The Abridged Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
by insertnamehere13
Summary: Have you ever imagined how would the legend of Termina turn out to be... if everything was... wrong? Well, look no further! It's Abridged time, folks. (Remake of the "original abridged" story - check Chapter 1 for clarity!)
1. Chapter 1: A New World

**Disclaimer** : I don't own The Legend of Zelda. I mean, I own the game, I have 'em all, but the series, I mean.

Back in the day, darkness loomed over the holy kingdom of Hyrule.

It was an era in which trees got sick and died, mountains produced red flame instead of your regular everyday carbon monoxide, arrows caught on fire when shot towards the sun and mask salesmen acted a lot less suspiciously.

Amidst the darkness that engulfed that peaceful land, a hero was lying in wait. For seven years.

It was a man who did not speak; instead, he justified his will with actions.

It was a man who did not falter; instead, he never gave in to fear and stood strong against the most intimidating foes.

It was a man who... did not grasp the concept of "privacy", seeing as he was always breaking into people's houses randomly and breaking their boxes and bottles in search of money.

Anyway, that man, along with the legendary Master Sword, brought justice upon those who dared to bring harm upon others; and it was that same mythical blade that he left behind, as well as fame and fortune, when the deed was done. He just walked away, without a word, after saving millions of lives.

Where could that man be? What could he be up to right now?

 **Day X, Time Y, Lost Woods**

"Alright, that's it. I'm done!"

A voice came out of the young boy's mouth, as he looked around him, seeing the trees of the deep forest he shut himself into.

"First some dumb, ominous voice in my head says, ' _leave thy blade upon the sacred sanctuary_ ' and forces me to lose my best weapon... then my fairy suddenly leaves, saying she'll get engaged to a 'Russian oil tycoon'... the hell is a Russian anyway?!"

The boy's interesting question echoed far and wide into the woods, but none would dare answer that. I have a fourth wall to maintain here, you know. It's weak enough as is.

"Then," he continued, "I'm told that I should continue to pretend I'm mute, because my voice is apparently as pleasant as a Goron rolling down Jabu-Jabu's belly… well, I say SCREW YOU ALL!"

Yeah, there he is. The hero who saved Hyrule. Link. Bitching like an old man would to his television during a game. He was riding his trusted steed Epona in search of his fairy Navi, who, as said so gently by our brave and trusty hero, had ditched him to better horizons.

"Huh, Lost Woods sure has changed, hasn't it, Epona?" _Oh great, I'm talking to my horse. Now I'm sure I need some more of that blue potion..._ "I remember it used to be one hell of a fucking maze, and now it's just… woods... yeah, some lost woods."

Hearing only horse steps as response, Link continued to look around for his partner.

 _Okay, Navi, wherever you are, I'm going to find you, and then I will- what the?!_

Suddenly, he was interrupted by two fairies, one yellow, one purple, swinging around Epona, which jerked back in response and threw Link off its back. Link looked at them, shocked, and raised his voice at one of the fairies.

"OK, Navi, tell me why you decided to turn all purple and... who's the yellow fairy with you? Is that the Russian you were talking about? Because I- _OW_!"

Suddenly, a slap from behind stopped his train of thought and threw it off-track - meaning, Link got knocked out by someone. When he woke up, he saw not only the fairies, but also a young boy, much like himself, yet completely different; he was dressed with straw clothing and wearing a straw hat, gear typical of the Skull Kids, which were children who got lost for too many days inside the woods. But more importantly, the boy also wore a veeeery creepy mask, with a few spikes protruding from it, and big, yellow, wide eyes surrounded by all sorts of colorful tribal designs.

"Oh hell no," Link said to the Skull Kid, "I know how this goes, you think I'm just some lost boy in the woods, you wanna make a quick buck, so you assault me, my horse is small, so you see an opening-" _MAN, I think that fairy hit me a little too hard…_

The strange kid yelped at Link's voice and got scared, turning around slowly. Hiding something with one hand behind his back, he watched as Link crept towards him.

"Well, I'm just going to say it once... give my fucking money back!" _Huh, where's my Ocarina? Oh well, I probably dropped that thing back at the castle… again. I'll just..._

No answer. Link threw himself at the kid, who in turn dodged and jumped onto his horse, zooming away, the two fairies following him through the dense woods.

"… Great." Link took a few seconds to process what had just happened. "I lost my sword, my friend, my money and my horse. Woo. And now I'm talking to myself, not even to the horse."

A few more seconds.

"… YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT YOU LITTLE-!"

Running as fast as he could, Link found a path of rising logs and a door, which he passed through quickly. After some more running, he accidentally fell on a deep, gaping hole which seemed to never end, until he hit a flower surrounded by a shallow pond - and, somehow, survived the fall - only to find the kid again, ocarina in hand.

 **Day X, Time Y, Deep Hole In Lost Woods**

"That horse of your is an ass!" The kid said, floating in midair, throwing the Ocarina up and down. "It doesn't listen to a word I say and-"

"Er," Link interrupted, "That's because it only listens to me, because we have a kind of blood pact and... you know what, forget it. You were saying...?"

"I did you a favor and got rid of it."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" _I'm not taking the subway again!_

"And now, what I should do to you... ah, I know!"

Before he could say a thing, Link found himself engulfed in dark magic, his vision blurriying and then coming back on an all-black landscape. Suddenly, some Mad Scrubs charged at him and everything seemed to fade, the air was getting heavy, there were outdated 9GAG meme images everywhere...

" **YEEEEEAAAARRRGGGHHHH!** " Link screamed, only to see something even more shocking - which is hard - in his reflection on the water before him…


	2. Chapter 2: How To Get Away With Fairies

**Disclaimer** : I own it. I OWN IT. IT'S MINE. Ehhh okay not really.

 **Day X, Time Y, Deep Hole In Lost Woods**

It took several minutes for Link to realize what had happened to him. After a good two or three minutes of shock, he looked carefully and realized that he had just been...

Transformed into a Deku.

Yes, the Deku, creatures who used to inhabit Kokiri Forest and its outskirts. Small critters with bodies made of wood, wearing all kinds of flora on their heads and sporting a long nose-mouth with one big hole for shooting Deku Nuts. Link still had his boots, blonde hair and signature green clothing, but he looked VERY different.

 _I am a Deku. Yes. A Deku. How awesome, now I can spend the rest of my life hiding in plants, throwing seeds at random people just for fun, giving away secret codes or else... right…_

"YEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" He screamed in horror.

"Oh, you look mahvelous, dahling!" said the wizard kid, with a sarcastic tone. "If you don't like it, though, then come closer... IF YOU CAN!"

"Hey!" Link could only say - yes, it seems even transforming into a Deku couldn't stop Link's will to talk again - before the kid floated behind a now closed stone gate.

 _Dammit, he's gone! And I'm here, all alone, turned into a Deku-what the? Who's there?_

"HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU, WOODY!" a voice suddenly called Link from behind, "OPEN UP THAT FUCKING DOOR SO WE CAN PROCEED!"

 _Gah! The Russian is talking to me! Quick, Link, act natural!_ "Er... Vodka!"

"Excuse me?!"

"Perestroika! Moscow! KGB! Stereotypeski!"

"Are you dumb, scrub? Do you think I'm Russian or something?"

"Uh... You aren't?"

"OF COURSE I'M NOT! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE RUSSIA IS?"

"What is a Russia anyway? All I hear are tales-"

"Look, let's do the normal thing already and introduce ourselves. I'm Tatl," the fairy said, annoyed, "And I'm a fairy from Lost goddamn Woods. Is it so hard for you to see?! Now let's move, before the Skull Kid and Tael leave me behind again, like that day in the city fair…"

 _"Tael"? What? Not "Navi"?_ "Okay, so how do I open it?"

"Pressing the A button, obviously!"

"A... Button?" Link voiced, confused. "Wazzat?"

"Er- damn, I mean... Look, just open it like you did before!"

"Eh, okay…" _Man, Russia is so weird._

With a noise, the stone gate opened, revealing a wooden path which Link and Tatl followed without hesitation. They were stopped at the end, however, by a bunch of platforms leading to the way forward. At the floor, in front of Link, there was a flower.

"So, you wanna move? Then blast already!" Tatl said, pointing to the flower.

"Blast?"

"Yeah, Dekus do it all the time! You burrow underground here, wait, spit some pollen out and WHIZZAM! With two flowers and air resistance, you can fly for a short period of time!"

"Uh, yeah," _This fairy is crazy. Reeeeeal crazy._ "So, burrow under- OOF! POLLEN! YUK! WARGH!" _Spit! Spit! Whew... hey, I'm stuck. Damn, how do I get out... ah, I know! These vines are sticking out, maybe if I just..._

Link's train of thought was interrupted abruptly by him being tossed into the air, just like Tatl said, holding two flowers, each on one hand.

"See, I told ya!"

"HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS THING STOOOOOOOOOOOOP?!"

After floating to the other side, the duo faced many more obstacles before reaching a Deku-like small tree and a gate. The tree was "Deku-like" because it had a face carved into it, a Deku one, and it looked anything but pleased.

"Look, this tree looks sort of like you... so full of pain, suffering… lost, without friends or familiar places to rely on…"

 _Uh… she's spot on, act-_

"… And with a dumb face!"

 _At least I'm not yellow._ "So, we're going in?"

"Yeah," Tatl said, but paused a bit and said, "Um, look, I... I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For helping steal your horse and stuff. We were supposed to be just messing with you a bit, but it seems like Skull Kid has taken it a bit too far."

"Understatement of the year."

"Well, ever since he got that mask, he's…"

"He's...?"

"Never mind, let's carry on."

 _"Let's carry on", she says..._

After some walking, they reached a corridor that seemed to twist around, making one walk from the floor to the ceiling and around, while moving forward. Link couldn't help but feel he was moving into another dimension, and it really felt like it too, since you could hear the very air around you distort and make noises. After coming through a small hole, a steel door closed behind him and he found himself inside what looked like a clock tower. Not much was said between our two heroes, still very much estranged and with guilt and awkwardness smearing the very air between them.

After climbing some steps and walking towards the door to the outside, Link was interrupted by a voice…

 **"… You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"**


	3. Chapter 3: Of Creeps and Masks

**Disclaimer:** They own, I won.

 **Day X, Time Y, ?**

Link was scared. Who could it be, talking behind him in a real quiet voice, in a strange place he'd never been to, which was all dark and smelly...

He slowly turned around as the voice said, "You seem to be troubled. May I he-"

 _POW!_

Before the stranger could finish his question, he found himself with a huge bruise on his cheek, made by a very hard and fast Deku Nut projectile. Link started to run away, but he was, again, stopped by the voice.

"OW! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP HERE! DAMN!"

"I know your type... pick up a lost boy that seems distraught, ask him what's wrong, play nice... And the next moment the poor boy's wrapped to a pole butt-naked and-"

"STOP!" Tatl interrupted, "This isn't funny! People suffer from this! And now this mental image will be with me forever now, dumbass!"

"But it's true! My uncle said it once happened to him and-"

"HEY!" The man cut in, thankfully, "Can you listen to me?! I'm not any of these atrocities you two think I am! I'm just a mask salesman!"

"Mask… salesman?" Both Link and Tatl voiced.

"Yes. And I was wondering, since you have a sword, a shield, and a wise partner... I was going to ask a favor of you."

"A… sword… but I'm a Deku right now, dude. You know me from before or something?" Link said. _How the hell did he know I was a human before?! This guy is just digging his own grave here..._

"I know you from Hyrule. Happy Mask Shop, remember?"

"Oh. OH. You're… oh. Now I remember." _Wait, I gave money to this guy before?!_

"So, could you hear my plea?" The salesman asked, puppy dog eyes and all that.

"Sure... why the heck not." Tatl replied, seeming much more relaxed.

"So. I have this mask, called Majora's Mask... well, had. Some dumbfuck made of wood with a skull face stole it."

"Oh, heh heh heh, who could THAT be, huh?!" Tatl said, seeming distraught. It was pretty obvious who it was.

"This mask was, long before, a prized possession of a certain tribe. They'd use it for rituals and such, and this mask has... well, a strange power."

"Strange... power?" Link voiced, wondering internally. _I bet it's going to be one heck of a made-up, mumbo-jumbo story..._

"Whoever put it on would instantly gain tremendous physical strength and magical might, and would be able to control pretty much all matter in this world. Anyway, this wasn't good, because there's one more trick to the mask: The user goes crazy."

"Crazy?" Link echoed again, like the parrot he is.

"Yes. Mad. Nuts. Batshit. And this was a huge source of trouble, as you might imagine. The leader banished the mask…"

 _How the hell do you "banish" a mask?!_

"... And peace was everlasting once more. I found the mask, unaware of what it did, and was planning on selling it at the shop, y'know, feed the kids and all that."

 _You mean, you were going to sell your own brand of Apocalypse. Real smart, you._

"But that kid stole it and put it on right after. I chased after him, but alas, he was too quick. Now, the bastard is going to make the fucking moon fall from the sky!"

"Yeah, go on... waitWAITWaAiItTt! T-THE _**MOON**_?!"

"Yes! The moon! That's why I need that fucking mask back, and I need it in three days, before the moon falls, so I can leave this blasted place and break that mask apart!"

"My _**GOD**_ HE IS GOING TO DROP THE _**GODDAMN MOON**_ " Link was pale as a sheet now, and Tatl had to cut in and give them some space.

A few minutes later…

"Uh... so... where do I fit in all this?" Link asked the salesman.

"You're going to find it for me!"

"Ah, yes. Me, of course." _It's not like I'm made of wood and leaves, two-feet-tall and WITHOUT ANY SORT OF WEAPON OTHER THAN SOME FUCKING NUTS!_

"So... can you do it?"

"No."

"Did I mention I can turn you back to your human form?"

"Eh, I kinda like being small."

"... 50 Rupees."

"DEAL!" _This always works! Damn, I'm good._

"So, good luck! He's not far from here, I can tell. It's gonna be easy to catch him!" The salesman said, very happy now - this man switched moods in seconds!

"Um... where are we, exactly?"

"This here's a 'parallel dimension', pretty much. You're on Termina Land, and this is the Clock Town, center of the land and national pro-"

"Right." _About the last thing I need to hear today is tourist noise_.

"Believe in your strenghts... believe...!"

"Shut up," Tatl said, after moments of quietness, "you're creepy."

After the nice dialogue, the two of them went through the door and to the town.

 **Day 1, Morning, Clock Town - South**

"So, what now?" Tatl asked.

"Well, we should search for the most likely spots first, like... like…" Link said, turning speechless after being forced to think.

The town wasn't that big. It was divided in five areas: North, South, East, West, and, last but not least, the one, the only, the… Laundry Pool. The south part was more of a hub, which hosted the famous Clock Tower, a large tower that shows the time and had a locked gate. Aside from that, there was but a tower undergoing construction by some workers, the entrance to the other areas and an exit to the world outside.

So many places.

"I think we should try and ask the loc-" Link said, moving towards a strange, yellow-colored plant. He was interrupted by a voice.

"STOP! STOP! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooop!"

"WAH! What the…" Link screamed, scared. Looking to the sky, he saw a Deku carrying two huge bags flying in his direction. He approached Link, burrowed to the ground and then got halfway out.

"Youse know," the Deku started, "Dis here's my piece 'a land. Youse can't go snoopin' in here like dat unless youse have DA LAND DEED!" He finished, shoving the land deed to the flower into Link's face.

"Ah! Ah! Get that thing outta my face! I'm sorry!"

"But, hey, I'm feelin' nice today. I may be able ta give my DA LAND DEED to youse... in exchange for somethin'."

"Something...?" Tatl said.

 _I don't like the way this is going... for the last 24 hours, all I've been hearing is threats and innuendos..._

"Yea. Can be anything... SHINY. I like dose sparklin' pearly thingies, ya know. But it could be gold, too. Anything... SHINY."

"Ah... sure, I'll come back if I find anything…"

"Ya do dat, man. See ya 'round."

"…" Tatl stared, but then proceeded to ignore the Deku in order to keep the plan up.

"So, we better hurry. We have 3 days to get this shit ready."

"Yeah," Link agreed, "But we don't know where to look…"

"Why not try wandering around?"

"Yeah, why not…" _Why not call you an idiot for this idea too?_

"Okay, let's move north."

"North? Why?"

"I heard it from Skull Kid, so I'm not sure, but the Great Fairy lives in a chamber at the north part."

 _How does he know… nevermind_ , "Um... You could've said it before I ran into that nutcase."

"Yeah, I suppose…" Tatl said while giggling.

 _Fucking Russi... ack! Let's just move north..._

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - North**

After some walking, the duo reached the north section of Clock Town. The place wasn't that interesting; about the only thing that caught Link's eye was a huge balloon with a Majora's Mask drawing. There was also a boy trying (and failing) to pop it with a blowpipe. Not so further away, there was a cave, which Tatl recognized instantly as the Great Fairy's.

"Let's go, dumbfuck! Gotta get that mask back!"

"Wait." Link said, staring forward.

"What?"

"Those bushes. They bother me…"

And they were indeed bothering. Link saw a bunch of bushes forming a perfect circle and one in the center. What could this mean?

Maybe these can lead to something... "HAAAAAAARRRGH!" Link screamed, cutting the grass away with Deku spin attacks.

"Look! It's... moving!" Tatl said, taken aback. The grass started to whirl and dance around, but then quickly disappeared.

"…" The two of them stared, until Link broke the 20-minute silence. "Okay, that was just…"

"... A big waste of time, yes" Tatl interrupted, "let's just go."

 _When did she turn into the boss all of a sudden? Those soviets are so self-c_... _okay, this is getting boring._

"Excuse me," Link said to the blowpipe kid, "But can I ask y-"

"DON'T BOTHER JIMMY!" The kid answered sharply, "JIMMY IS BUSY BLOWING BALLOONS!"

 _Well excuuuuuuuuse me, princess._ "Ah, sorry to interrupt your... task, but I-"

"JIMMY. IS. BUSY! GO AWAY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"LOOK!" Tatl yelled, "We just want to know w-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

 _The urge to force that pipe down this brat's throat is just so..._

"Tatl," Link said, "let's just go to the cave."

"Okay…"

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Great Fairy's Shrine**

After entering the cave, the pair soon found a large and reasonably shallow body of water surrounded by pillars. Link seemed at peace upon entering, with a sensation of sheer security. Tatl, on the other hand...

"GREAT FAIRY! NO!"

Tatl screamed, upon seeing a bunch of small fairies floating around the fountain.

"I don't see any Great Fairy... all I see is a bunch of fairies."

"This can't... No... I don't... I…"

 _Can you at least finish a goddamn sentence?!_

"Hey, let's see here… yo, um, fairy!" Link said to one of the fairies, "'Sup with that, huh?"

The fairies began to talk at the same time, bringing a plea.

"Please, hear us out... that Skull Kid broke me in pieces and took one of us away…"

"He broke you in pieces?" _Usually that expression is not to be taken literally..._

"Yes, and I've no idea of where this piece is... but it's in Clock Town... please! Help me!"

"Why would I?" Link said, narrowing his eyes.

"I can give you magic in return!"

"I'm no wizard."

"But you can shoot things from your nose, here, have some magic!"

"Eh, thanks, but I kinda already shoot Deku Nuts."

"... 100 Rupees."

"Sounds nice. Let's go, Tatl!" _Heh. Always works..._

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - North**

The day was getting busier and busier for Link and Tatl. They had four tasks arranged. One was to find the remaining "piece" of the shattered Great Fairy. Then, they had to find something shiny to get a Deku Flower's land deed. After that, they had to target Skull Kid and retreive the Majora's Mask. Last, but not least... Tatl was going to teach a lesson to one spoiled brat.

"This is it," the fairy said, looking at Link. "Blast away."

"Uh... All right." _I don't remember agreeing completely with this._

With his new bubble-shooting ability (acquired prematurely by a little... "persuasion"), Link felt like a new Deku. After testing it a thousand times and hitting everyone with it, he inspired Tatl to come up with a plan to make young Jimmy talk. He crouched behind a bush, turned his head and...

 _POW!_

As expected, the bubble flew away and hit the balloon, bursting it. Jimmy turned, his eyes darting the area, searching for the offender.

"WHO DID THIS TO JIMMY'S BALLOON?! WHO?! COME HERE AND FACE JIMMY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 _My life to stop this bawling..._

"Hey there, Little Mister Waterworks," Tatl said, approaching the boy. "Feel like talking now?"

"JIMMY IS MAD! JIMMY KILLS RUSSIAN!"

 _What the... must be the weather. Yeah, it has to be._

"If you give us just a tiny bit of info, I'll let you go," Tatl bargained.

"JIMMY ONLY TALKS TO YOU IF YOU BEAT THE GAME!"

"Game? Look, I've had enough of-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jimmy cried, now a bit forcedly, but still.

"Look! Please! Shut up!" Link said, tired of sitting back and watching.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 _Fuck. How can I make this kid stop... Hey! "_ I've got it! _"_

"What?" Tatl responded, still looking at the kid.

"I'll play," Link said to Jimmy.

"You will WHAT?!"

"I'll play his game!" _But if it's poker, I'm quitting._

"Waaaaaa... Huh?" Jimmy stopped crying and then asked again. "You'll play?"

"Yup. What will it be, kiddo?"

"DON'T CALL ME KIDDO!"

"OKAY, Mighty Master Of The Fucking Wet Eyes!"

"Huh? Um... let's play... I know! Bombers!"

"Bombers?!" _Is this kid with ISIS?_

Suddenly, four boys dressed exactly as Jimmy (despite the fact that he wore red and they blue) rushed up to the scene. They stood on a row, turning around to show the back of their shirts. They were numbered 1 to 5, 1 being Jimmy, of course. They then gathered together and started to whisper something.

After a good 15 minutes of whispers, Jimmy broke the silence.

"Scrub!"

"Huh- yeah?" Link said, unaware of what the kid had said.

"Let's play hide-and-seek!"

"Well, that's good. So, I get to count?"

"Yeah. You gotta find us 'till night, or you're going to lose! Good luck, loser! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha..." Jimmy said, while running towards the slider.

"Piece of cake," Link thought as he finished counting to 20 and ran towards Jimmy.

The kid ran around and around pretty fast, giving Link a hard time, but eventually Jimmy got backed into a corner and was forced to sit.

"Awww! Now you gotta find the other four kids."

"Man!" Tatl yelled, obviously infuriated.

"Yeah?" Link answered while walking around.

"Why do we gotta play this stupid brat's game, anyway? You're a goddamn Hero Of Time, for crying out loud! Can't you just make him spill the beans? Use your goddamn sword for something!"

 _Sword? Hero of Time? I'm a fucking Deku... she's scary! And all this rambling... must be PMS. Yeah, it has to be... but do fairies PMS? I think that's taking the whole gender thing a bit too f-_

Link's intriguing train of thought was interrupted by the noise of rustling grass near him. He drew closer, and out came one of Jimmy's friends, running away as fast as light. Well, not so much, because Link spun around and caught up with him.

"Awww! Three left!"

"Well, that has to be it for this area. Let's search elsewhere!" Tatl said, moving towards a gate. However, someone stopped her... A guard. Wearing a shiny silver armor that screamed "Bring it!" and a long spear, he moved sideways like a crab, blocking Link's way.

"Hey, hey! What's the big deal?" Link asked.

"Sorry, no going outside. It's dangerous."

"How so?"

"There are creatures."

"I'm a creature."

"There are molesters."

"I'm getting expert in avoiding them."

"There are winged thieves."

"I can burrow underground."

"…" The guard paused for a moment, but didn't move.

 _And now, the money. Come on, be a nice guard and gi-_

"What?" The guard said, annoyed by Link's smirk, "I'm not moving an inch."

 _Damn! How did he...?!_

"Move it. Now."

"Yes, sir…" Link said, defeated, turning towards the gate to East Clock Town.

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - East**

Link and Tatl arrived at East Clock Town, searching frantically for any sign of a boy. They stopped in front of an inn, and decided it was time for a plan.

"Okay," Link started, "What to do?"

"Dunno," Tatl answered uncaringly, staring at the inn's logo. It read "Stock Pot Inn".

"What are you staring at?"

"Stock Pot Inn... Hmmmm... Does that mean they stock pot in here?"

 _That's... a good question... hey!_

Link backed up a bit after hearing the sound of flapping wings. He looked at the inn's veranda, and there was a boy, THE boy, holding a chicken over his head and looking to the ground, ready to jump. Link, unnoticed by the boy, ran back to Tatl.

"Hey! I've got good news!"

"Baby, don't worry, about a thing…" Tatl was singing. Link shot a bubble at her to get her attention.

"...Is gonna be alrigh- HEY! What's the big idea?!"

"I found him."

"The kid?"

"Yeah, but he's on top of us right now, holding a Cuckoo."

"Hmmm... gotta corner him, but how?"

"I'll climb up there, and you'll wait down here. If he jumps, I want you to startle him, by any means."

"Gotcha".

Link opened the Stock Pot Inn's front door and went inside. Tatl waited outside, looking to see if a boy would fly past her. She could've sworn she heard someone say "Awww!", so she readied herself. A few minutes later, a Cuckoo slowly glided through the sky, carrying a boy...

"Where are you, Link?"

...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-"

Link was holding the chicken tight, and trying to stay put.

 _How do I make it land?! Too slow, too slow! I'm afraid of heights, dammit! Come ooooon, you little feathered motherfucker!_

A good half-minute later, Link got to the ground, white as a sheet and breathing heavily. Tatl came to him, feigning concern but laughing profusely on the inside.

"You OK?" The fairy asked.

"Yeah," Link answered, trembling, "I've just been through the worst flight of my life since the Deku Flower thing, but I'm OK... I caught the boy."

"So, two more, huh?"

"Yup, and we've better hurry, it's already 5 o'clock. We've got an hour."

"OK, let's go! Wait…"

"What?"

"Over there! I see someone…"

And there indeed was someone. Up a ledge, next to the gate that led to another gate to the outside world (yep), there was a kid, watching the place. Link proceeded to run after him, climbing some stairs and then cornering him into a fence.

"Awww! Now there's only one left…"

"And we have a whole hour to find him, buddy." Tatl said in a superior tone.

"Let's move it, Tatl. You can be an arrogant bitch later-"

"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?! DON'T YOU DARE RUN!"

 _Only way to make her move... but now I'm the one who has to hide!_


	4. Chapter 4: Bombers and Badassery

**Disclaimer** : Cookie. I KNOW, RIGHT?! They're so good

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - South**

After finding four of the five little annoying brats, it was obvious by Link's expression that he was tired. Being smacked on pretty much all of the vital areas of a Deku body by an angry fairy didn't help much, either. But he had a mission... or more than one.

"I just can't make heads of tails of all this." Link said, his tone monotonous.

"Heads and tails of what?" Tatl responded.

"We're being forced to chase kids, bring shiny objects to deed-propped Deku hobos, find stray fairies... for what? I mean, we're supposed to be searching for a mask that destroys the world and shit, and yet here I am, playing hide-and-seek! We have little time as is…"

"You're just being a bitch."

"After all that I had to say, that's your answer?!"

"Yup."

 _It's no use. PMS wins._

Wandering around the southern zone of Clock Town, Link eventually spotted a ledge that led to some sort of alley. Intrigued, he ran to the place, only to find a big pool, surrounded by grass and crossed by a wooden bridge, which was actually part of a house situated there on the other side. It had to be... the Laundry Pool. Link was going to search for a boy in there, when...

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tatl yelled, shocked at something.

"HEY! HOW ABOUT I YELL INTO YOUR FUCKING EAR TOO?!"

"It's... It's…"

 _Man, is she going to stage all this drama every time she finds something?_

"... Link! It's the broken piece of the Great Fairy! It has to be!"

"Why?" _'Broken piece' is not the way I would have phrased it... I mean, pieces are supposed to be objects... not... fairies._

"It's just like the other fairies we found in the cave!"

"Huh... so?"

"Go catch it, dumbass!"

"But it's floating above the pool!"

"Oh…" Tatl sighed, then proceeded, "You don't know the first thing about being a Deku…"

 _And this is a bad thing? I kinda didn't agree to this!_

"If you jump into the pool," Tatl explained in a mentor-like tone, "Your feet will feel some strange vibes coming from the water, and you'll start hopping around it!"

"You mean I get to be Jesus?!"

"Uhhh... yeah, but you have a five-hop limit, I think."

"Aww," Link said before looking at the pool, "It'll be alright, I'll give it a shot!"

Leaping into the water, Link started to bounce around, eventually falling into the water after the fifth hop. Tatl rescued him the first time, but after ten failed attempts, she left him to himself. Eventually, Link reached the "piece", who responded quickly:

"Oh, thank goodness! Now bring me to the cave right this instant!"

"Calm down, Ms. Yellow Floating Thing," Tatl said, "We're on it."

 _Look who's talking!_

"In any case, Ms. Fairy Piece," Link continued, "I'm kind of running an... errand right now, and would appreciate it if you waited a bit."

"Oh well... I guess it can't be helped…" The fairy said, slightly annoyed. She then proceeded to hide under Link's hat.

"Hey!" Tatl barked, angry, "That's MY hiding spot!"

 _How is my hat yours?!_ "Well then," Link cut in, "Shall we find this last annoying brat? We only have 10 minutes before evening!"

"Move it, then!" The stray fairy said from under his hat.

 _Great. If one fairy bossing me around wasn't enough..._

Moving away from the Laundry Pool, Link decided to give the south area a fair shake. Aside from the same preoccupied carpenters building a tower, a dog attacking Link, the same Deku that wanted "something... SHINY", postboxes and a postman running like crazy and fumbling through said postboxes, they found nothing. So...

"Well, that's nice. We've got a good three minutes to find the kid, according to the clock." Link said, his head hung low in dismay.

"Hey... there's one place left to check." Tatl said, cheering Link right up.

"Where?!"

"The west side."

"What, is Snoop Dogg the last kid?"

"THIS west, dumbfuck!"

"Ah! You mean West Clock Town!"

"Yup. We haven't checked there, you know."

"True. Let's run!" Link shouted while making towards the stairs that led to that area.

 **Day 1, Right when the sun starts thinking about sleeping, Clock Town - West**

As soon as they climbed the first set of stairs, our cute pair of kid-searchers looked around for any sign of a spoiled brat. The west area wasn't that impressive, it was mainly a spiral and elevated staircase-corridor, decorated by a bank and three shops, which led into a smaller, circular open area which mixed buildings like the Post Office and the Lottery with common houses. Running along the stairs, Link and Tatl were looking around and deciding what to do after the kids were all gathered.

"Ten seconds! TEN SECONDS!" Tatl yelled, in a bossy tone.

"I'm on it, woman! Don't fucking rush me!" Link talked back, annoyed at his partner's earlier tone.

"And then we should get that shiny thing!"

"C'mon, we can find that anywhere! Just find him a fucking frying pan or... hey!" Link suddenly stopped. Looking around he found a kid sitting and staring at the entrance of the Swordsman School, which was next to the gate.

"Found you!" Link shouted, startling the kid.

"Waah!" The kid yelped and made to run, but Link dove at him in a ninja-like way, sharp yell included. After catching the little one with only three seconds left, Link couldn't help but grin at this movie-like moment.

"Stop daydreaming!" Tatl snapped, "We gotta go north with the kid!"

"Awww…" The kid muttered, defeated, while the pair went along.

 **Day 1, Evening, Clock Town - North**

The sky had already been tainted purple, with the faint light of the few stars that rose upon the sky casting small shadows on objects around. Meanwhile, our favorite pair stood in front of a 5-boy group, waiting for their quest to move along.

 _Ok, now what? Gotta think of that shiny thing, then I should return the fairy piece to the Great Fairy's Fountain, and then... well, the Ocarina, for one. My horse, and the Majora's Mask... whew... seems like it's far from over._

"Link"' Tatl said, interrupting his train of thought, "These kids want to tell us something, so listen!"

 _Well, sorry for caring about our journey._

"So... um... scrub!" Jimmy said, "You completed our quest, and I was going to give you our prize but…"

"But...?" _I don't like the way this is headed. If all this time I've been chasing a 'congratulations', I'm impaling myself into a tree._

"We can't prize any other being but humans," Jimmy said, looking down.

"What exactly is this prize?" Tatl asked.

"Well, we'd make you a member of our group, the Bombers Secret Society of Justice, for one…"

 _Oh, so THAT's what he meant by Bombers! Whew..._

"... And we'd give you a notebook, but... we already had a non-human member recently, and the results…"

"Huh? Results?" Link asked, intrigued.

"Did he fail in a mission or what?" Tatl prompted.

"'Fail'? The guy went totally batshit crazy! As soon as we let him into our secret hideout, he took a path and wrecked our base, our telescope... he then went to the top of Clock Town and made some crazy spell, which set the moon to fall within three days!"

"Is... that... well... um…" Link stuttered, trying to make sense of it all. He then looked up at the moon. _Is that why the moon has a face now? And not any kind of face... it looks like Saria when I found her diary._

"But lookie, I won't leave you with your bare hands. Here's our secret code for the secret base!"

"Code?" Tatl asked.

Just then, the Bombers started to run around. Then, they stopped in a row, back facing our heroes in a special order. The number was '54123'.

"Here," Jimmy said, "Write it down and remember to say it to our guard."

"Those guys sure are organized for a bunch of kids," Tatl said.

"Yeah, I'm kinda scared myself…"

"Well, we gotta go now. Thanks for the fun!"

"You're welcome, brat," Tatl said, joking around.

"Watch it! And, umm... the Bombers' Secret Society Of Justice Forever!"

"Errrr, the what now?" Link asked, looking puzzled.

"Nevermind," Jimmy said before going back to his blowpipe.

Link and Tatl then stopped and started brainstorming. The afternoon was over, and the sky was already dark. The wind blew in the direction of the Great Fairy's cave, reminding Tatl of something...

"Hey! Listen!"

"Wha-huh?!" _Navi?! Oh. It's you._

"We don't have time for this! We gotta deliver the fairy piece, pronto!"

"Yes, Your Honor…"

"Quit it and move!"

"DON'T RUSH ME!"

The duo then made to the cave, close to the end of a crazy first day.

 **Day 1, Night, Great Fairy's Shrine**

After what had been a crazy but fruitful day, Link and Tatl were indeed tired. The Great Fairy's Shrine, however, seemed to have some effect against the fatigue, its mystical aura more and more mysterious along the cave's depths. As they approached the fountain, Link's hat suddenly started to bulge...

"Let me out this instant!" The voice under the hat said.

"Huh? Who's that?" Link said, looking up.

"The fairy piece! Remember?!"

"Whoa! Err, umm, sorry!" _I totally forgot she was inside my hat!_

"You let me go now, young Deku!"

"Ok, ok, ok, I'm sorry! Go!" _Yeesh, what a drama queen! My hat's pretty clean!_

The fairy got out of the depths of Link's well-cleansed hat and started to mingle with the other fairy pieces. Suddenly, they started to gather and shine, disappearing into the water and coming back in the form of a flash of light and, after a while...

"Wow…" Link said, amazed.

"It's…" Tatl voiced, as amazed as Link was.

"A very nice-looking lady…"

"Hey!" Tatl shouted, before striking Link, "Don't talk like that about the... Great... Fairy…"

The form that appeared before them was indeed 'nice-looking'; a huge woman, clad in short, yet mystical clothes and showing around a good portion of a pinkish-red hair stood before them, smiling, her mouth-mole dancing according to the facial expressions.

"Well, well... so you are the one who brought me back to my original form, hmm?" The Great Fairy asked, looking directly into Link's empty eye sockets.

"Ahh... w-well I... err... u-umm…"

"O Great Fairy, forgive my partner, for he does not know what he talks about," Navi said, hovering around Link.

 _She's not god!_

"Yeah, well I actually-" Link started, before being cut off by "the Great One".

"Yes, I know, I was there inside your hat! I was just fooling around, young one."

"Ah... Is that so? Heh heh…" _How can one small annoying thingy turn into such an influent being?_

"Well, I will now present you with the ability to shoot bubb-"

"I, uhh... you already taught me how to, or at least, pieces of you did…"

"But this is against the rules! I didn't have enough power to do it!"

"Well," Tatl said, "Money makes the world turn, yeah?"

 _Screw the rules, I have money! Phew. Got it out of my system._

"Well, I guess there's nothing for me to do but pray for your success. Find that Skull Kid who broke me and make him pay!"

"You bet, lady!" Link said, less nervous.

A flash of determination hit Link's eyes. Could it be? He was actually... having... fun?

 _Well... no choice then..._

"Let's go, Tatl! Last one to the Bombers' Hideout will marry a Goron and get a humping from it!"

"WAAH!" Tatl shouted, floating as fast as she could to catch up with Link.

 **Day 1, Evening, Clock Town - East**

Going through the North-East gate, Link and Tatl found themselves in front of an alley guarded by a kid wearing yellow clothes, which shone brightly against the dark night that slowly engulfed the peaceful town.

"Excuse me, coming through…"

"Hey! Hey! Stop, mister!" The kid shouted, stopping Link, "You can't pass. This is the Bombers' Hideout!"

 _I wouldn't go around shouting this kind of phrase... people might take it the wrong way..._

"What's wrong?" Tatl said, slightly annoyed.

"You gotta say the code to enter!"

"Um... Sesame?"

"Nope."

"Sparta?"

"No."

"Wait!" Link said, before reading a piece of paper aloud, "54123!"

"Hey, that's it! Are you a Bomber?"

"Sort of."

"Well, anyway, come inside. Beware of the Skulltulas!"

"Skulltulas?" Tatl froze, remembering. The Skulltulas were creatures that inhabited Hyrule. They came about in all kind of sizes, to the small, fast and nimble, wall-crawling Skullwalltula to the generic, big and scary Skulltula. Those wicked creatures had, to make matters worse, their whole front shielded. They shared the same obvious weakness, though: their backs were not covered. Sneak up to it from behind, and BAM! The monster was gone. But nevertheless, Tatl still held a strong phobia...

"WE'RE NOT GOING INSIDE TODAY I'M SORRY HEHEHEHEHEHE SORRY REALLY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I KINDA HAVE A PLACE TO GO HIHIHIHIHI"

"What are you-" Link tried to ask before being dragged away - by a fairy.

"DON'T ASK! WE GONE!"

"Hey, hey. Let go of me!" Link yelled, then proceeded to perform a spin attack and free himself of the fairy's 'grasp'. "You can sort out your phobias later. We got a hideout to explore!"

"But I... oh, what the hey. Let's just go, then."

 **Day 1, Evening, Bombers' Hideout**

The place looked like a hideout alright; gray, shady brick walls surrounded the place, except for the floor, which was lacking; most of the 'ground' was actually a water reservoir, exposing the former nature of the Hideout: a sewer. Link, using his water hops wisely, managed to cross the deep parts of water, and, eventually, him and Tatl reached a large corridor divided in two 'lanes', a watery, yet shallow one and a brick one, just like the walls.

 _Well, this water smells kinda funny. I don't want to get too soaked on it. Let's just take the brick path for n-_ "YEEEEEAAARRGH!"

Link yelled, along with Tatl, as he was struck from a Skulltula from above; the creature was hanging from what looked like a net cable, like those from Spider-Man, and growled menacing while Link got slowly up from the ground.

"L-Li-Liiiink... Let's g-get outta here... PLEASE!" Tatl pleaded, but to no avail. The wooden hero just stood there, staring at the Skulltula. "LINK! I'M TALKING TO YOU! LINK! HEY! LISTEN! HEEEEY!"

"Cut the FUCKING crap," Link hissed, "And wait."

"What are you going to do? Stare at it until it sleeps?"

"No. Just wait two more seconds…"

 _NOW!_

The spider, then, for some reason, growled and turned around, baring its back to Link. He didn't second-guess himself; the bubble that came out of his nose hit the Skulltula's back, and he just watched as the aracno-beast crashed to the ground.

"... The hell was that?" Tatl managed to say, absolutely suprised by Link's moment of badassery.

"Former experience. Those bitches used to appear all the time back in Hyrule."

"W-well I know that, but I just didn't…"

"Well, whatever. Let's move on." _Man, now I know why she bosses me around so much. It sure feels good when you're the one who call the shots._

After the corridor, they were led into a small room with some vases and a ladder, which could be easily climbed if there wasn't a Skull Kid balloon floating right at the middle of it.

"Look," Link pointed out, "A ladder!"

"Are you sure it isn't a step-ladder?"

"... Um, it's a ladder."

"Oh, you're right. Sorry, I kinda spaced out there."

 _Why does that dialogue feel overused and familiar?_ "Well, anyway, let's just blast this here…"

"Are you comfortable with blatsing everything like that? It's not your property, you know."

"Yo," Link glared at Tatl, "I've broken into god knows how many houses in my time, breaking boxes and vases and stealing money and Cuccoos, I've been killing all kinds of creatures outside of any legal hunting area, I have also been wandering around a land that's not even my home without any kind of passport, and I have yet to see a single panel of the floor of a fucking courtroom. You really want to cry 'laws' here?" _Wow. I hope this badass streak keeps running..._

"I'll just wait over here then…" Tatl said, somewhat offended.

Nevertheless, Link burst the balloon, and the two climbed the ladder, curious as to where they would wind up next.


	5. Chapter 5: Strange People

**A/N:** Guys, writer's block hit me reeeeeeeeeeeeally hard this time. Sorry if this chapter looks a little rushed, I've busted my brains writing it but sometimes you just hit the ol' wall.

 **Disclaimer** : Right now I own a headache. A nasty one.

 **Day 1, Night, Bombers' Hideout**

Unnoticed by our heroes, currently inside the Bombers' Hideout, the evening matured into a full-moon (quite) night, announcing that the time for Day 1 was creeping towards an end. However, their quest still forced them to move on, whatever the time. Sleep could wait.

As the ladder ended, Link looked around and found himself in total contrast to what he'd seen so far. The room before him was very colorful, with stairs leading up and a scarecrow right in front of him - which proceeded to introduce himself.

"HAY DAHLING," The rather... eccentric straw figure shouted, gleefully, "WHO ARE YOU CUTIES?"

"Um... I-I, er…" Link stuttered.

"We're looking for a telescope," Tatl cut in for his partner, "Do you know anything about it?"

"TEHLESCOPE? MAH BOI!"

 _She's a girl!_

"WOULDN'T YOU SWEETIES RATHER ENJOY ALL THIS COLOR?! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! IT LOOKS LIKE THE ROOM IS BLOOMING! OOOH, YES! BLOOMING! IT'S PREEEE-AAA-TTTYYYY!"

 _If he starts singing, I'll-_

"OOOOOOOH I THINK I'LL SING! CARE TO JOIN ME, SWEETIE PIES?! ONE, TWO, THREE! IT'S RAINING M-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP!" Link shouted, halting the scarecrow's emotional momentum.

"Aw, you're no fun, sweetie!" it answered, with a normal voice this time.

"I don't want fun," Tatl said flatly, "I want the telescope."

"Upstairs, dahling! Just follow these BEAUTIFUL STAIRS WITH SUCH INTENSE COLORS, OH, IT'S-"

"FUCK COLORS! Just go away!"

"Awwww, OK. But hey, wanna learn a s-"

"No!" Link shouted, exasperated. _Bet he was going to teach me how to play Stayin' Alive if I had my Ocarina._

Moving on, Link and Tatl climbed the stairway to the top of the Hideout - which was, looking out of the window that greeted them, actually at the ground level of Clock Town - and there, they found what they were looking for alright: a huge telescope, and an old man beside it.

"Who are you?"

"Doesn't matter. Telescope." Tatl said quickly, tired of explaining everything to everyone.

"Now I can't have any more kids messin' around with my telescope, ya know! The other day, I tell ya, them Bombers brought a strange kid, such an ill-mannered brat, I tell ya! And it almost broke them lens of my here baby, ya know! Why that reminds me of back in the day where kids actually had respect for their eld-"

"Can I get you a Viagra or something to make you shut up?" Link hissed, glaring at the elder.

"Nah. I'm good, I tell ya. You can have a darn look. Kid's probably up there in the Clock Tower."

 _Skull Kid, huh? Let's look around..._

Aside from a Deku vendor flying around with some bags full of merchandise, Link wasn't finding anything in the huge, spreading field beyond the observatory. The hideout actually went undergrount outside Clock Town, so they were standing in foreign land; sure enough, Link could see the towering Clock Tower through the telescope lens.

"Well? Found him?" Tatl demanded, impatient.

"Wait, hang on." _Oooooh, lookie here. There's a Deku Baba looking around for something. And that is a... Bombchu? Well, something like that... and it's heading towards the Baba... hey! No! Don't eat it, stupid, it's a bomb- OW, HAHAHAHAHA, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE, DEKU BABA! HAHAHAHA, oh man, this is so much f-_

"FOUND HIM?!"

"Wah! Mercy! I'm sorry!" Link snapped out of it and accidentally pushed a button, which activated the scope's zoom feature. "Hey... I think I saw him! There! At the top! Tatl, zoom in some more!"

Skull Kid was there alright, dancing around. He seemed to notice the lens pointed at him, because he started to taunt Link. Then, he looked up, as did Link with the scope's lens. The moon's ugly face dropped what looked like to be a tear from its left eye.

 _The moon's crying? Why is every single thing PMSing around here, man? Seriously, hormones these d- WHAT THE?!_

The tear, which was more like a meteorite, crashed onto the ground just outside the observatory, making a huge noise and shaking the ground. When Link got up, he quickly pointed the lens at the Skull Kid once more, only to see him shake his… behind… at him and disappear.

 _THAT SON OF A B-! Who does he think he is to wave his ass around like that? Kim Kardashian?!_

"What's he doing, Link?" Tatl asked, concerned with Link's angry face.

"Nevermind," he answered, "Kid's already gone."

"Well let's see what happened outside then! Move on, jackass!"

"…" Link stood there, looking at Tatl, still looking bitter.

"... What?"

 _... Somehow I knew she was going to go back to bossy mode._

 **Day 1, Night, Termina Field**

A starry night greeted our heroes as they stepped outside the observatory into what seemed to be some sort of courtyard. From there, all the fences still made Termina Field, the mainland of Termina, visible in all its beauty.

"Well, what do we have here?" Tatl said nonchalantly, while floating around what seemed to be a shining stone.

"What DO we have? It's... a teardrop?"

"Well, it _is_ shaped like one... it sure is shining!"

"Shining... why does that ring a bell?" _Hold on. Hmm... it has to do with shining things... I'm looking for something... something... well, something..._

"... What's wrong, Link?"

"Something... we're looking for something…"

"... SHINY." They said in unison as Link tucked the jewel under his vest.

"Well," Link sighed, relieved, "That's one more for the score."

"What's next?"

"Well, we're more than done with the Bombers, we reassembled the Great Fairy, found the shiny jewel for the Deku weirdo... I guess all we have to do is find and screw the Skull Kid."

"But where is he? I thought he had disappeared!"

"Not quite," Link said, now looking at the Clock Tower, far away, "I caught a glimpse of him going inside the Clock Tower from the ceiling. He must be at the top."

"Well…" Tatl muttered, floating around him.

"Let's call it quits for today, Tatl. We can sort this out tomorrow, it will still be the second day and the kid's going nowhere."

"Link…" Tatl, again, muttered, startled by Link's "badass-jackass" personality swings.

"Come on. We gotta sleep." Link said, going inside to negotiate a stay in the observatory with the old man.

 _... Also, I gotta jack off. It's been hours!_

 **Day 2, Morning, Bombers' Hideout - Observatory**

As soon as he heard the cry of a Cuckoo, Link got out of the makeshift bed he had laid out on the floor and went outside. Morning greeted him with a fair weather, the sounds of nature announcing the beggining of a new day. As he stood daydreaming, however, the wind blew, as if warning that the picture could change.

"Morning," Tatl said, lazily getting out of Link's hat.

 _I wonder how it's like to sleep inside of a hat that has not seen a single laundry for more than a year._ "Hey there," Link answered, "You up for today?"

"I think so. What's the plan?"

"First of all we should bring that stone to the Deku." _And if he refuses, I'm going to show him how 'shiny' my bubbles can be._

"Guess you're right. Well, what are you waiting for? Move it!"

"DON'T RUSH- oh, why do I even bother…"

 **Day 2, Morning, Clock Town - South**

As soon as they were making their way to the Deku Flower situated near the Clock Tower entrance, Link felt something touch his wooden forehead. Intrigued, he looked up at the sky and did not like what he had just seen.

"Rain! Damn it! How can this be?"

"Well, there WERE some clouds on the sky…"

"But it was such a beautiful sky! How dare those damn clouds ruin it!"

"Well, don't be a bitch about it. You're not the only one that's going to get wet."

"What do you mean?"

"Over there," Tatl said, floating towards a man dressed in quite... interesting clothes; a red hat, a plain white tunic and sandals, along with a red bag. He looked pretty distraught by the rain, but, nevertheless, he made his way, weirdly marching, towards a mailbox near the Laundry Pool.

 _The fuck is that? A Roman firefighter?_

Link then made his way towards the man to ask him some questions.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"YAH"

"WHOA!" Link shouted, flinching at the man's cry, "What's wrong?"

"YAH"

"Listen, can I as-"

"YAH'

 _What, is that your mating call or something?!_

"Link," Tatl said, "I think that's about enough info from this guy."

"Yeah... such brilliant poniters he's giving." _The people I find here sure make me feel like I'm in an "alternate dimension", alright._

When Link and Tatl approached the Deku Flower, they did not need to wait any longer; the Deku's head popped out of the hole, his gaze set at his fellow Deku companion.

"Yo," the Deku said, "Youse need sumtin'?"

"Actually-" Tatl started, only to be silenced again by voices coming from within the flower.

"Wait a sec, there. Be back in a jiffy."

"... Oddball." Link said, puzzled.

"Yeah, I wonder what's up with him," Tatl answered.

"He just left without even telling what w-"

"SHUT YER TRAP, WOMAN!" The two could hear the hobo's yelling from the insides of the flower. "AIN'T NONE O' YA BUSINESS! GO BACK TO MAKIN' DAT DAMN PANCAKE! WHAT?! WHADDYA SAY?! AIN'T NO BUSTY BLONDE WOMAN AT DE DOOR! DA FUCK IS YER PROBLEM?!"

 _Well, I'm blonde, just not... busty. I hope._

"Why are you squeezing your chest?" Tatl said, staring at a surprised Link.

"Nothing!" _Gah! I should be more careful!_

"Hey, now you tell m-"

Tatl, however, was interrupted by the Deku, back from inside, now full-body out.

"Can you people let me finish a goddamn sentence?!" Tatl shouted, glowering at the Dekus.

"Sorry bro," the hobo said to Link, not even acknowledging the fairy's presence, "Just solving sumkinda pipe problem down dere."

 _Don't call me "bro", you misogynistic scumbag._ "Do you keep a house inside that flower?"

"Sure do. Dis ain't no ordinary flower like dose you're used to seein' 'round here. Dis here is a YELLOW FLOWA. Deeper 'n a throat."

"What? 'Deeper than a throat'? How does that work?" Tatl cut in.

 _Don't explain don't explain don't explain don't explain_

"... And since it deep, it means ya can fly higher. Wanna give it a spin, yo?"

"Well, I don't mind…"

"Then you need DA LAND DEED."

"Oh yeah." _He did it on purpose!_

"Gotta give me shine, boy. Where's them grillz?"

"Here it is," Link said, showing the Moon's Tear to the Deku.

"OOOOOOH BOY! DAT'S SOME SHINE! I LIKE DAT! HERE'S DA DEED!"

"Glad you like it." Link said, while tucking away the land deed to the flower. The Deku burrowed back underground, and then Link could hear some scuffle deep down.

"I'M GONNA BLIND YA, WOMAN!"

 _Wait, that's why he wanted a shiny object?! I hope I'm not tried as his accomplice if he does it!_ "Tatl?"

"Yes?" She answered, and Link pointed to the guard silently. Immediately, Tatl caught his message and went to inform the guards that a domestic violence incident was to occur.

Suddenly, a female Deku figure popped out, flying away and hanging at her Deku flowers for dear life while her loving husband gave chase, eventually catching up to her outside Clock Town. The guard called for reinforcements, which chased after both of them.

"Let's go, Link. I don't want to see how this ends…"

"Me neither. Just give me a sec here…" Link said, while preparing to launch.

As he spun around and went down inside the yellow flower, Tatl overheard two of the workers - who were helping with the building across the Clock Tower - talking to each other. Getting closer, she heard the men say:

"Listen, I don't give a damn. You can say whatever you like, but there's no way you can be right."

"Why not? You know I'm always right!"

"Do you think this is some trifling matter? This is serious! You can't go around claiming this kind of stuff! We're talking about a delicate subject here! People get killed for this!"

"But that's why I'm claiming it! What's the problem?"

"What do YOU think the problem is?! Keep your voice down so that no one hears you!"

Tatl wondered what sort of things they could be discussing with such seriousness and gusto. Maybe they were up to no good? She was going to ask them a couple of questions. Running through her wits to find the right ones, she made her way towards the two men...

"I think a change was already natural, the process was just sped up."

"Look, man, this is the last time I'll say it: Phil Jackson needs to GO!"

"Name three better managers to replace him!"

... Tatl stood there, looking dumbstruck. She listened to some more of their banter and even got some good info about the town, some of which she already knew. But when she was trying to make sense of it all, a noise startled her: the rustling of leaves, and then...

"-aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"LINK?" Tatl yelled to Link, who was floating waaaaay above her.

 _I didn't think it would go THIS high! That's higher than that time I drank Blue Potion and had a mushroom! Seriously, I wanna get down! There!_

Tatl gave meaning to the phrase Rolling On The Floor Laughing while Link landed on a platform just above the main entrance of the Clock Tower. In front of him, he saw a door.

"Hey, yellow clown," he shouted towards Tatl, "The hell's this?"

"T-that's…" Tatl said, trying to regain her composure, "… the door to the top floor of the Clock Tower."

"Ah! Is that where the Skull Kid is?"

"Yes it is."

"THEN LET'S GET IN! Wait... how do you open it?"

"Oh, I forg-"

"Ah! I remember! The A Button, right? Now where is that little blue son of a…"

"STOP IT! LINK, I'M SERIOUS, STOP!" Tatl panicked, then relaxed when she got Link's attention, "I overheard the workers down here saying that the door only opens at midnight on the day of the Carnival of Time."

"Carnival of... Time?" _A bunch of clocks and watches parading together?_

"Yeah. It's kind of a long story."

"... And you're not gonna tell me?"

"No."

 _Well aren't we blunt._ "So, when is it?"

"I heard it's the third day, since in Termina the days only start at six o' clock in the morning…"

 _That style should be adopted worldwide. Period._ "Well we have to wait some more then, right?"

"Yeah."

"Hmmm... What should we do then?"

"Maybe we should visit Stock Pot Inn." Tatl said, her whole form shining more strong.

"... I won't sustain this addiction of yours." Link said, turning his back and making his way to East Clock Town.


	6. Chapter 6: Don't Forget to Eat Lunch

**Disclaimer:** Do I even have to do this? I'm running out of jokes

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Stock Pot Inn**

The clocks marked the beginning of the afternoon, their strange pointers indicating that it was already 12:00 PM. As our heroes entered the Stock Pot Inn, they took in the lobby's appearance. The place was reasonably small, for a two-story building. The lobby was as simple as it could be, with a front desk – and the clerk, tiredly staring at Link and Tatl, as if warning them that they shouldn't even bother – to the left and a waiting couch to the right, a few (and very creepy) tribal masks hanging on the wall above. Straight ahead from the door, a corridor that split in two, one leading to the back hallway – nothing more than the kitchen, a couple of non-guest rooms and a bathroom – and another leading to the staircase for the second floor, where the "vast" array of three rooms was located; one of them being the employees' room.

Link headed to the front desk, ignoring the clerk's bored-as-hell face. Tatl stood alongside him, floating around his hat.

"Excuse me, miss, I was hoping you could spare me a room?" Link asked politely.

"Yeah, like I have a goddamn choice…" she muttered, annoyed, reaching for the guest book.

 _Jeez, so much for people skills._

"Do you have a reservation or something…?" Again, sounding exhausted, the clerk asked, not bothering to look at Link.

"No, actually, I just arriv—"

"Well sorry, no rooms then. Both rooms are filled."

"What? By who?"

"Are you kidding me…? I can't tell you that."

"Look," Tatl intervened, "We came from very far away, we just want a place to stay for the night, maybe you could spare a makeshift room or something, we can pay…"

"Christ, I told you, there are NO. ROOMS. AVAILABLE! Get the fuck away from here!" The clerk suddenly snapped, startling Link and Tatl.

 _What the hell was THAT for?!_ "Hey, hey, calm down! Jeez! Sorry for asking for service, you know!"

"Whatever, Link," Tatl bitterly said, "Let's just get out."

"Wait," the clerk interrupted, "Your name is… Link?"

"Yeah, why? You gonna snap at my name too?" _You bitch._

"Oh holy mother of… that Goron took me for a ride… son of a—"

"'That Goron'? Look, lady, what is going on?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Link, it appears I have made a small mistake." The clerk suddenly changed her demeanor, which wasn't ignored by our fearless hero.

 _Aside from not going to a therapist yet?_

"You see, I had a reservation here for a Mr. Link, for the suite room, the 'Knife Chamber'. A Goron showed up claiming to be you and took the reservation."

"Oh." _Why would a Goron be here anyway? This stinks like last week's lunch. I should have a chat with this guy. But I never made a reservation in the first place…_

"Just a moment, I am going to sort this out. Please, make yourself at home…"

"Link, that lady is whacked out," Tatl stated.

"Oh yeah, she is. But hey," Link asked, "did you make a reservation here? Because I sure as hell didn't."

"No, I don't know about that either…"

The two of them stopped talking after hearing loud noises from the floor above. Link went to the stairs to check things out, only to be hit by a rolling Goron.

"DON'T YOU EVER SHOW YOUR FACE IN HERE AGAIN, YOU LOWLIFE SCUM, PIECE OF SHIT!" the clerk screamed, waving a broom around.

"I keep telling you!" the Goron stated, about to burst into tears, "my name is really Li—"

"DON'T START THIS AGAIN! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY INN!"

 _Is the inn really yours, miss?_

"Oh all right then!" a tearful Goron uncurled from his ball state, picked his blue hat from the floor and dragged his feet out of the door, carrying a heavy backpack along.

 _God damn it! The guy really had a reservation here and I just had his ass kicked for no reason! I am a_ monster _! I have to help him!_

"Here you are, sir. This is your room key," the clerk politely said, handing Link the key to the Knife Chamber room.

"Look, actually, I—" Link started, only to be cut off by the clerk.

"No no no! Don't mention, it. I'm sorry you had to witness that and go through all that trouble. As a compliment from the house, I will put a Silver Rupee chest in your room shortly."

"I, um… thanks." _Yeah, you know what? Fuck Gorons. I still haven't forgotten Darunia beating me around all the time back home._

"My name is Anju. If you need anything, you give me a shout. Okay? Also, we have complimentary bottles, should your fairy need to rest."

"Why would I rest in a bottle, of all places?!" Tatl angrily said, while Link just whistled and cut in, "Well, shall we?"

"I will go ahead and prepare your room, Mr. Link. Feel free to have a look around the inn, if you wish," Anju said, taking her leave.

"Link, maybe we should check out the back hallway and see if there's something we can find to help us fight the Skull Kid."

"Um, here? In this inn?"

"Who knows, man! Just get on with it already!"

"DON'T R—"

"YES I WILL RUSH YOU! NOW GO!" Tatl shouted, dragging Link by his wooden nose.

 _I guess Anju isn't the only lady around who needs to see a doc!_

Heading for the hallway, Link entered the first room he saw, right as he entered the hallway. Inside, an old lady sat in a rocking chair next to a fireplace.

"Oh, Tortus," the old lady said, "have you not eaten yet, child?"

"What?" Link asked, confused.

"Now now, Tortus. You should know that the Great Fairy does not give away candy to boys who do not eat!"

"Oh holy Goddess of Time…" Tatl stated in dismay, then asked, "Excuse me, are you senile?"

"Oh! Tortus, that is a very shiny dog you have with you there! Why, I'd never expect you to take to animals!"

 _A dog?! This is beyond senile! This woman is crazy! Every woman in this inn is completely insane!_

"Very well, Tortus. Do you want me to tell you a story? I know you like them, so I brought two books with me today."

 _Yeah, I'll take a rain check on that, I'm not much for stories myself._

"Story?" Tatl asked.

"Would you like me to read the Four Giants for you? Or the Carnival of Time?"

"Carnival…" Link started, "Yes! Please!"

"Oh, well, if you have to…" Tatl stated, bored, going into Link's hat.

The old lady picked up a book, opened it, and started as Link sat on the carpet, ears sharp.

"Once upon a time…"

 _Yes! Yes! I'll finally make some headway into this whole thing! Maybe if I get to know this Carnival of Time, I'll figure out a way of… stopping… the Skull…_

…

 **Day 2, Evening, Stock Pot Inn**

"Why, Tortus! Did you fall asleep?" the old lady said to a groggy Link, who, after a few seconds, jumped to his feet.

"Wha— wh— fu— hey!" _I fell asleep! Goddamn it! I can't believe this!_

"This is what happens to children who skip their lunch!"

"T-tell me the story again!" Link pledged, "I swear, this time I'll stay awake!"

"Very well, Tortus. Ahem- once upon a time…"

…

 **Day 2, Night, Stock Pot Inn**

"Tortus, you fell asleep again! Maybe you should head to bed, hmmm? There's always tomorrow for more stories!"

"What the fuck?! This can't be real!" _Is this book laced with something? I was wide awake there!_

Link headed out of the room, defeated.

 _Maybe I'll just go rest like she told me…_

"So, Sleeping Beauty," Tatl said, now out of his hat again, "what's the plan?"

"You're so funny", Link replied dryly, then said, "Maybe we should go back to our room and crash there, and tomorrow we'll fuck around a bit until the gate opens."

"Sounds like a plan," Tatl agreed, "Let's go to our Knife Chamber then."

"I just hope we're not taking a… stab in the dark here," Link so cleverly joked, receiving a bumping in the head from Tatl as his response.

The duo climbed the stairs, passed a door that led to the terrace (where one of the Bombers was hiding during the hide-and-seek game), then passed another door labeled "Employees Only", and then, on the middle of the corridor, they finally found the Knife Chamber.

As soon as they entered, they felt stabbed alright – even though they were staying for free, that room was just too much. The bed had an old blanket which was ripped in many places, and then there was a fireplace that lit up about half an inch in front of it, a dirty window and a cracked wall that let in all of the noise from the employees' room.

"Damn," Tatl could only manage to say.

"This is definitely the worst room I've ever had to sleep in, and I spent pretty much my life sleeping on a wooden log in a tree house", Link commented as well.

"At least the chest is there, as promised."

Link opened the chest, finding the aforementioned Silver Rupee inside. Rupees were the national Hyrule currency, and for Termina, apparently, as well. A silver one was worth 100 rupees, which is nothing to sneeze at.

"Ehh, well, let's get our asses in bed already," Link said.

"You mean you get your ass in bed and I get my pretty little backside inside your hat."

"Whatever floats your boat, Russian."

"What?"

"Sweet dreams!"

As nighttime finally crept in completely around Termina, our heroes fell into a deep slumber. As well-deserved as the rest was, the fact is that the giant, monster-faced moon above them did not sleep. And was quietly – but surely – on its way to touch all.

 **Day 2, Midnight, Stock Pot Inn**

"… _did not get my item?"_

"… _of Healing…"_

 _Huh?_

"… _back into your human…"_

 _What is…_

"… _Ocean. Canyon…"_

"… _then try to stop it!"_

 _Skull… Kid… ?_

"… _remember the Song of Time…"_

 _Zelda!_

"WHAAAAA—" Link sharply got up from bed, sweating a bit. His two consecutive naps during the old lady's storytelling did his body no good, and flashes of people and loose phrases hindered his deep resting state.

 _Huh, I managed not to wake Tatl up. Better leave my hat in the porch. Still... what_ was _that?_

Getting up, he looked around and decided he wasn't in the mood for sleeping anymore. Opening the door to the hallway, he paused for a moment to think of something to do.

 _Well, I'll swing by the restroom first, nature is calling. Then maybe I'll just wander around town, see if I catch any more interesting characters..._

As Link headed very quickly to said restroom and readied himself to... make use of the inn's facilities, our Hero of Time was suddenly surprised. From the depths of the toilet (which, really, was more of an indent in the center of a wooden platform), out came... _an entire arm_.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS"

"YEAAAAOOOW!" a voice shouted from inside the toilet, and then pledged, more timidly, "Pa-paper, please!"

"Jesus fucking Christ what are you?! Why is an arm talking to me?! Am I still stuck in that dream?!"

"PA-PAPERRRRRRR!" the "arm" shouted, startling Link again.

"GAH! SHIT! TAKE YOUR STUPID PAPER THEN!" Link panicked, throwing the land deed for the yellow flower at the toilet. After it fell deep within the entrails of the "system", the mysterious arm twisted around, the hand giving Link a thumbs up.

"YE-EY", the arm shouted, and then went down, never to surface again.

 _My god… this is… fuck… I-I gotta get out of this place…_

Link left the bathroom and made his way out of the inn, through the set of stairs to his left and then through the gate from East to North Clock Town, still running away from the accursed establishment.

 **Day 2, Midnight, Clock Town – North**

As he finally stopped spinning madly around, Link came to a halt when he almost bumped an individual standing by the slide. He had a very happy face and was fidgeting with his arms side to side, all smiles and such.

Almost too much smiles.

"Hey, what's hangin'?" Link asked the man.

"I'm not doing anything suspicious… really," the man answered back.

 _Huh, if you say so._ "So, have you heard of this Carniv—"

As Link was talking, the man just plainly ignored him and turned his head to the gate from Termina Field to the North, from where an elderly woman came, carrying a huge bag on her back. Then, he started to jog weirdly in a diagonal line. Link only watched, confused, but when he realized what the man was about to do…

… it was too late. The man "bumped" into the lady, leving her on the ground and taking her bag with him, running.

"Thief! Stop!" the lady shouted.

 _Fuck, I gotta stop him or she'll cream me for letting him do that under my nose!_

The thief tried to run as fast as he could, but, obviously, the heavy bag slowed him down considerably. As such, Link readied himself and started charging his bubbles…

… but they missed. Once, twice, thrice.

 _Oh god damn it! I can't go near the guy, what if he waves that thing at me? I'm too small! I have to hit this! Come oooonnnn…_

The thief was just at the gate to Termina Field when Link blew the last bubble. It flew, dancing around the air a bit before hitting the man in the face…

… and nothing happened. The man wiped his face and ran through an oblivious guard, a guard who let the thief go, but still kept intent on blocking Link's way.

"Move! Move! Let me pass! Did you not see the thief running past you?! Go after him yourself then!"

"..."

"You fucking corrupt cops!" he screamed at the guard as he left through to the gate from North to South, not wanting to face the old lady.

 _Damn, I let the thief go. That's… just… shit, man._

 _... Sometimes I wish I could just… I don't know, go back in time..._

Link thought about going back to his room, but first, he went to the west side to wander a bit and lay off the bad vibes.

 **Day 2, Past midnight, Clock Town – West**

As he got there, Link looked up at the starry sky greeting him… and the moon, scarily looming, almost hanging over their heads like a guillotine, ready to end their lives at a moment's notice, as inevitable as death itself. Yet, somehow, no one really seemed to care that much, save for him, Tatl and the mask salesman.

"PLEASE!" a voice rang, snapping Link out of his thoughts.

"WAH!" _Fuck's sake! Why is everyone out to scare me today?!_

"Please, make a deposit!" the voice came from a man… or woman? Link couldn't tell, but whatever it was, they were sitting on a ledge, viciously pounding their palms against their legs.

"A deposit?"

"Yes! If you do that, you can save money, and if you save enough, you get a prize!"

"A prize for deposits?"

"Yes!"

 _Alternate dimensions…_ "Well, why not, it's not like I can waste this Silver Rupee on booze around here. I'll do it."

"YES! Oh, yes, yes!" the figure screamed, opening his arms and lifting them upwards as if thanking the gods for the mentioned deposit, "Let me just mark you first…"

"Wha— hey! Hey! Get your hands off— " Link struggled, but the person only wanted to put some mysterious ink on his forehead, so they did it anyway.

 _I hope this is not LSD!_

"Now I'll remember you when you swing by again for a deposit or withdrawal!"

"... Well okay then, take this," Link said, handing over the Silver Rupee, "And I'll see you, I guess."

"Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome." _Fucking nut._

As soon as he turned away from the bank, a sign caught his eye. It was the Bomb Shop sign, by the end of the stairs. Bored, he decided to swing by.

 **Day 2, Past midnight, Bomb Shop**

The inside of the place was big, but pretty empty. No one was at the front desk, and another Goron in town was sleeping on the corner.

 _Well, this must be what they call a successful business around here… ah, c'mon, Link. It's the dead of the night. No one's buying bombs at 3AM unless they're either planning a terrorist attack, or super, super drunk_.

As soon as Link finished musing, a very weird-looking bald man, dressed like a punk rock band reject, came shuffling to the front desk to attend him. Link was going to say something, but…

... as soon as he started to form words, the old lady from the theft appeared behind the man, sobbing.

Link ran for dear life and, this time, he wasn't going to stick around. A couple of minutes later and he was already under his sheets at the Knife Chamber, cursing under his breath and trying not to wake his partner up.

 _If only I wasn't a fucking Deku…!_


	7. Chapter 7: Daydream

**A/N:** Well, I checked the stats and hey, I scored a couple of views! So that's nice, I guess.

 **Disclaimer** : Laughing straight to the bank

* * *

Chapter 7: Daydream

* * *

 **Day 3, Morning, Stock Pot Inn**

Sunshine greeted Link and Tatl through their room's "first-class" window, announcing the beginning of a new day. The clock struck 6 'o clock perfectly, officially stating that Day 3 had begun.

The only thing that people seemed not to remember was that…

"AHHH! LINK! LINK! WAKE UP!" Tatl screamed, jumping out of Link's hat and floating madly about.

"Huh… what…?" A groggy Link answered.

"IT'S THE FINAL DAY!"

"Huh… final… WAIT! YOU'RE RIGHT! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT!" _Goddamn you, stupid dork! The salesman told you that you had three days to save Termina from total destruction!_

"We have to find a way to get into that tower, and SOON!"

"You know," Link pondered, then dashed for the door "your bossy mode sometimes is really useful!"

"W-Wait!" Tatl followed suit.

Out on the hallway again, our heroes decided to ask around for a way to open the door. The people they still hadn't talked to were few, but luckily, some were pretty close…

* * *

 **Day 3, Morning, Guest Room**

Link and Tatl entered the only other room on the inn; and it was even more of a sham than the Knife Chamber. The room was spacious, sure, but that was it. No windows, a wooden floor with no carpet, a single small round table and two cheap-looking bunk beds opposite from each other. There, a girl wearing a dancer's collant paced back and forth; her expression, one of pondering. Sitting on a chair by the table, a bald man spun the lever on a music box that emanated a familiar sound…

 _T-This is… the song… of st—_

"LLLLLLLADADADADADAAAAA…"

"WAH!" Link snapped out of his thoughts by the man's "cry".

"What can do for you?

I see you helpless, doesn't know what to do

I wish I can help you in some way

So please, ask away!" the music box man sang.

 _Oh brother._ "Um," Link started, "Me and my partner here are looking for a way to get onto the top of the Clock Tower…"

"The Clock Tower, you say?

There is no easy way

It only opens at midnight

When the fireworks take flight!"

"'Fireworks take flight?'" Tatl asked.

"When 12 P.M. strikes the clock

The gate will unlock

You see, it is meant to only open at all

By the time we begin the Carnival!"

"C-Carnival?!" Link asked, hollow wooden eyes wide, "Please! Tell me more!" _This is it! I'll finally get some info on this goddamn Carnival of T—_

A creaking noise was heard, followed by a snap.

The lever broke and came off of the music box, luring its owner into total silence, staring blankly at the wall, only the sound of his rhythmical breathing being heard now.

"…"

"…"

"…"

 _This gotta be a bad joke or something. Every fucking time I approach this topic, something happens and I end up unable to learn anything at all. Even Tatl won't tell me about it. I'm not one for conspiracies, but…_

"He won't say a word if his music box isn't spinning," the dancer girl told Tatl, who was already speaking with her.

"And you can help us in his place?" Tatl asked.

"No." the girl replied, looking at the wall.

 _That's one more moody girl for the Temper-Temper Inn._

"… Not even a lead?" Link asked.

"Look," the girl replied angrily, "I'm busy here. I have some dance steps to figure out by tomorrow."

Link and Tatl looked at each other, no one wanting to ask the obvious question regarding the "tomorrow" bit of the girl's statement, and left the room sulking.

"Is there really no one aware of the moon growing above them other than me, you, the Skull Kid and that creep salesman?" Tatl pondered.

"That is one strong kind of denial if that's true," Link replied, "besides, the moon gets bigger and bigger with every passing hour. They can't just be ignoring this!"

"Well, let's try and find a way to get into that tower. Then we can sort out the mental issues of the people here."

"I'd rather not, this town is full of 'special cases'."

* * *

 **Day 3, Afternoon, Clock Town – East**

Out on the open again, our heroes were quickly taken by surprise.

A tremor shook the ground around them, loud earthquake noises startling them as everything vibrated, like a hole was about to bust open below their feet. However, after a few seconds, the tremor subsided, luckily not harming them or the town itself.

"What in the name of God was that?!" Tatl screamed.

"I don't know, it felt like an earthquake, but it went away so quickly…" Link answered, then trailed off, "… uhhh…"

"What?"

Link pointed up, and Tatl was knocked for a loop, figuratively… and almost literally.

The moon was certainly bigger than last time. The scary face it had was now even more recognizable, zoomed in, features in huge detail. The wide, creepy eyes, the open mouth with putrid, yellow teeth crunching together in an expression of utter rage and pain… As if…

… _The person who made this is reflecting their own feelings…_

"…Wow." Tatl managed to say, in awe of the huge monstrosity above them, fear creeping in the back of her mind as she ran out of words to use.

"We are SO dead if we let this thing fall," Link stated the obvious, "It will take the whole world with it and who knows what else…"

Still with a lot of questions floating on his mind, Link shrugged after finishing speaking and headed south, Tatl right behind him.

* * *

 **Day 3, Afternoon, Clock Town – South**

As soon as the two went down the stairs and stepped foot into the south side of Clock Town for what felt like the billionth time, Tatl stopped in front of Link and floated slowly around.

"Link… don't you feel something is different here?"

"Well, I haven't been approached by any 'interesting' characters or heard any innuendos so far," Link replied.

"I'm serious, dorkhead! Look around!"

" _Dorkhead"? Is that the best you can come up with?_ "Hmmmm… now that you mention it…" Link looked around, slowly piecing things together.

"Yeah…"

"…The town seems… emptier, I think. I can only see a couple of those carpenters that were here yesterday."

"Maybe most of the townsfolk are seeking shelter?"

"From the moon? But weren't they in complete denial?"

"Well, denial can only last so long, you know," Tatl answered matter-of-factly, "besides, the guards here have been encouraging people to leave town."

"What do you mean?"

"Look over here," Tatl said, floating around a poster on a nearby wall.

"It says… 'Check out these babes on www.2girls1c-'"

"THE BOTTOM ONE!"

"Oh, ok," Link said, then crouched a bit to read the poster, "'We encourage you to flee and find refuge out of town!' What?"

"There's more."

"I know… it goes on to say that the moon will fall and such… But are they so dense to think that fleeing will prevent anything at all? They can't be possibly telling people that the moon crash will only affect the town!"

"It's signed by the Clock Town Defense Unit," Tatl stated.

"How can a defense unit suck so badly at, well, defense?!"

"We ARE talking about the town where all sorts of bizarre things happen."

"Huh. True." _The town where arms come out of toilets…_

"Well Link, do we have any time left?"

"We're close to evening," Link replied, looking at the Clock Tower's, well, clock, "maybe if we went exploring outside we can find some of the fleeing people and get them to talk to us?"

"Sounds good to me…" Tatl pensively replied, then continued. "But we'd better act quick. We can't wait until midnight for the gate to open! We need as much time as we can to stop the Skull Kid, especially now that he's powering up with that mask…"

"Yeah, well, let's get going then," Link answered, then moved towards the gate that linked South Clock Town to Termina Field. The guard stood still, looking up, not moving but displaying a look of mild terror and disbelief on having the moon, of all things, en route to flatten his entire being into oblivion.

However, as soon as he took notice of Link, there he was, just like the other guards; moving sideways to block his way.

"Are you kidding me?!" Link blurted out, not getting any reaction from the guard.

"Can you please get a move on?! We are trying to flee! Like you told us to in that poster!" Tatl angrily lied.

But the guard stood there, motionless. Not saying a word.

 _I seriously hate those fuckheads._

"Alright Tatl. There's only one way to sort this."

"What do you mean?"

"I feel that the Carnival of Time is strongly linked to this. I have to learn about the story behind this event. And I'm going to find it even if I have to waste time until midnight!"

"Link…"

"If you don't want to help me, fine, stay here and go find yourself a hole to crawl into," Link hissed, starting to lose it, "but I am going to listen to some Carnival stuff right now if it's the last damn thing I do!"

He, then, left, completely angry, leaving Tatl behind.

* * *

 **Day 3, Evening, Stock Pot Inn**

As Link entered the Inn, something caught his attention; Anju wasn't there. Instead, a fat lady with red hair and green overalls stood by the desk.

"Um, who are you?" Link asked.

"Who are YOU?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO ASK ME THIS?!" The lady snapped.

 _Jeez! Not another one! I'm never staying in this inn again!_ "I'm sorry! I'm the person staying in the Knife Chamber, my name is Link! It's just, I haven't seen you around…"

"Well that's because I'm usually not here, idiot!" she bellowed. "I'm Anju's mother, and the owner of Stock Pot Inn!"

 _I know now where Anju got her unique mood from..._ "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. Whaddya want?"

"I was wondering where she was?"

"We are about to skip town. Going to the ranch. Moon's falling."

"Ranch?" _And why do you think you're going to save your ass from the moon crash?_

"Romani Ranch, near the swamp."

"Ah, that one." _Which I've never heard anything about._

"Anyways, Anju and my mother are about to leave too. If you have some business with her, make it quick."

 _Her mother… the old lady! That's it!_ "Thank you very much."

"Whatever. Just be quick."

Link dashed for the back room, where the old lady still sat on the same place she was the other day. As soon as she noticed him, she was already starting the same old dialogue:

"Oh, Tortus, are y—"

"Yes yes I am doing whatever you think I am doing and my name is absolutely Tortus whatever PLEASE CAN I LISTEN TO THAT STORY AGAIN ABOUT THE CARNIVAL OF TIME?!"

"Oh, sure, Tortus. But can't it wait a bit? I can read it to you on our way to the United Kingdom."

 _First of all, you're going to the ranch._ "No! Please! I have to listen to it now!"

"Well alright then, Tortus. Here we go…"

 _This is it! Nothing's gonna make me sleep now! I am awake, wide open eyes, like an owl!_

"A long time ago, the land of Termina…"

".. Yes?!"

"… What was it again..."

"No, please, don't forget it! Don't trust your memory! Read it straight from the book!"

"Ok, Tortus. Calm down. You're not going to get any candy from the Great Fairy if you misbehave!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, really, go on."

"Ok. Now then…"

…

* * *

 **Day 3, Evening, Stock Pot Inn**

"…"

 _No… this can't…_

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link screamed, but to no one, as the old lady had already left with her family.

 _This is a conspiracy! I can't believe this! Why is this happening to me?! I am the Hero of Time! I am not to be taken lightly! I have slain demons with my bare han—_

"Link?!" Tatl barged in.

"What?!" Link replied, annoyed.

"It's midnight…"

"W-what…"

As Link searched for words to say, fireworks burst into the skies above, the noises throwing his train of thought completely off track.

"LET'S GO!" Tatl screamed, dashing to the door, Link following suit.

* * *

 **Day 3, Midnight, Clock Town – South**

As Link and Tatl reached the south area once more, they caught a glimpse of a carpenter, different from the others, older, with white hair and all – probably the leader – fleeing from the town with tears falling from his eyes.

They could barely comment on the scene, though. Another noise, coming from the tower, caught their attention.

The top portion of the tower rose, then fell down perpendicularly like a lever, halting to a stop when it found its reach. Now pointing forward, the "lever" seemed to activate something, because the closed door Link and Tatl were so worried about these past days opened. Behind it was another door. And another. And another. One by one, doors opened, a part of their top halves sticking out, forming a very cleverly hidden set of stairs.

"This must be it…" Link mused.

"The stairway to the top…" Tatl muttered, both at a loss for words.

"Okay, we have to get up there!"

"How?"

"What? Have you forgotten? I have the land deed for the yellow flower!"

"Oh yeah! Can I see it again please?" Tatl asked.

"Sure, h—" Link stopped suddenly and pretended to be in a rush, "Now's not the time! Let's go, I can show it later!"

"O-OK!" Tatl said, floating by Link as he dashed for the Deku Flower.

 _I am NOT telling her what happened to that land deed…_

Link burrowed under the flower and launched himself upwards, this time, not even caring about the height or anything at all, adrenaline rushing through him. After all, it was midnight. They had only six measly hours – which seemed to pass by very quickly in Termina – to put a stop to world destruction.

A minute later, they were already in front of the newfound stairway. They exchanged looks and went up, not saying a word to each other, taking in the responsibility and seriousness of the moment.

 _Skull Kid… your pranks end here!_

* * *

 **Day 3, Final hours, Clock Tower – Top**

Link and Tatl reached the top, and, a moment later, the exit was already closed.

"Damn it!" Link whispered.

"T-That's…" Tatl trailed off, and Link was about to say something, but when he looked up..

The top floor looked like a huge observatory of sorts. The flooring was weirdly colored, with strong hues flashing everywhere, contrasting with the grey composition of the floor itself. The walls, also not colored by nature, but by a weird glow, were hued variously, surrounding a huge glass panel that took about half the room, showing a direct view of the moon; now, closer than ever.

And, hovering above, as small as Tatl herself…

The Skull Kid… And Tael, the purple fairy, by his side.

"S-Sis!" Tael exclaimed.

"Tael!" Tatl replied excitedly.

"Swamp. Mountain. Ocean. Canyon. Hurry… the four who are there… Bring them here…" Tael said, cryptically.

 _Where have I heard that before?_

Before Link could voice his thoughts, the Skull Kid floated next to Tael… and punched the boy-fairy, pushing him backwards.

"Don't speak out of line! Stupid fairy!" he snapped.

 _Coward!_

"Noo!" Tatl screamed, "What are you doing to my brother?! Skull Kid, do you still think you're our friend after that?!"

 _What, you were still considering him a friend when he was PLANNING TO DESTROY THE WORLD?_

Skull Kid, however, didn't seem fazed by Tatl's venom-filled words. He stood calmly in the air, legs crossed, throwing Link's Ocarina of Time up and catching it down.

 _My Ocarina! He was the one! Son of a bitch! I nearly wasted a ton of Rupees on eBay for nothing!_

"…Well, whatever," the Skull Kid finally said, "Even if they were to come now, they couldn't handle me… Hee hee."

"What?!" Link replied.

"Just look above you…"

"T-The moon…" Tatl muttered, trembling.

"…If it's something that can be stopped, then just try to stop it!" Skull Kid voiced strongly, and Link had a flash.

 _T-These words… phrases… that dream!_

While Link was busy forming sentences coherently, the Skull Kid let out a loud banshee scream and unleashed a magic wave that shook the entire place…

…And the moon started falling faster than before.

Now with much less time, Link had to act fast.

 _That dream wasn't for nothing… Zelda was in it… I just know she did something magical again… she's trying to send me a message… I need that Ocarina back, and now!_

"Link, do something!" Tatl screamed, then screamed again when Link ran towards the Skull Kid. "Link, what are you doing?! LINK, GET BACK HERE!"

But Link didn't listen. He looked up and saw the Skull Kid still all stretched out, letting out his magic, speeding up the moon…

… And let out a bullet bubble from his nose.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, we know how this thing goes, but let's just pretend this is a cliffhanger…


	8. Chapter 8: Partners in Time

**A/N** : Aaaaaaaaaand we're at the part of the story that I dreaded the most. Y'all who are familiar with MM's story know that after this point things get BIG. I'm probably going to have to rethink that word count business.

Anyway, let's carry on. Reviews are, as always, appreciated (except if you're 'that' guy who loves to comment FIRST! in anything)

 **Disclaimer** : I really hate this "FIRST" business I mean it's so 2007

* * *

Chapter 8: Partners in Time

* * *

 **Day 3, Final hours, Clock Tower – Top Floor**

"L-Link!" Tatl exclaimed after seeing Link shoot a bubble at the Skull Kid. Such an action was, of course, an act of desperation, and she knew better than anyone that acts of desperation aren't always the solution.

But Link had a plan.

The bubble hit the Skull Kid, who was startled by it and, even though no damage was dealt, broke off from his spellcasting stance. He was no longer sending any waves into the moon, but, more importantly… he dropped the Ocarina of Time from his hands.

 _There!_

Link dashed towards the falling Ocarina and spun towards it, catching the mystical blue instrument before it could hit the ground.

The Skull Kid didn't even bother. Not saying a word, he returned to his ritual, still untouchable and still forcing the moon towards Termina.

As soon as Link put his hands into the Ocarina, his thoughts took him somewhere far in the past…

* * *

 **FLASHBACK**

" _So… you're leaving?" Zelda said, a little downcast_ _._

" _Yeah. Navi just up and left me without even saying a word. What kind of friend does that?" Link replied, looking around._

" _Um… you didn't hear about what happened to Navi…?" Zelda lifted her shy look from the ground, now trying to look the Hylian boy in the eye._

" _Nope, what's going on?"_

" _She got engaged to a Russian oil tycoon…"_

"…"

" _L-Link?"_

"…"

" _Are you… sad?"_

" _No, I just don't know what a Russian is."_

" _Oh. Anyway, um, here's the Ocarina of Time…"_

" _What for?"_

" _It's for you… for whenever you f-feel… l-lonely… and you feel like… l-like talking to m-"_

" _Oh! I see what you mean! So if I play Saria's Song I can talk to her and not feel lonely, right?"_

" _Umm… I-I… y-yeah, that's why." Zelda said, her blush disappearing as she recovered from that nasty blow._

" _Thanks, Zelda! You're the best! Now I'm off to find Navi."_

" _Where are you going, Link?!"_

" _Russian Land, where else?!" Link said, mounting on Epona and dashing towards the Lost Woods…_

 **FLASHBACK**

* * *

"LINK!" Tatl's scream snapped the young Deku back to reality.

"W-Waaah! Mercy!" he squeaked.

"I don't know what you plan to do with that Ocarina, but it's not going to be enough!" she panicked. "Somebody! Anybody! Goddess of Time… we need more time!"

 _Has she lost it or what? Hmm… OK, now what, Zelda? I have the Ocarina in my hands… I think I'll just play all the songs I know and see where it takes me!_

As soon as Link decided to carry out his "well-crafted" plan, however, something strange happened to his Ocarina. The item, now in his pocket, began to shine a bit. Then, all of a sudden…

"WHOA!" Link screamed, startled.

"Link! Where did you get that?!" Tatl asked.

A group of five pipes burst from Link's pocket, arranged around him as if he was playing pipes from orchestras or something. Those were Deku Pipes, very creatively named by Deku musicians.

 _The Ocarina changed into those pipes… And here I was, thinking that I knew all there was to this blue monstrosity. Well, anyway, back to the plan!_

As the moon got even closer to the ground, to the point of shaking the place constantly, Link blew on his pipe a familiar tune…

… The Song of Time. A melody learned by Link during his time on Hyrule, the song was passed down by the Royal Family and the Sheikah People. Its purpose was to open the Door of Time, where Link's Master Sword was put to rest.

However… that was Hyrule, and this was Termina. As we move towards new skies, things change, we change… and yes, the meaning of some melodies may change too.

Everything turned white before Link and Tatl's eyes, and, for a couple of seconds, shadows of clocks passed by him at high speeds, as he was thurst backwards into nowhere… and then… darkness.

* * *

 **Day X, Time Y, Clock Town – South**

Link and Tatl woke up in a strangely familiar place.

 _Whoa… what the hell was that all about? I feel like I had a Blue Potion overdose…_

"Link, we are…" Tatl, dazed, stuttered, "… in front of the Clock Tower…"

"And look, the town is populated again…" Link said, confused as well, looking at the townsfolk going about their businesses like nothing had happened at all.

"It feels like… everything…" Tatl said, looking to the sky… "… started over…"

Link looked up to the sky as well, only to see the same scary-faced moon he saw about to crash the ground moments ago, now way up in the sky, just like it was in the first time they set foot into Clock Town.

"T-The Song of Time… reseted everything…" Link stuttered, amazed by what he just did.

"Hey! You still have the Ocarina, though!" Tatl excitedly pointed out, "It seems like we somehow altered the universe!"

"That's a lot more dangerous than you realize, Tatl."

"Well, it's the only way I see that we can defeat the Skull Kid! Just keep going back in time until we can undo everything that's happened up until the day he got that mask!"

"Hey, you're right!" Link said, getting his pipes out. He played the Song of Time again…

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Clock Town – South**

… But to no avail.

"Well," Link sighed, "It seems we can only get back to the first day in Termina."

"Oh," Tatl disappointedly stated, but then lit up a bit. "Well whatever! We've still got a weapon against that fucker!"

"True enough. So what's next?"

"Hold on, first I want to check something," Tatl said, floating towards the Deku Flower.

"STOP! STOP!" a voice rang.

 _Oh no…_

"Youse know, dis here's my piec…" the Deku started, only to be cut off when our heroes left him talking.

"Yeah, everything resetted alright," Tatl said.

"You really had to do this?"

"Yup."

 _There she goes again…_

"Now," Tatl stated, "Tael said something interesting when we found him at the Clock Tower."

"Oh yeah! The thing about 'the four who are there', right?"

"Yup. Termina is divided in five sectors: one, of course, is this one, the Clock Town."

"Yeah, go on…" _As if you are my teacher or something…_

"Now, to the south is the swamp. The ocean is west from here, the mountains are through the north and, finally, we have the canyon to the east. That is probably what he meant by that."

"Um, I have a question," Link asked, raising his hand.

"This is not a classroom, idiot."

"Oh, sorry. Anyway… I never realized Tael was a boy."

"… Is that all?"

"Yeah."

Tatl banged herself against Link's head.

"OW! You bitch!"

"Anyway, let's report back to that mask salesman first, because he'll probably want to know that we have a plan."

"… As much as I don't want to…" Link said, going inside the tower.

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Tower – Machine Room**

There was the Happy Mask Shop salesman, standing beside one of the clock's engines, happily grinning, rubbing his hands together, shifting his weight from side to side.

"Hey, look who's back," he said.

 _Apparently we haven't gone too far back in time to the point that he forgot our first conversation. I don't know if this is good or bad…_

"So, we got news," Tatl bluntly said, cutting right to the chase.

"About my mask?"

"No, about David Beckham. Did you see that he's considering a return to—"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry for my stupid question!" the salesman angrily cut Tatl off, showing an allergic reation to sarcasm.

"Yikes!" Link screamed, "Tatl! Don't upset the guy, who knows what he can do to us!"

"S-Sorry," she apologized, then continued, "OK. So, we haven't got it back yet, but…"

"You did not get my item…?"

 _Hey…_

"Let me finish! We have a way to…"

"Y-YOU HAVEN'T….." the salesman's smiling mouth started to twitch at the corners.

"Look!" Link cut in again, "We have a magic Ocar—"

But it was too late, as the Happy Mask salesman turned his look into a contorted, psychotic glare and reached for Link's tunic collar.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME! YOU MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" he screamed, shaking Link as he foamed at the mouth. Then, he dropped him, grabbed his head and started to freak out.

 _This guy is completely off his rocker! He scared me more than a hundred Dead Hands could've!_

"LOOK! WE HAVE THE OCARINA OF TIME!" Tatl screamed, trying to get to him.

"!" The salesman turned to look at Tatl and, all of a sudden, he was already breathing normally, his stupid grin plastered all over his face again.

"Oh! The Ocarina of Time! Ahhh, this takes me back…"

… _I'd like to "take you back" as well… to the cuckoo's nest that you flew over, you son of a bitch!_

"You know", he continued, "I can turn you back to your original form with it."

"You're talking to me?" Link asked.

"Who else?!" Tatl exclaimed.

"Yes, with the Song of Healing."

"The Song of… Healing…?" Link asked, not really paying attention because of what had clicked inside his head. _That dream… You mean I had a premonition? Why the fuck doesn't this happen when I bet at the horse racing or something?!_

"The Song of Healing is an old Hylian melody with the power to heal one's sorrows. It was said to be used on wandering spirits, who would then leave masks behind."

"Masks?" _As if I hadn't heard enough about masks lately…_

"Yes. But that's about all I know."

"Well then, let's get to healing me… huh?!" Link started, "Where did _that_ come from?!"

The salesman, sat down in front of a huge piano, replied hurriedly, "H-Huh?! This? O-Oh, um, I… MAGIC! Now listen up!"

 _There's something very peculiar about that guy… because I know it's not me…_

"Please replay this tune withyour ocarina," The strange man said, and Link promptly sent his tubes out.

Tatl was already covering her ears.

As Link played the Song of Healing, everything went pitch black. Suddenly, he was back on that scene from the strange hole in Lost Woods. Mad Scrubs were all over him while an army of overused 9GAG memes circled around, all laughing at a very distraught Link.

Suddenly, however, the legendary Pokémon of fire, Entei, happened upon the scene and roared loudly, startling everyone in the room. The Mad Scrubs ran for their lives, and Entei went to follow them.

As for the 9GAG memes, they looked at each other, shrugged, and left for a blog or TV station willing to use them like it's still cool to joke about taking an arrow to the knee.

Link waved goodbye…

… And then a flash.

And a thump.

"Look at you… so–" The salesman started.

"Please don't compliment me," Link cut him off before he could say anything else, "I don't plan on losing my non-innuendo streak."

The boy, then, looked at his feet, only to see that, first of all, he was back to the young boy self he was until setting foot in Termina, and second…

"A Deku mask…" Tatl said, looking at a mask with the face of the Deku Link she was so used to see.

"Well, it seems you weren't talking crap after all", Link observated, looking at his mask. _So what happens if I put it o—_

Link put on the mask, only to have it glue to his face. His facial nerves started to convulse, and he felt weird.

"L-Link!" Tatl screamed at the same time that the boy let out a huge scream of pain. Then…

 _No. No. No. This isn't happening. No way. No. Fuck. No. Hell no._

"What the fuck is this?!" Link bellowed, "I'm a Deku again?!"

"Oh, you see," the salesman cut in, "This happens. You know, the mask contains the soul of the being you w—"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MUMBO-JUMBO," Link was now red at his wooden face, pointing and screaming, "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?! I OUGHTA PUT A BUBBLE IN YOUR ASS!"

"Please," the salesman's grin remained unchanged, as if he was enjoying Link's fury, "Just try taking it off."

"What the fucking hell do you mean 'take it off' you asshole?! Can't you see it's stuck to my f—" Link was yelling, but stopped after he put his hands into his face to simulate "taking off" the mask…

… And actually took it off. He felt a little dizzy, but when he came to, the mask was in his hands again.

"You sure are hotheaded, man," the Happy Mask guy whispered.

 _You try being changed into a Deku!_

"Link, this might come in handy, you know," Tatl stated, "You being able to use your sword and shield again is nice and all, but if we have your Deku counterpart at ready like this, we can use the Deku Flowers and avoid falling into water!"

"Hey, you're right!" Link said, now puffing his chest a bit, all proud of his achievement.

"Well, creep, we're off," Tatl said, referring to the only "creep" in the room.

"Believe in your strengths… believe…!" he replied, only to be ignored.

 _I hope I never see this guy again until I get my hands on that mask._

* * *

 **Day 1, Evening, Clock Town – South**

"Wow, it's dark already," Link observed.

"Yeah, I can't believe we spent the entire afternoon in there with that guy," Tatl replied.

"Um… let's not think too much about this."

"You're right," the fairy shuddered, then changed the subject, "So, we need a plan."

"Yes, we need a plan."

"Should we begin with the swamp? I mean, we're already near the South gate."

"Yeah, and if that guard tries to stop me, I'll just slice his unprotected legs off with my Hero's Sword!"

"You realize that's a serious offense, don't you?"

"Again with the law stuff? Just try to put me in the clink if you want! Last people who tried to jail me ended up giving me a certificate to cross their sacred desert."

"Um, what?"

"Nevermind," Link trailed off. "Wait a minute…"

"What?"

 _We went back in time, right? So everything is as it was before I got here… right…?_

"Tatl, come quickly", Link said, dashing away from the gate, "We're going to the North!"

"But Link! The swamp is… Link!" Tatl went after him.

* * *

 **Day 1, Evening, Clock Town – North**

Clocks were pointing close to midnight when Link, along with Tatl, snuck up next to the fidgety smiling man that would, a couple of minutes from then, steal an old lady's bag.

"You're sure that's going to happen?" the fairy asked, still a bit confused.

"We went back in time, so it's bound to," Link replied matter-of-factly.

This time not making his presence known, Link got up and readied himself when he saw the thief move from his position…

… To casually "bump" into the old lady and run off with her bag.

However, this time was different.

"HYAAAAAAAAAA!" Link yelled, running after the thief, who gasped loudly and tried to fake him out. Link went for it and the thief got past him, but, still with his back to the thief, Link wasn't going to let him go so easily. He spun in a complete circle, a blue wave coming out of his sword, and it reached the thief by a smidge. Due to the distance, the cut wasn't visible nor very painful, but it was enough to startle the thief, who dropped the bag and went running for dear life through the North gate to Termina Field.

 _Yeah! Steal that, you dirtbag! Um, speaking of bags…_

"W-What was…" Tatl barely could say a word after seeing Link in action, even more shocked because a while back he was a defenseless Deku who could barely use a flower.

The thing is, Link might not be the brightest bulb around, but he has natural and very good battle instincts. That's what made him Hero of Time – and also what made him let a power-hungry dark wizard into the Sacred Realm, turning Hyrule into a monster land for seven years, but that's a story for another day.

"You think I became Hero of Time through dumb luck?" Link cockily replied, "Three days as a Deku aren't enough to make me forget how to cut shit down."

"Well, if only you were as smart as you are in battle when you actually have to think..." Tatl replied, kind of muttering.

"Fuck you, Russian."

"What?!" Tatl made to bump against him again, only to hit her head against a very solid Hero's Shield.

 _Heh, things are going to change around here._

"Well, off to the swamp, hurry!" Link exclaimed, dashing away.

"DON'T RUSH ME!" Tatl, ironically, yelled at him.

* * *

 **Day 1, Midnight, Clock Town – South**

As our heroes went past the Clock Tower, past the Carnival Tower and were almost getting to the gate, Tatl stopped.

"Now what?!" Link said.

"I hear something…"

"Yeah, me too, the clock ticking away! Come on, let's—"

"Sssh!" Tatl hushed Link, and the two quietly opened their ears to, finally, hear a voice, along with a very faint melody, coming from the Laundry Pool…

"LLLLLLLADADADADADAAAAA…"

* * *

 **A/N:** Ohhhh yeah, now THAT's a cliffhanger, baby! You couldn't hang any more cliffs in this if you wanted to!

um, what

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! We've officially ended the prologue season, and Season 1 begins... now! All aboard the swamp train, people!


	9. Chapter 9: Mask Magnet

**A/N:** Guys I am SO sorry for the delay. But, you know, this and that.

Anyway, here's the new chapter. Hope you like it! As always, reviews are highly appreciated.

 **Disclaimer** : I think I don't own the Legend of Zelda series, but I'm not sure

* * *

Chapter 9: Mask Magnet

* * *

 **Day 1, Midnight, Laundry Pool**

Link and Tatl entered the Laundry Pool after hearing a very familiar cry coming from the place. The last time they were there, they were in a rush because of the Bombers' game; but now, with more time in their hands, they could take in the layout of the small area.

Down the small ramp that led to the place, right in front of them, was the pool where Link first learned about Dekus hopping on water - where they got the broken Great Fairy piece. The pool was surrounded by a small garden with a single tree, where Link and Tatl stood, and an equally small bridge to the other side of the pool, with a bell on the edge and a house to the far right.

Of course, it was hard to process all of this when someone is playing a music box right next to you.

"Once upon a time, I met some pets

Our nights were as real as it gets"

 _What's all this pet night talk…_

"Soon a group we formed, a society

Friends together sharing the same reality

But though in the food chain, men are top dogs

This time the leader was literally a dog!

Why the dog and not me?

Why am I not leader of this society?!"

 _This song is dangerously skinning through manifesto territory by the minute…_

"So I did it. What, you ask?

I stole the dog's mask!

But I am overcome with guilt

So here you are, it's yours to keep"

"W-What?" Link asked, after the man pushed onto him a mask of an eagle-like bird with very serious eyes.

"This is the Bremen Mask

It serves a simple task

Just put it on and play a melody

Your animal buddies will mature quickly"

"Your rhymes are getting lazier and lazier, old man," Tatl stated, unimpressed.

"Yeah, I agree. Maybe you should try something a bit more raw or something," Link concluded, but was thoroughly ignored by the man, his music box and happy smile face.

 _Fine, Bieber, do whatever you feel like._ "So, Tatl, what next?"

"Well, we WERE about to check out the swamp before you strayed off the path."

"Fine, let's bounce."

"Sure!" Tatl said, bouncing against Link's head and laughing.

 _I swear, one of these days I'm gonna…_

Night dragged on as the stars, like silent guardians, slowly patrolled around the dusky skies. Hellbent on solving their rather pesky predicament, our heroes finally set foot outside Clock Town, facing a bigger world, with bigger obstacles… and, hopefully, a big ass reward.

Link and Tatl got past the guard at the South Gate, who could do little but stare at Link's sword, recognizing him silently as a man of independent will and strength.

* * *

 **Day 1, Night – Termina Field**

And then, Termina.

As soon as they set foot outside, our legendary duo could see a vast grass field in front of them. Tall patches, stray logs and sporadic groups of trees decorated the southernmost area of Termina Field, and, from where he was standing, Link could also see the Observatory. He remembered when he was standing on the opposite side of that fence, gazing upon the field from the dome.

"Well, this certainly looks like a field," Tatl stated, breaking the silence.

"Gee, you think?"

"Be careful of those Blue Bubbles though," Tatl said, pointing towards the aforementioned creatures. Blue Bubbles were creatures that roamed around Termina Field at night. They were composed by a cranium of some sort of dragon-like creature and a blue flame enveloping them. "One touch from those and you're jinxed."

"Jinxed?" _As in turning into a Deku for three whole days?_

"Yep. I dunno what'll happen, but you'll be jinxed."

"Well, what—" Link cut Tatl off and turned forward to step, only to bang his head against a Blue Bubble that spotted him.

"FUCK! RUN!" Link screamed, doing backflips to put some distance between him and the creature, who promptly chased after him.

 _Ok, now I've got you, small punk. Have a taste of this blad—_

The Bubble hit again.

"Link! What the hell's wrong with you?! Just slash it up!" Tatl screamed from behind.

"I… I can't! My sword…" Link managed to say.

"Your sword what?!"

"I can't draw it!" Link screamed, jumping to the side to avoid another tackle from the Bubble.

"What do you m—OH!" Suddenly, a thought hit Tatl, "Link! You're jinxed!"

"Oh unholy son of a…" Another tackle, another dodge.

 _I can't keep running in circles like this! Don't suppose I have any other weapons though…_

Link and the Bubble were engaged in a chase, with Tatl agitatedly shuffling around. As the Hylian boy rolled and jumped around, he racked his brain for any possible means of hitting the floating menace after him.

 _Maybe if I just run like hell it'll get tired of chasing after me…!_

And this he did. Link started rolling and running to his left – also left from the gate – and putting more and more distance between him and the Bubble.

Soon enough, the monster strayed off and went back to its business, leaving a wheezing Link to himself… and a very amused fairy.

"Hahahahahahaha, what a chicken! That's the Hero of Time for you, huh?!"

"Grrrrrrr… you stupid-!"

"What? Gonna draw your sword? Oh! You can't! Hahahaha!"

"…" _I'm jinxed alright. This yellow thing is my eternal jinx._

Link looked down at his feet, only to notice something strange.

"Wait. There's snow beneath me." He looked around, and noticed that he wasn't at the forest anymore; rather, he was on top of a ledge, a snowy ledge, facing a snow mountain and a very snowy wasteland down below, decorated by tall "mushroom-like" rocky platforms.

"Huh. You don't say." Tatl stated, and floated a bit higher to get a clear view of the area.

"This is one weird place," Link said, looking around.

"Link," Tatl floated down, "It seems this place is divided in four halves, one for each of the sectors I told you about. The halves are sort of 'themed' by their section."

"You mean this is the Mountain half of Termina Field?"

"Yes. Right over there is the North Clock Town gate. In your hurry, you left the swamp half and passed through the Canyon half as well, which would stand for the East portion."

"But is this even geographically possible?"

"Well we ARE in an alternate dimension."

 _I-It's not that simple!_

Their interesting chat was, however, interrupted. A sad melody took over their ears, and, startled, both of them looked towards the source of the sound.

On top of one of the mushroom-rock-platforms, almost near the ledge, stood a pure white figure, dancing to the sad, weeping tune.

 _What in the name of…_

Link and Tatl moved towards the figure, Link making a jump for it.

"Excuse m—"

" **I HAVE DIED"**

"WHOA!" Link stumbled backwards, startled by the baritone voice coming from the figure. _This guy sounds like an opera tenor! Where's all this voice coming from?_

" **OH MOON I HAVE FUCKING DIED"**

"WE GET THE PICTURE!" Tatl yelled back, but to no avail.

" **I JUST WANTED TO DANCE BUTT-NAKED FOR PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD"**

 _N-Not only he's loud, he's also profane…_

" **CAN SOMEBODY HEAL MY SORROWS"**

 _Heal my ears first!_

" **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"** The figure started to cry and wail, much to our heroes' dismay.

"TATL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!"

"I'LL PLAY THE SONG OF HEALING!"

"WHY?"

"WELL HE DID SAY HE NEEDED HEALING!"

"B-BUT…!"

"OR AT LEAST HE'LL GET DISTRACTED AND SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Amidst all the wailing and crying, Link whipped his ocarina out and blew on the instrument as hard as he could, but the notes still went unnoticed amongst the uproar.

"THAT DIDN'T GO SO WELL!" Tatl yelled, then noticed Link reaching for something… "LINK…?"

Before she could finish, Link put on the Deku Mask and sent out his Deku Pipes as quickly as he could. Putting a lot of effort this time, the instrument barely matched the volume of the baritone voice, but it seemed to work anyway. For a few moments, the figure stopped, enveloped in a trance, and then… Gone.

A blank mask with the figure's face on top of it fell to the floor, and Link could hear a very acute voice whispering…

"…Thank you. Teach my dance to the world… this is the Kamaro Mask…"

"… I need a vacation," Link muttered under his breath, reaching for the mask.

He then thought to put it on, which proved to be a bad idea. As soon as the mask touched his face, it fitted itself and Link started dancing, as if his body had a will of its own.

 _W-What's going on?!_

Tatl couldn't even say anything, her laughter echoing around.

 _How is… what… I… m-my body…!_

Swirling, spinning, tiptoeing and moving around in a ballet fashion, Link tried anything in his power to make the madness stop, but to no avail; even though his mind screamed for freedom, his muscles all followed one command: to dance.

"That's what he meant by 'spreading' huh?!" Tatl managed to say, between laughs.

"Can you pl—" Link said, only to shut his lips together after realizing his voice was incredibly high-pitched.

Tatl dropped to the floor, almost fainting from the full-course meal of laughter she just had, while Link danced madly about with his possessed body and forcefully shut lips.

"How am I supposed to get out of this funk?!" Link said in his "unique" voice.

"This 'funk'! Ahahahahaha! Oh god… here, let me," Tatl said, floating towards him and pressing herself against the edge of the mask, decorated by Kamaro's face. Eventually, she pushed the mask off, and Link fell to the floor, tired and relieved at the same time.

"For crying out loud, every mask I find leaves me worse than the previous," he complained, "At this rate I'll be dead within the next few days."

"Well we only have three, you know."

"True enough. So, shall we backtrack to the swamp?"

"Actually, I was wondering," Tatl started, "Since we're already right in front of the North gate and all, maybe we could talk to the Great Fairy? Maybe she has some advice…"

"We already helped her once", Link argued, "It's highly unlikely that she'll have anything more useful for us. Besides, we reset time, right? She'd have to be shattered again."

"It's not like you don't know where the piece is…"

"Um, true."

"So let's go!"

"Oh bother… okay, okay…" _Always the bossy one…_

* * *

 **Day 1, Night, Clock Town – North**

Our heroes entered Clock Town once again, as night was reaching its final moments and the morning of the next day came crawling.

"Alright, so the part was in the Laundry Pool, right?" Link asked.

"Good memory. Floating above the pool," Tatl replied.

"Okay, let's get a move on then."

* * *

 **Day 1, Night, Laundry Pool**

Link and Tatl walked down the ramp leading to the Laundry Pool, ignoring completely the music box man, and the Hylian boy ran towards the actual pool, hoping to find the broken piece of the Great Fairy…

… Only to be faced with a "fairy-less" body of water.

"WHAT?!" he screamed, startling the old man to the point of almost dropping his box.

"The piece's not there!"

 _Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me…_ "Now what?!"

"Um… Let's split up and see who finds it first!"

"What do you think this is, Scooby-Doo?! Do you even know if it's still in town?"

"Link, just do it! Head East and I'll head West, we've been already to North and South and didn't find it!"

"Man oh man…" Link muttered, angry, "I told you not to come back to town…"

* * *

 **Day 1, Damn near morning, Clock Town – East**

Link reached East Clock Town covering his ears due to the Clock Tower's bell loudly announcing the incoming morning.

 _Every kind of clock seems out to get me… Huh?_

Looking forward, towards the Stock Pot Inn outside, right next to the veranda…

… The fairy piece.

 _Hey! There you are!_

Link paced towards the floating fairy, only to realize it was too high to reach. Fortunately, there was a Deku Plant nearby, and Link promptly put his Deku Mask on, burrowing underground and launching himself towards the sky as he did so many times before.

He reached for the fairy, carefully gliding towards his goal, and then, as he was about to gather his prize…

* * *

 **Day 2, Morning, Clock Town – East**

… The fairy was gone.

"…"

Link carefully landed on the Stock Pot Inn veranda, and, still stoic and in a first-class denial, he walked towards the edge, looking down to the floor.

… _It's too bad that I'm so close to the ground, otherwise I'd just jump…_

"HEY!" a voice rang, and Link jerked his head to the side to see Tatl beside him.

"Huh?"

"Did you find it? And what's with the Deku Mask?"

"Yes, I did find it, the Deku Mask was to reach the fairy, which was floating in midair."

"Oh!" Tatl beamed, "So let's just br—"

"The fairy vanished."

"W-What do you mean vanished?! She just disappeared?"

"Yeah, and right in front of my face too."

"… Boy you really are something else with this bad luck of yours."

 _Tell me about it._

"Well, let's go to Termina Field. I have a feeling we won't be reassembling fairies today…"

"Yeah, you're probably right," Link said, removing the Deku Mask and standing up, only to realize something, "…Hey. My wallet."

"Your wallet?"

"Yeah, my Rupee wallet. I think I dropped it somewhere…" _Not that I had that many Rupees to be so worried about losing it…_

"Let's retrace your steps then, see if we find it."

"Sure. But hey," a thought hit Link, and he said, "We've wasted enough time already, maybe we should take our time and then reset again before going to the swamp."

"You mean back to the first day?"

"Yeah, when else? The first Thanksgiving?"

"Dude, chill, are you PMSing or something? Let's go."

 _Like you're one to talk!_

* * *

 **Day 2, Morning, Laundry Pool**

As soon as they reached the Laundry Pool, both looking very glum and slowly walking in a depressed manner, Link and Tatl realized that the music box man wasn't there anymore.

 _Probably got complaints and went back to his room… I mean, we did find him there at the last day._

"L-LINK!" Tatl screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! What the fuck, Tatl?!"

"L-Look over there…!"

"What are you t—" Link stopped mid-sentence, then looked forward to see…

... The fairy piece, right where he found it the very first time.

"…"

 _I'm not going. This is another prank._

"What are you waiting for, Link?! Go get it!"

"…"

"Link!"

"…"

"Okay, okay, I'll fetch you 40 Rupees, now go for it, goddamnit!"

"… Okay." _I wasn't even thinking and it still worked._

Link put his Deku Mask on, hopped across the pool and got the piece, just like old times. Tatl found his wallet next to the tree and gave it back to him – with 40 Rupees inside – and they went back to the North, hoping to finally put this miserable task aside.

* * *

 **Day 2, Morning, Great Fairy's Shrine**

The reassembled Great Fairy stared at our heroes.

"Well, well… so you are the one who brought me back to my original form, hmm?"

"Yup," Link replied, way more relaxed than the first time.

"I have to say, it's been a while since I last saw a Hylian", she said, noticing Link's pointy ears, trademarks of the Hylian race, "It's quite refreshing."

 _Is she hitting on me?_ "Um, Great Fairy? I was wondering… we know about the Skull Kid and how he… shattered… you."

"Oh, that was quite unfortunate."

"We're on his trail, and we're about to go south for the swamp. Do you have anything to help us? Anything, really."

"Oh, I'm afraid I don't think I have. I could give you the Great Fairy Mask, though, just as a "thank you" gift."

"Um… what does it do?" Tatl asked.

"I do not know," The Great Fairy replied, "But please accept it."

She, then, materialized a mask with her face (shocker!) and gave it to Link.

 _Another fucking mask! What's with all the masks?!_

"Oh, you seem weary. Allow me to fix that…" The Great Fairy said, enveloping Link and Tatl in a magical veil, giving energy back to them. "Now… be careful out there. The swamp is a very dangerous place by nature, and now that such a thing has happened to it, I fear…"

"'Such a thing'?" Tatl interrupted.

"Oh, didn't you hear? The Woodfall region, which encompasses the swamp, has been cursed."

"As in…?" Link asked.

"I'm afraid I do not have the details, but the temple has been taken by a monster, it seems."

"Oh, great." _As if we didn't have enough on our hands._

"Thanks, Great Fairy. We'll be careful, I promise!" Tatl happily exclaimed.

 _It's like mother and daughter…_

"I have faith in you two. You possess an aura of… courage… and a powerful spirit."

And with that, she left two freshly renewed heroes behind, leaving the shrine with their chests puffed.

Outside, Link took the Ocarina of Time and played the Song of Time.

"Tomorrow" was swamp day.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yeah, the whole Stray Fairy thing is going to be pointless since I played the Abridged Card too early and Link already knows magic, so the Great Fairy Mask kinda stays off to the side on this one. I considered scrapping it altogether, but when you're writing about a game that's 100% about masks, maybe that's not such a good idea after all.


	10. Chapter 10: Monkey Business

**A/N:** It's been a little difficult to keep up with this while I'm swamped (no pun intended) in work and college stuff, but hey, here's to another chapter - and finally, plot advancement!

 **Disclaimer** : You know, the other day I was wondering, what if I actually owned the Legend of Zelda series? Would I go around saying "Hey, mate, how are you doing? Oh by the way, I own the Legend of Zelda series and all copyright material"?

* * *

Chapter 10: Monkey Business

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Clock Town – South**

The day started fresh again for Link and Tatl, who had finally resolved all the pesky sidetasks that were keeping them from what really was their main goal for now – reaching the swamp.

"So, as far as I can see on the map," Link stated, looking at a map they got from the Trading Post in West Clock Town, "if we go south from here we'll pass through a 'Milk Way'… and there's also another path that leads to a 'Southern Swamp'."

"Yep", Tatl agreed, "That's probably where we have to go."

"That's as far as the map goes, but it says 'Woodfall Region', so it's probably got more territory."

"And there's the temple, too – I hear it's called 'Woodfall Temple'."

 _Shocker!_ "So, let's roll. And smart up, because I don't feel like being jinxed again."

"Yeah, I sure hope you don't…"

As they kept on talking, Link put his sword out in full view, so that the annoying guard wouldn't get in his way when they came through the south gate.

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Termina Field**

Termina Field was even more of a view when the sun shone upon the ground. The leaves of the trees and the grass around the South section looked even greener in accordance to the full blue sky above them.

As Link walked towards the path to the swamp, he noticed that there were no Blue Bubbles in sight – maybe they only came out at night? As he was wondering, however, he didn't pay attention to his surroundings, and because of that…

"OW!" _What the—_

Snapping his sight up front, he saw a red blob – which had tackled him, he guessed – with a very weird smile hopping towards him.

"That's a Red Chuchu," Tatl reported, "It's no more than a living slosh of water, so you should just hack away. It'll probably drop some curatives for you."

"And you wait until I bump into the damn thing to tell me?!" Link exclaimed, angry, then cut the blob in half and picked up some health.

"There are some green ones too, if you look around," she continued, "And those recover some of your magic energy".

"Huh, you'd think we're at some sort of videogame quest." … W _hat is this ominous feeling?_

After dangerously interfering with the universe itself, Link made for the path he saw on the map. The field "ended" on a horizontal wall of trees that stretched through the entire edge of the section, as if it were some sort of indicator that you were about to leave the main field and enter Woodfall. Very near the entrance to Woodfall, a big tree stood aside from the wall, and at the foot of said tree…

"Ah!" Tatl exclaimed.

"Will you stop screaming suddenly already?!" Link yelped, startled, "Every fucking time you find something you give me a heart attack!"

"This is…" she trailed off, and Link noticed a drawing on the tree, made from scratching on its wooden surface. It looked very much like someone he'd already met.

"The Skull Kid…" he murmured, "… And… two fairies?"

"Yes… me and Tael."

"Tatl? You made this?"

"Well, not me, but I was there when the Skull Kid made it…"

"Huh, so you _have_ been here before…"

"Yes. We found him one day… It was raining, and he was all alone under that log…" Tatl said, gazing upon a huge fallen treelog at the field that doubled as a tunnel of sorts, "He was all alone and me and Tael were freezing, so we joined him and… we ended up becoming friends."

"Oh wow. But why did he beat Tael up on the Clock Tower like that then? Weren't you friends?"

"That was before that bleak day…"

"Bleak?"

"… The Skull Kid was always a big prankster," Tatl started. "That's why he ended up alone like that. No one found the patience to stick with a guy that liked so much to play tricks on them."

 _Well, I'd be a little pissed off too, but…_ "… But that's not all, is it?"

"Yes. One day, we found that mask salesman creep out here and he stole that mask from him… The Majora's M–"

"Wait, wait wait wait WAIT. So you have been here before _and_ you've met that freak before as well?!" Link interrupted, eyes wide, "How many things do you plan on keeping from me, Tatl?!"

"I-I'm sorry, Link! I didn't 'meet' him, I just m-made the connection!" she replied.

 _That was a very quick apology. I'm not convinced._

"A-Anyway…" Tatl carried on, "He stole that mask, put it on… and then… he changed. And then we met you…"

"Alright, alright. So he was acting crazy because of the mask's influence. I guessed as much…"

"But was he really…?" Tatl muttered, while Link stepped ahead towards Woodfall.

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Swamp Path**

The path looked simple enough. The "wall of trees" was more of a "line", because as soon as they crossed it, it's like he was still at Termina Field. Looking forward, Link could see that the path split in two, one to the left and the other straight ahead. At the very center of the split, a single tree towered upon our heroes, who stopped under its shadow to consider the next step.

"Well, we have two choices here." Tatl stated matter-of-factly, examining her surroundings.

"I—hold on a sec," Link said, slashing away at a bat that swooped upon him. As he finished, he found Tatl to be rather astounded. "… What? I'm just tired of having creatures bump into me."

"Y-You're really as good as they say, huh…"

 _Hero of Time, baby._ "Well, now that this Keesse is out of the way…"

"Link, it wasn't a Keesse. It was a Bad Bat."

"… What's the difference? You need to stop judging things based on narrow-minded assumptions, Tatl!"

"… Why am I getting this ominous feeling of repetition?"

"Anyway, which direction we'll take? I vote for straight ahead."

"And what led you to such a bold conclusion, genius?"

"Ha! You don't know how sound my logic can be."

"Oh? By all means, explain away."

"Hold on," Link cut another bat down, "Right. So, I figure: left is left, right?" He said, pausing and waiting for a very confused Tatl to say something.

"Go on…" she said.

"So, if left is left, whatever remains must be right! And right is right… right?"

"…"

 _I mean, I'm not THAT superstitious, but-_

Link looked up to realize Tatl had already floated on her own to the left path.

"H-Hey! What gives?" He shouted, running after her.

"I can't listen to you. You're obviously mad."

"What? What do you mean? Are you defying my carefully planned reasoning?!"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

Before the exchange could escalate to higher levels of dissonance, Link and Tatl stopped on their tracks to see that the path came to a dead end with a house. At the door, a sign: "Archery Range – Gone for lunch, be back soon".

"Huh, archery. Sure brings back some memories…"

"You know how to use a bow and arrow, too?!"

"Damn right I know," Link replied, puffing his chest, "I just wish I had my bow with me now…"

"Well, we could always make you one, there's plenty of wood around."

"What?! And hurt the poor trees?! How very selfish of you!"

"… Let's go the other way, Hero of Time…" Tatl said, defeated.

They got to the tree and, this time, kept going straight, opposite from the entrance. There wasn't much to look at, as the rest of the way was very much like Termina Field itself. They passed through a couple of bushes, then a little hill… and then…

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Southern Swamp**

… The swamp.

At long last, our heroes reached their destination. The swamp area was pretty big by itself, though as far as Link could see, it was a very closed-off area as well. A few feet away from them, the swamp itself, with a large boathouse in the middle, a path to the left and a cave straight ahead, much like the path they just went through.

But something caught Tatl's eye.

"Link, look at the swamp…"

"... It's… purple?" Link said, confused. The water was, indeed, colored purple, and as he drew closer, he noticed that it emitted a very foul stench as well.

 _T-This smell…_ "Tatl! It's poison!"

"P-Poison?!"

"Yeah, the swamp is poisoned!" _Is that the curse the Great Fairy mentioned?_

It was. Woodfall had fallen prey to a curse, a curse unleashed on it by the "monster" who took control of the region. Legend says that whatever lies within the temple has its aura reflected on the waters of the swamp, and if that were true, Link was about to face a very angry and ferocious soul.

"I guess we have to get to the temple," Link pondered, "The 'one who is there' Tael mentioned is probably the monster who raided it."

"I see some lilypads lined up to the left path…" Tatl said, looking towards said direction.

"Let's do this, then."

"L-Link?"

A scream, and Deku Link was standing right in front of the yellow fairy. "Link, what are you doing?"

"What do you think? I'm going to hop from lilypad to lilypad."

"The water's poisonous!"

"Hey, I'm a Deku! I'm… you know… from the forest! And poison's not very effective against grass in Pokémon!" Link shouted, jumping towards the swamp.

"It's the other way around, stupid! Grass types aren't good ag—LINK!" Tatl screamed, but to no avail. Link was already touching the water…

… And hopping with no signs of pain.

A speechless Tatl stood still for a couple of seconds, then dashed to catch up with the Deku.

Halfway through the small string of lilypads, Link saw a corridor with two steaming pots at each side of the entrance; the, well, steam coming out quite clearly, as if to indicate someone that something related to those pots was just beyond the corridor.

"Hey Tatl," he called out, "You see this?"

"What's that? A corridor… with pots?" Tatl pondered.

 _Aren't we deserving of the Master of the Obvious title today…_

"Should we check it out?" Tatl asked.

"Well, why not, right? No stone unturned."

And so they did. However, as soon as they stepped in between the rocky walls of the pathway…

"Whoa!" Link yelled, stopping on his tracks. Out from an innocent-looking bush, out came a small toothless carnivore plant, drooling venom from its mouth, reaching for Link but stopping after reaching its extension limit.

"It's a Deku Baba!" Tatl said, alarmed. But Link didn't even remove the Deku Mask; a spin attack and the monster was paralyzed, standing upward… and another spin attack split the thing in half, leaving behind a Deku Stick that used to be part of its body.

"Don't talk about Deku Babas like they're dangerous," Link smugly said, "Those fuckers were, like, the easiest things to beat ever back in Kokiri Forest. We used to cut 'em all the time to gather wood."

"Oh, I… didn't know."

"Well, whatever. Let's go."

Link removed his mask and started walking towards the end of the path, cutting down a couple of Deku Babas up along the way, same way he did earlier. When they reached their destination, they found it to be another dead end. A shallow pool of water (and it really looked like water this time) lay at the centre, with a tall support tower and a weird, red, cauldron-shaped house at the very top, smoke emanating from the chimney. Behind the house, a small waterfall and a couple of feet away, an entrance to some woods… an entrance very similar to the ones at Lost Woods.

"What's with the house?" Tatl asked.

"Don't ask me," Link replied, "All I know is that this kind of stuff can't be good to the ozone layer…"

"Since when do you worry about stuff like that?"

"Touché," Link conceded, and then stopped to look at the the entrance to the woods. … _What's going on? This is all too familiar to the treelogs back in Lost Woods…_

"Hey," Tatl asked, and Link winced with the word she used and the way she said it, but shook it off and looked at her, "This sign here says 'To Woods of Mystery'."

"Probably the one over there. Shall we?"

"Lead the way, grass-boy."

"Oh, and Tatl?"

"Yes?"

"Poison is really super-effective against grass," Link said, squeezing his boots.

"I knew it!"

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Woods of Mystery**

The rustling of grass as Link stepped into the woods sounded very familiar; after all, being a boy from the forest, he was practically home. And, well, the place did look a lot like his Lost Woods. He was surrounded by trees in a perfect circle, with four "fallen log tunnels" at each cardinal direction – one being, of course, the entrance he came from.

"This sure looks like the Lost Woods, huh…" Tatl stated the obvious while scanning her surroundings.

"Which probably means it's gonna be that all over again."

"Huh?"

"You know," Link explained, "Three exits are wrong and will take you to the beginning, and one is right."

"Oh. So we're gonna do the old trial and error routine?"

"Prob—"

Link barely took two steps forward when he was surprised by a white monkey. The monkey was very small and looked friendly, quietly "ook"-ing as it hopped from side to side.

Link took his sword out.

 _Just try to "ook" your way out of this blade, you little Mankey wannabe!_

He dashed…

"W-Wait!" The monkey shouted, and Link came to a halt with the sword midair, a few inches away from its forehead.

"W-What? You speak?"

"A-As a matter of fact, I am capable of conversing with human beings, good sir!" It hurriedly stated, "Please, do not bring pain upon my natural features…"

"Um, fine," Link said, putting the sword away.

"Who are you?" Tatl asked.

"My lady! I am but a mere primitive specimen which drifted away from yours in the vast sea that is evolution..."

"… By which you mean you're a monkey."

"That would be the correct way to put it, yes," The monkey said, "I descend upon thee with a most noble task in mind!"

"Which is…?" Link asked, confused.

"… Kindly chase after my being!" The monkey said after a pause, then dashed for the log east from them.

"W-Wait!" Tatl and Link yelled in unison, following him into another area much like the one they just left, which meant that it was a maze. The monkey was very fast and kept faking them out for some reason, which almost landed our heroes back in the beginning a couple of times. At a couple of occasions, Link found himself having to dodge enemies: the area was inhabited by Snappers, heavy turtles who, when in retreat under their shells, could spin out at foes with spikes protracting from the shell. Needless to say, Link had a bit of a rough time dodging them _and_ keeping up with the monkey at the same time.

 _Will you stop Usain Bolting me for a minute?! My legs are about to give up!_

Taking a sharp left, the monkey stopped at the next section, along with Link and Tatl. Three other monkeys took notice of them, and all monkeys scattered around and left the woods, leaving behind what looked like a person… collapsed.

 _What the hell is this all about? I'm getting involved in some serious monkey business here…_

"I know that face, you thought of a corny joke didn't you?!" Tatl asked.

"What? Of course not, I… AHHHHH!" Link stopped mid-sentence and yelled, after looking forward and realizing _who_ exactly was fallen in front of him.

"O-Ow! Help me!" The fallen person said.

 _I-It's… !_

* * *

 **A/N** : Before anyone reminds me that, in the game, the swamp's only poisoned beyond a certain point, I'll just say "ABRIDGED!" and let the magic do the rest. Thanks for reading, guys and gals!


	11. Chapter 11: Ang(st)er Management

**A/N:** And here we go again after another not-so-cliffhanger! Since time's been keeping me away from actually re-studying the facts of the game (which I've beaten more than a dozen times, so don't worry too much), the Abridged Card is going to see a lot more use from now on. Anyway, as always, review and enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Nintendo, except for maybe Zelda. She belongs to me. ME

… Actually, no. She belongs to Nintendo too. *sigh*

* * *

Chapter 11: Ang(st)er Management

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Woods of Mystery**

"O-Ow!"

 _I-It can't be… I thought I had… you… n-no…_

"Link, what the hell are you staring at?! Why don't you help?" Tatl said, floating around Link's face.

"Tatl, do you have any idea who that is?!" Link replied, pointing at the fallen person.

"Nope."

"That's Koume, the evil witch!" Link said, and, right on cue, Koume lifted her head weakly. Her gray-ish skin now appearing, Tatl looked startled after taking in the old hag's figures. Long-nosed, wide-eyed and very, very short, with white hair springing upward from her head, Koume did look like a witch – but not the kind that would make the Hero of Time act so jumpy. No, Koume was but one half of the mighty spellcaster Twinrova. Her twin sister, Kotake, was the other half. Each of them fought Link in the past, Koume with her fire magic and Kotake with her icy spells, and, when cornered, fused together into Twinrova, which proved to be a challenge and a half for our very own Link back in his heroic days.

Of course, now, she was lying down in the middle of the woods, and Link's just recovered from being trapped in a Deku body for three straight days, so, y'know.

"Who are you calling 'witch', you rascal?! Show your elders some respect!" She answered.

"Didn't I banish you and your stupid oldbag of a sister to the Hell you should've never come back from?!" Link demanded, eyes narrowed.

"… Who are you?!" Koume said.

What Link didn't know was that none of that description I just gave you above mattered. Link _was_ in Termina after all. So THIS Koume was but an alternate-dimension one. Which, as a matter of fact, had no contact whatsoever with Link… aside from this one.

"What do you mean 'who I am' you crazy bitch?! Have you forgotten the nuisance you two were to me?!"

"L-Link! That's no way to talk to an…" Tatl trailed off, unsure if she should butt in like that when two old, bitter enemies were facing off.

"Bah! I don't know what you're talking about! An old, helpless lady like myself in need of help and all I get is a noisy brat like you! Why back in the day, when t—"

"You know what?! I should've pierced your pretty little diamond the moment I saw you," Link said, using his sword to point the small red accessory on the middle of her hair, "But I'll just leave you to rot in here!"

Link finished speaking, kicked the lady on her side and left the woods steaming.

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Southern Swamp**

"Fuck this!" Link said, kicking the grass to let some steam out.

"Link!" Tatl came to him from the woods, "What the hell got into you?!"

"I never agreed to this! I don't want to put up with this kind of stuff!" Link screamed, madly waving his arms around, "I was just supposed to get my horse back and suddenly TEMPLES! CURSES! WITCHES! What's next?! King Dodongo?! Dead Hand?! Volvagia?! Have them bring Ganon back too, just don't forget I'm not a fucking grown-up anym—"

A bump in the head and Link stopped talking.

"Look," Tatl started, taking a deep breath, "Link, no one's actually asking any of this from you. You don't even know if she's really this Koume or n—"

"Do you honestly think I'd forget her face?!" he cut in.

"I dunno, you're the kind of guy who thinks poison is bad against grass in Pokémon… And besides," she said before he could object, "Have you forgotten? We're in Termina. The only ones who know who 'Link' is are me, Tael, the Skull Kid and the salesman. This is an _alternate dimension_."

"I know, but…"

"You must have suffered a lot from having your childhood and adulthood mixed up like that, and I understand your traumas, but you _are_ the Hero of Time and your goddamn fate is to save this world from total destruction, like it or not!"

Tatl and Link spent a few moments staring at each other, but those moments felt like centuries to them. The wind blew east, and through his fluttering hair, Link saw the fairy that had been such an asshole to him ever since he first met her; she helped the Skull Kid steal his horse, prevented him from chasing after said kid and only partnered up with him because she got locked out as well. She knocked him in his Deku head several times when he was cursed, bossed him around and more than often had a good laugh at his misfortunes. Not satisfied, she also lied to him twice and hid things from him constantly. Yet, here she was, having the _nerve_ to tell him what to do and talk about his past like this.

But, for whatever reason, no matter how angry he got at her, he always resigned himself to be with her. Something bound him to stick with this nuisance of a fairy. Was it because she had first-hand information on the Skull Kid, Epona and Termina? Or was it something more?

Was it because of… her?

 _Navi…_

He never realized it, but Tatl was just like Navi – if not a tad dirtier and meaner – always twinkling at every little thing, "hey"-ing him to check stuff around him, keeping him from slacking off.

 _Maybe it's a fairy thing to be so goddamn annoying and impossible to get rid of…_

"… I need a drink." Link finally said, breaking the silence and turning his back to Tatl, walking toward the long stairs leading to the cauldron-shaped house up high.

"Uh oh…" Tatl said, tagging along, but feeling a little lighter after realizing her words had, at the very least, dissipated his anger and transformed it into mild annoyance as always.

After all, she had to look out for him.

* * *

 **Day 1, Near sunset, Magic Potion Shop**

The sign on the door read "Magic Potion Shop", so Link already raised his eyebrows in mild surprise, but he barged in anyway, fixing for a Blue Potion.

The inside of the shop was as standard as you'd find; wooden floor, sturdy walls, a couple of strewn boxes and barrels, and the desk at the end of the room. Nobody was to be seen, but Link figured he'd just knock on the desk.

"Yes?" a sweet female voice answered from behind a small door at the back.

"Um, excuse me," Link said, looking at the drinks displayed on the desk, "I'd like a Blue Potion, please."

"Oh, that's unfortunate," the voice answered, "I ran out of mushrooms, you see. I can't make Blue Potions without some…"

"What? But I see one right here…"

"That's just a toy replica for display."

"Oh." _Can't I at least have a drink in this hellhole of a dimension…?_

"I asked Koume to fetch some at the woods," the voice continued, and the door opened, "But she is taking her sweet time…"

By the time that sentence was finished, Link had already stopped paying attention. His jaw was, metaphorically, on the floor as he stared, dumbstruck, at who exactly was running this "Potion Shop".

Kotake, the other half of Twinrova and Koume's twin sister, was standing behind the desk, a smile on her face, her blue head jewel shining against the light of the setting sun coming through the window.

"Hmm?" Kotake said, "Is something wrong?"

But Link didn't answer. He just stood there, open mouth, heavy stare and uneven breathing.

 _F-First the woods, n-now…_

"ARGH!"

Losing it, Link turned and hastily walked away and out the door, slamming it behind him with unnecessary force.

"W-What is with this young man?!" Kotake asked.

"He's having a bad day", Tatl replied, "By the way, Koume was at the woods…"

"Oh, that rascal! Bet she's procrastinating! I swear, leaving youngsters to do things…"

"Aren't you twins?!"

"W-Why, I…"

"Nevermind, look," Tatl continued, in a hurry, fearing Link might do something stupid, "She's been attacked. She was lying on the floor and asking for help."

"…"

"W-What?"

"…"

"… Um…?" Tatl asked, coming closer, but a loud shriek from the lady made her flinch and fly a mile back in shock.

"S-She is in trouble?! Please, you have to help her! Bring this to her!" Kotake said, gathering a bottle full of Red Potion and handing it over to Tatl.

"T-This is heavy!" She said, doing her best to float out the shop without letting the bottle fall straight on the floor.

* * *

 **Day 1, Sunset, Woods of Mystery**

Tatl tried looking for Link anywhere near that portion of the swamp, but didn't find him. Still firmly grasping the bottle, she made to the Woods of Mystery, vowing that she'd go after him as soon as she was done with Koume.

"Alas!" The monkey emerged from above, startling Tatl to the point of almost dropping the Red Potion, "M-My apologies, m'lady! It was not my intention to consternate your being!"

"What are you doing he—nevermind, can you lend me a hand? This is heavy and I have to hand it to the witch!"

"You mean that poor, troubled spellcaster who is unfortunately lying upon her painf—"

"YES!" she yelled impatiently, "Take the bottle with her, I'll be right behind you!"

"…"

"…Yes?"

"… Kindly chase after my being!" The monkey said, dashing off.

"D-Do you always have to... waaaaait!" Tatl screamed, flying after him.

By the time they got to the back of the woods, the sky was almost dark. Koume was still at the same position, moaning loudly, when Tatl and the monkey got to her.

"O-Ow!" She said, maybe a little too forcefully as if calling for attention, but instantly scowled when she lifted her head, "Hey, it's you…!"

"First of all, sorry about my partner's behavior. He's had a bad day," Tatl stated, staring her in the eye to ensure her honesty, then added, "To say the least."

"Hm… You don't seem like a bad person," Koume added.

"I'm a fairy, after all," Tatl joked, receiving a weak laugh from the pained witch. "Now, I have something for you," she said, gesturing towards the monkey, "Monkey?"

"Ah, perhaps you mean this item here?" he said, holding the bottle.

"Of course," Tatl said, doing her best to hold the sarcasm back.

"Very well!" The monkey said, lifting the bottle…

… And drinking it all afterwards. Not a single drop remaining.

All three of them stared at the bottle.

Silence.

Deep silence.

"WHAT IS _WRONG_ WITH YOU?!" Tatl yelled.

"M-My lady, I do not know why I did this! It most certainly was not within my desire to drink it! I just… drank it! 'Twas automatic, I tell you!" The monkey replied, trembling.

"COULD YOU BE ANY MORE STUPID, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE?!"

"O-Ow…" was all Koume could say.

* * *

 **Day 1, Night, Southern Swamp**

Away from all the fiasco at the Woods, and continuing through the string of lilypads from before, Deku Link stood at a dead end in the swamp. The path ultimately led to an open part of the swamp with a waterfall on the back, some logs, more lilypads and a cave at the end… with something on the way.

Link had gotten too close to that cave, distracted by his angry, hazy state. From beneath the poisoned waters, out came a giant, round, purple creature with dark, hollow eyes and a vacuum sucker for a mouth, which promptly trapped Link, who was then tossed away to the nearest log where he now sulked.

 _It's been a while since I saw a Big Octo. I could finish him off easily if I had some solid ground to stand on, but he's surrounded by poisoned water and cave walls and I can't face him like this without the Deku Mask._

Link was sat at the log, thinking about a way of off-ing the Octo, but realized it was of no use. His only weapons were Deku Nuts (too ridiculous to be even taken in consideration), magic bubbles (which had already proven to be rather ineffective against watery foes) and his spin attack, which would be useless because he couldn't get around the Octo due to the cave walls.

 _Argh, screw this. I need to jack off anyway. Probably gonna find a corner in those woods and settle myself…_

Visibly defeated, Link hopped along the lilypad string and turned for the woods, cutting up some Deku Babas along the way for some sticks and nuts.

 _Innuendos everywhere…_

He barely registered the pond and the Potion Shop, just sluggishly moving towards the Woods of Mystery, his mind in a total blank…

… When something hit his head.

"Ow! What the— Tatl?!" Link said, after realizing _who_ had bumped him in the head (again).

"Link! I'm glad I found you!" Tatl said, visibly exhausted and flustered.

"Nevermind me, what's with the exhaustion and the monkey and the bottle?" He asked, removing his Deku Mask.

"Long story, Link, just come with me please!" she said, then realized the monkey was still there and screamed at him, "GO AWAY! NEVER SHOW YOUR STUPID FACE IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN!"

"I am ever so sorry! Ah, er, f-farewell!" he said, hopping back towards the woods.

"… PMS again?" Link asked, which was promptly replied with a glare from the disgruntled fairy.

"Oh like you're one to talk, angsty elf!"

Choosing to remain quiet for now, Link followed Tatl to the Potion Shop, but chose not to enter for obvious reasons. After a few minutes of waiting, he watched as a very flustered Tatl floated out from the window, holding a very full Red Potion bottle.

"I-It was the monkey! I swear!" she said through the window, but then quickly went to Link's side. "Link, please hold this for me, it's too heavy!" He did as she told and held the bottle. Obviously, to a human it was just a regular bottle, so he just picked it with his left hand and kept on walking.

"Where are you going with this?" he asked.

"The witch needs this to get up and bring mushrooms for the other witch to be able to make Blue Potions so that you drunktards can have your daily shots."

"Well wasn't that a pretty unbiased and harmless explanation," Link grumbled. "All right, I'll bring this to that… witch. But you need to tell me something first."

"What is it?"

"Are we REALLY in an alternate dimension?"

"What kind of a q—"

"Tatl," Link cut her off, staring hard at her, "You have lied to me at least twice by now and you rather enjoy hiding things from me as well. Then, suddenly, I'm faced with Koume and Kotake. I have all the reasons in the world to ask you this."

The yellow fairy took a deep breath. "Link, I'm sorry for lying and all that. But this is really an alternate dimension. I didn't even know that those witches existed, let alone why you got such an allergic reaction out of them… but I can say now with 100% certainty that those witches do not know anything about you."

"Can I trust you on this?"

"Link, please…" she sighed, and the boy couldn't help but see his former partner Navi in her again. And his heart melted like butter inside Death Mountain Crater.

 _Damn you and that oil tycoon, Navi…_ "Okay. Let's go."

"L-Link…"

"Hey," he said, a mock scowl on his face, "Don't rush me."

"Okay, I won't rush you, idiot." Tatl replied, smiling.

* * *

 **Day 1, Night, Woods of Mystery**

"So, where's that monkey to guide us?" Link said as he stepped into the woods.

"Fuck him," Tatl said, her voice filled with venom, "I've been here enough to know the way myself."

"What happened between you two?"

"Suffice to say he REALLY is a monkey, in flesh and mind," Tatl replied, going through the first tunnel.

"I can only imagine what he did to you… like breathing, or existing."

"I'm not THAT bad."

"Yes y—" Link replied, but, as soon as they got out of another tunnel, he was hit by a Snapper. "OW! Motherfucker!" _Am I going to "casually bump" into enemies like this all the time?!_

The Snapper just looked at him, backed off a bit and let out a battlecry before retreating into its shell, spikes out, and spinning towards our hero. Link dodged with a jump to the side and saw his foe bang into the wall, but coming off completely unharmed.

 _We're dealing with Lemmy Koopa here…_

Dodging again the Snapper, Link turned to Tatl, who shouted at him. "Link! The belly! Its belly is a weak spot!" she said, but Link was less than impressed.

"The belly is UNDER him!" He yelled, then rolled to his left to dodge the creature again.

"Deku Flower!" she yelled back, floating around a stray Deku Flower conveniently placed in the center of the area they were in.

 _Oh that can't just be a coincidence. More importantly, how did I miss that?!_

Putting his Deku Mask on, Deku Link spinned to avoid the Snapper and stood on the flower, waiting for it to attack again. As soon as the battlecry was, one more time, ringing on his ears, Link burrowed inside the flower and launched himself with all the impulse he could muster in sync with the turtle's belly passing above him.

The damage was such that the Snapper was thrust backwards, lying dead on its back, but Link didn't feel a thing due to the softness of its weak spot.

"Phew," Tatl said, "That was close."

"Not even," Link replied.

"Showoff," Tatl snorted as she made towards another tunnel, Link following suit after removing the Deku Mask.

 _Maybe I wasn't really THAT angry at her. Fuck, Twinrova really did a number to my mind._

When they reached Koume, Link heard a few curses and abuse from her, but just silently handed her the Red Potion, stoically looking at her.

"You young'uns and your disrespect to old people, values and cultures! Why I should just banish you and that mischievous child to th—"

"Child?" Tatl asked.

"Yes! That brat! Him and his stupid mask…"

"Tell me, was it a straw—" Link started, but the hag cut him off loudly.

"YES! The Skull Kid! You think I'm stupid or something?! I'm not fooled by masks! I just underestimated him and he tripped me up!" Koume said, then continued, "Now, can I have my potion or what?!"

"Jeez, don't break my heart," Link said, but as he made to give it to her, she suddenly got up - on both feet - and grabbed it from him, then sat down.

 _What the…_

" **KOUME IS REVIVED!** "

The witch's loud wail startled both of our heroes, and after a blinding flash of light, she was sitting on her magic broom, floating in midair.

 _Could you be any more cliché?! Get some rotten apples and a black cat why don't you!_

"You may be an asshole," Koume said, looking down at Link, "But you did save me so I'll offer you a deal. I run the Boat Cruise Tour, so I'll give you a free ride."

 _Koume runs a boat tour in this dimension, and Kotake a potion shop. Next you'll show me Ganondorf baking cookies for the homeless._

"Thank you, Ms. Koume!" Tatl said.

"Drop the 'Ms.', will you?! You make me sound like I'm the older sister…"

"B-But you are twins…"

As Tatl finished her phrase, Koume was already zooming away.

"… Well, now what?" Link said.

"Now we go have our free ride, it's the least we can do after you being an asshole to her and me having the potion drank in front of her—"

"YOU DRANK THE POTION?!" Link yelled, laughing afterwards.

"No! Not me! The monkey!" Tatl, flustered yet again, replied.

Night kept on enveloping the swamp and everything that came with it, as our heroes finally went for a boat ride to relax, choosing to put all the anger issues aside for a while.

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope that the potion-drinking incident doesn't fall on deaf ears, because if so, it means I was a lousy player when I was 9. Also I don't know how well that whole "separate action" thing went, but it was something that fit with Woodfall's theme, so... Abridge'd.


	12. Chapter 12: Operation Banana Selfie

**A/N:** Hey guys, sorry again for the delay. You know, back when I was just a reader, I'd always go mad at those authors who'd write good fanfics but take centuries to update, and then when they did they'd release those A/N's saying "oh sorry work and school etc"… I'd always snap and think "oh boo-hoo why would you start a fic then you idiots"… And now I can totally see how wrong I was, finding myself in the same position. I guess that's life for you, huh.

Well, as always, hope you guys enjoy this one. Keep those reviews coming people, they always help a LOT.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own anything except the abridged plot (which can be bought on eBay – I will listen to any offers)

* * *

Chapter 12: Operation Banana Selfie

* * *

 **Day 1, Night, Boat Rental Shop**

Link and Tatl entered the Boat Rental Shop looking for the not-so-evil-anymore witch Koume, who ran the attraction and had given them a free ride. As soon as they entered the wooden cabin, their attention was directed to the front desk, where a – literally – huge man stared at them through dark glasses, his beard unkempt and hair covered by a strange aviator-like hat, which would sound like the most "remarkable" attribute of the man if it wasn't for the fact that he was almost shirtless... and showing a LOT of body hair.

" **EH-HE!** "

"Woah! Pedobear!" Link screamed, rolling to the side and hiding behind a vase.

" **HOOOOOOOOoooooooo…** I'm most certainly not some sort of kiddo-lover, my boy!" The man said, after letting a… sigh? Or some sort of battlecry? Something like that.

"Um, we're looking for Koume…" Tatl said, trying not to cringe at the forest that protruded from the man's chest.

" **EH-HE!** Koume is right there, m'lady!" He boomed, causing Tatl to flinch, then pointed towards a square hole in the far wall of the cabin. Sure enough, Koume's large nose was poking out from the inside.

"D-Do you always have to start every sent—" Link started from his hiding spot, but was cut off promptly by the man.

" **HOOOOOOOooooooo…** "

"Mercy! Mercy!" Link screamed, running towards Koume, then shouted, "A TICKET! FOR THE BOAT! PLEASE! AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO!"

"Not so brave now, are you, brat?!" Koume spat, then started again in a more business-like tone, "The boat only goes on a circular route inside the swamp."

"M-M… JUST… T-TAKE ME…"

Meanwhile, at the front desk, Tatl still bravely fought her desire to shave the man's upper body while she tried to ask him some questions.

"So, what is it exactly you're doing here…?"

" **EH-HE!** "

 _STOP THAT!_

"I am the owner of this place and the proud host of the Pictograph Contest!"

"P-Pictograph…?"

" **HOOOOOOooooooo…** My lady, it is simple! You're going on a boat ride with young Koume over there, no?"

 _She's anything but young!_

"Then you also have the opportunity to print some memories from the trip!" The man was taking a sales pitch now, drawing Tatl's attention, "How, you ask? With this!"

"What's this?" Tatl asked, looking at a yellow box that the man produced from under the desk.

"It is a Pictograph Box! You use it to take photos! Then, you bring the best one for me and you may win a fabulous prize…!"

 _A "Pictograph Box"…? Is he for real?! That's like those cameras from the Stone Age!_

"Wow! I want one! How much?" Tatl asked, beaming.

 _NO! Tatl, don't fall for that!_

" **EH-HE!** It's absolutely free of charge, since you were so kind to Koume!"

"Really?! Wow! Thanks!" Tatl said to the man, then dragged the camera all the way over to Link. "Look! Link! LINK! A PICTOGRAPH BOX!"

"…" Link could only stare.

"Hey!" Koume's voice called from behind the two, "Are you lovebirds going on the boat or what?"

"Let's go, Tatl. And drop that thing!" Link ordered, pointing at the Pictograph Box, but the fairy ignored him thoroughly, happily dropping it into Link's satchel.

* * *

 **Day 1, Night, Southern Swamp**

Our duo of legend-made heroes stepped onto the boat and watched as Koume got in front of it, looking at them but not paying attention, and started announcing the tour.

"Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking."

 _You're flattering yourself, witch._

"We will now commence our 'Swamp Tour of Doom'… wait, no, that's not it – I mean our… um… 'Swamp Tour of Fluff and Happiness'… yay!"

 _Well that's pretty reassuring._

"Please, do enjoy the scenery and take pictures to your heart's content! Also may I state that littering is a crime and if I see any of you people throwing stuff on the river I…"

 _Why is she talking like there's more people in here besides me and a fairy?!_

Ignoring the witch's blabbering, Link noticed the boat had already passed the gate leading to the Magic Potion shop and was cruising through the lilypad string path he had followed when he was mad as hell, blindly trying to find some way into the temple.

 _Heh. I think after all I've been through since I left Hyrule, I should be even more out of sorts than I was at the time, so, kudos for me and my superior behavior…_

"Link?" Tatl asked, taking Link out of his interesting trance.

"Yeah?"

"Not gonna take any pictures?"

"… Why should I?"

"Because you have to commit this place to memory! In a sense, it's like we're in vacation and traveling! Y'know, doing some nice sightseeing!"

"… My idea of 'vacations' don't usually include me being turned into a Deku, nor encountering alternate-universe versions of my past foes or dodging sexual innuendos every once in a while."

"You're such a spoilsport."

"Easy for you to say when you're just floating around like it's not your busi—" Link started, but his argument was cut short when the boat stopped in front of a familiar cave. Tatl just tilted her head in confusion, but Link, who had already been there, realized what was going on.

Wide-eyed, he yelled at Koume.

"STOP THE BOAT! KOUME, LISTEN TO ME, THERE'S A BIG—"

"Would you just be quiet please?!" The witch answered back from above, floating on her broom, "I know what's in there! Just relax!"

As if on cue, out came the Big Octo, splashing poison water around him.

And the boat started moving again.

"KOUME! STOP!" _Is this her idea of revenge?!_

Still moving.

"Link, w-what's going on?!" Tatl panicked, moving behind the boy, but he only panicked back, "I DON'T KNOW! THE WITCH IS TRYING TO KILL US!"

"N-NO! KOUME, PLEASE, WE'RE…"

 _I-I have to do something! But I can't jump off, the water's poisoned! A-Argh!_

The boat was now much closer to the Big Octo, as he already widened his vacuum mouth and started sucking the air in front of it. Desperate, Link just closed his eyes and crouched…

… Then, a noise. A yelp. And Link looked up to see the boat's sharp edge piercing the Big Octo.

 _Oh you have to be kidding me._

The monster, defeated, shriveled up and let out a sigh before dissolving into the water. Then, a cackling laugh from above.

"Hee hee hee! Come on! Continue the plights! It's funny!"

 _T-This is not funny…_

"So I was trying to kill you, huh?! Are you always so suspicious of people around you, brat?" Koume asked Link, who only trembled and shut his mouth.

They got past the cave into a whole new area of the swamp: to their left, Link could see a coast with a long wooden bridge sticking forward, like a port, and a huge palace. To his right and front, he saw high platforms and waterfalls leading to upper heights.

 _I'll probably have to check those places out later… much as I hate to._

"Well, then. We've arrived at the Deku Palace. Are you disembarking?" Koume asked, changing her tone.

"Deku Palace, huh?" Tatl echoed, turning to Link, "Should be interesting to check, maybe they'll have some clues about the swamp and how to reach the temple."

"Or maybe they can teach me some new 'yo mama' jokes."

A bump to Link's head and our heroes jumped off from the boat onto the wooden bridge, awkwardly waving Koume goodbye as they progressed through the door to the Deku temple…

"Alas!"

"ARGH!"

… Or not. That one monkey fell from above on top of Link, startling Tatl – as usual – whose face turned a new shade of red.

" _ **WhAt ThE hElL aRe YoU dOiNg HeRe…?!**_ " Tatl slowly asked, venom filling her voice, a distorted glare in the primate's direction.

"M-My lady, I am just here in order to deliver a statement… a message, if you will! But first, might I enquire as to why the ground is so unstab—"

"That's because you're standing on me!" Link yelled from beneath the monkey's feet.

"Oh! I am so, so verily sorry!" It answered, jumping backwards while Link stood up and brushed off his clothes.

"What do you want this time?" Link asked, trying – barely – to keep his cool.

"Ah! Yes! My reason as to why I'd direct mys—"

"CLEARLY!" Tatl shouted.

"Y-Yes!" The monkey yelped, sweating profusely, as if he wasn't able to talk in a different manner than the one he's used to, "I, er… I come forth to you with um… a… message from my cousins."

"Your cousins?" Link echoed. _I thought that the only monkeys with a sense of "family" were Donkey Kong's relatives…_

"They um… want you to… help our other cousin who has been… captured by the Dekus."

"Captured?" Tatl, again, echoed.

 _Jeez, aren't we good at this echo thing._

"The temple has befallen a most unfortunate fate, as you probably came to hear?"

 _That's not English._ "Yes? Go on…"

"Well, the Deku Princess and my cousin went to the temple to find out, because only members of the Royal Deku Family know how to enter the temple."

 _This sounds an awful lot like Hyrule's Royal Family._

"And why is he 'captured' now?" Tatl asked?

"That is the thing, ma'am," the monkey replied, suddenly wide-eyed and pleading, "The princess has disappeared within the walls of the temple, and the Dekus, in their rage and confusion, assumed that my cousin was the one to dispose of the fair lady!"

"Well I can see why they'd suspect him, he has no alibi and was with the victim before she disappeared…" Tatl pondered.

 _Oh, so now we're playing detective?_

"But m'lady! They didn't even give him the chance to defend himself! They are intent on toasting him alive!

"Now don't be so dram—"

"I MEAN LITERALLY, M'LADY! THEY HAVE THIS BIG CAULDRON AND…! AND…!"

"Ouch! They are literaly going to cook him?!" Link interjected.

"Y-Yes! Please, he didn't do it! You have to do something! Find him!"

"That's not our pr—" Tatl was going to refuse, but Link cut her off.

"Tatl, listen. The monkey was with the princess at the time. No matter what he did, at the very least we know that he has intel on the temple, and being held captive with the prospect of being boiled to death, I don't think he'd be unwilling to share stuff with us."

"…" Tatl said nothing, admitting defeat – which would mean help the stupid monkey.

"We'll do it," Link said to the primate, "We'll save your cousin."

"I… I thank you, good sir!" Said the monkey, turning and happily hopping off to the woods.

"Alright, Tatl. Initiate covert operation 'Monkey Rescue'!" _Wait. That lacks punch. Maybe "Banana Rescue"? Nah, too… obvious. "Peel Peril?"_

"LINK, JUST… GO!" Tatl shouted, taking link out of another interesting trance and going inside with him as next morning's sun rose behind them.

* * *

 **Day 2, Deku Palace, Morning**

The door led Link and Tatl to an U-shaped pond that streteched far around and behind a big palace, as to be expected of the Dekus, natives of Woodfall. In front of Link were some platforms, which he hopped across to reach a small hallway.

"Well then Tatl," he said, walking towards said hallway, "Let's see what this palace is all ab—"

A bump.

 _Seriously, all I've been doing the past few days is bumping into everything._

"THOU SHALT NOT PASS!" yelled two Dekus at the same time, popping up from two flowers on the ground, blocking Link's way.

"What's with the overused line?" Tatl replied, but the Deuks didn't respond. They just stared at Link with their hollow eye sockets, as if waiting for him to leave.

"You really won't let me in?" he asked.

"No."

"I have a sword…"

"So?"

"I can cut you to pieces!"

"We welcome you to try."

"…" _My tactic is ineffective against guards, it seems._

"Look, this is the Deku Palace. Dekus only. Now scram!"

"Link, what are you doing?!" Tatl irritatedly asked Link, stating the obvious afterwards, "Why aren't you taking your mask out?!"

"Oh! Right!" The boy replied, taking the Deku Mask and putting it over his face, promptly going through the usual morphing process. Even though he changed right in front of them, the Deku guards seemed not to notice it, suddenly changing the look in their eyes – if that was possible.

"Welcome to the Deku Palace. The public normally has little access to this place, but today we are welcoming the likes of you in our sacred abode!"

 _More importantly, how come you guys don't bat an eye when someone pulls something like this off in front of your eyes?!_

"If you go straight down this hallway, you'll reach the king's chambers, where the monkey's execution is set to happen!"

"E-Execution…" Tatl cringed, disturbed by the idea.

"And that is it! Do not enter any areas whatsoever, or so God help me!"

"Are you ever nice to anyone at all?" Link asked, but the guards just burrowed underground again, leaving the path open.

"Well, let's go, I guess," Tatl said after blinking meaningfully a few times. So, our heroes proceeded down the hallway, entering the door at the end leading to the palace proper…

* * *

 **Day 2, Morning, Deku King's Chambers**

The sight was something else. A large room, sand-floored, with some stray leaves doubling as seats around a somewhat large bonfire (probably where the cauldron was to be set) and a throne at the far end, a bunch of Dekus in front and, towering above them all, one very large – in every sense of the word – Deku.

They moved towards the king, but something else caught Link's eye. To the side, bars separated the chamber from a small area with a pole… and on top of that pole…

"Look! Tatl!" Link said, pointing at said pole, where a monkey – much like the one who constantly pestered Tatl – was tied high up.

"Is that the monkey's cousin?!"

"Oh of course not, it's probably Diddy Kong. WHO ELSE?!"

"Link, you should seriously check that PMS of yours."

 _Not this again…_ "Is there even a way up there?"

"Um, I don't know…"

"You two!" a loud voice bellowed from behind, and a very startled Link turned to look at none other than the Deku King addressing him.

"Y-Yes, my… um… Lord?" Link awkwardly stuttered, unsure as to how to address the King.

"What is your business here?"

"I-I… We're here to… um… see that rotten monkey suffer!" Link replied, but His Highness only eyed him warily… then looked at Tatl.

"And… who is your friend there?"

"Ah! Pleased to meet you, sir. I am Tatl, a fairy from North Clock Town. I was specifically assigned to this area by the Great Fairy herself to bless the execution and ensure that you have the heavens' approval!"

 _W-What a load of…_

"Oh! Wonderful! In that case, I welcome you!" The king replied, then took notice of something else. "Hey, is that a Pictograph Box, by any chance?"

"Yes!" Tatl beamed, happy that someone took notice of her favorite toy.

"Well I never!" The Deku King was practically smiling now, "Let us take a, how do you call it, a 'shelf', you and me!"

"You mean 'selfie', don—" Link said, but was cut off.

"Silence, peasant! I am speaking to the divinity!"

"Hahaha! You don't get any special treatment this time, Link," Tatl said, laughing at him.

"Come on! Join me!" The Deku King said, lifting the box upwards and towards his face, Tatl joining him seconds before the flash that confirmed the taking of a memorable picture.

"Now we have to think of a caption, no? Maybe… #fairy #blessed #fuckmonkeys #forthebag #followback "

 _What the hell is going on here?! I want to go home, this is too much!_

"Hey, Your Highness!" Tatl said, all friendly now, "Is there a way up to that cage?"

Still distracted choosing a caption for their picture, the bigger Deku responded distractedly, "Oh, just go through the outer garden and you'll be fine. Grab some magical beans on the inner garden and plant them outside…"

"Magical beans?!" Tatl replied, sharing Link's incredulous look.

"They really are forcing this 'alternate dimension' thing a lot, huh?" Link thought aloud and turned to leave for the gardens, leaving Tatl to her goodbyes with her new friend.

Glancing at the monkey's "cage", Link saw an entrance at the far end of the area, and registered it, going through the process in his mind.

 _So… Inner garden, magical beans, outer garden, cage, huh._

"Link, let's go." Tatl said, standing beside him.

"What, got tired of photoshooting?"

"Well I just found out that the Pictograph Box only holds one picture at a time. It's pretty lame."

"I told you that this was bullshit! You fell right into that man-forest's trap!"

"What can I say, I have a weak spot for technology."

"Says the fairy living in the woods."

* * *

 **A/N:** I am very allergic to the word "selfie", but somehow I felt compelled to write a whole scene around the concept. Go figure.


	13. Chapter 13: Mission: Very Much Possible

**A/N** : Okay guys, no excuses, let's get this show on the road again.

 **Disclaimer:** I claim absolutely nothing until my lawyer arrives

* * *

Chapter 13: Mission: Very Much Possible

* * *

 **Day 2, Morning, Deku Palace**

Deku Link and Tatl were, once again, on the hallway of the strange Deku Palace; only this time with an actual plan on the works… or something like that.

"So which one is the inner garden?" Link asked, looking around the hallway, which featured, as well as the entrance to the King's Chambers up front and the entry/exit with the two Deku guards behind them, two doors on each side - leading to two separate gardens.

"Huh, there are two gardens…" Tatl mused. Two seconds in and their plan already had been jeopardized.

"Ok, Tatl, I need you to fly up there and check which of the gardens has any sign of magical beans."

"Oh, so I'm your personal spying drone?"

"Yeah, maybe you can put that camera of yours to some real use," Link said, pointing at Tatl's Pictograph Box.

"I plan on throwing it away into the next trash can we find, but sure, I'll go. Be back in a minute or two…" Tatl said, then floated upwards until she could see both gardens well enough.

 _Now that I think about it, I can't believe I've never had Navi spy things for me before. Fairies like that are some Metal Gear Solid level spying shit. I could've found out about quest-related stuff way earlier like that Ruto girl's underw—_

"Hey!" Tatl came back _right on time_ , and interrupted Link. "I've found it! I think."

"You 'think'. Great. That's always the kind of result we expect."

"Look, bozo, listen. The garden to our right is the one we're looking for," Tatl explained, pointing towards the entrance, "But there's something we should be careful about."

"Like what?" Link asked.

"Well," The fairy responded, "Both gardens have some features. First of all, they're a bit maze-like, as in, lots of walls and rocks and obstacles like that."

"Oh, I hate mazes…" Link grumbled under his breath, memories surfacing.

"But that's not all," Tatl continued, "They are both under surveillance."

"Surveillance, you say? Like cameras and stuff?"

"Do you really think those guys know what technology is?"

 _Says the Proud Pictograph Box Owner!_

"No," Tatl sighed and continued, "There are some guards doing rounds around some structures. We have to find a way around them if we want to reach the end."

 _Castle Courtyard all over again._ "And what's at the end?"

"A hole."

"No need to insult me, I was just ask—"

"No, really, there's a hole at the end. I know it's not conclusive, but the other garden has nothing that looks like a place that sells beans."

"Oh, gotcha. So we reach this hole and enter it to find the salesman?"

"That's my best guess right now."

"Real secretive. I wouldn't be surprised if those 'beans' turned out to be really 'magical'…"

"Oh come on, like you've never tried."

"I'll have you know I only take Blue Potions, and they're perfectly legal!" Link shouted as they entered the inner garden. The place was small, as in a square-like garden, and structures like small towers, rocks and blocks gave the place a real maze feeling. As Tatl said, Deku guards like the ones at the palace's gate were circling around the structures in a manner that reminded Link of Hyrule Castle's guards, who circled around as well, in the same orientation, stopping at precise times and for perfectly timed durations.

And he planned on using his burglar-like experience today.

"Alright Tatl, hide inside my hat, please."

"W-Why?! Do I _have_ to?!

"Yes you do, you're all yellowy and shiny and you're just gonna attract attention." _And hey, you have no qualms about randomly entering my hat to slack off._

Tatl sighed. "Okay… make some room please…"

 _Alone time, how long has it been? I've missed you._

Putting his back to the wall behind him, Link strafed sideways until he reached a corner. Looking to his left, he could see a huge rock being circled by a slow-moving Deku.

 _Ok, this is a piece of cake. The guy clearly hates his job to be moving so sluggishly. Let's dash in 3… 2… 1… G—_

"INTRUDER!" a voice shouted following a sharp, ear-shattering whistle noise. Link may have slipped past the guard's back when he wasn't looking, but he failed to see that there was another rock with another patrol guard just behind him… and his lack of foresight cost him.

Thrown out – literally – out of the palace, Link got up and rubbed his aching back. "Fuck, I think I've lost my touch…"

"That was SO lame! Oh my god! You're a worse spy than Johnny English!" Tatl freaked out, trying to think of alternate ways to get into the garden along with the injured nuisance to her right.

"Well I'm sorry I don't have, like, x-ray vision or something!"

"Now how do we get back in?!"

"Let me try talking to the guards…"

"Yeah, sure, try talking to the guys who just threw you out, that's a brilliant idea."

Link didn't listen to the fairy, instead going to the gate to talk to the two guards who, again, burrowed out of their Deku Flowers to eye him warily.

"Aren't you the Deku we just threw out…?"

"Ah—er—I—No! I am great rich millionaire from distant place!" Link answered, throwing his green hat to the side, his blonde hair exposed.

"W-What?" One of the guards asked after both flinched.

 _Seriously, they've seen me "change" like three times now and still can't tell each one apart._ "I am coming here to, er, how do you say… 'szvatkza'… oh! The 'execution!'" Link improvised, very badly, but the guards seemed to buy it. "Tatline!" he shouted, and Tatl took a second or two to process, but floated to his side.

"Y-Yes, um… d-darling?" She said, stuttering and maybe gagging a bit.

"Please hide in my hat and bring it to me once you get inside," Link whispered into her ear, "and also act like I've just told you something important and give me your Pictograph Box."

"O-Okay…" she said, still whispering, and then raised her voice for the guards to hear. "No problem, darling. I will see you after your meeting with the King!", she said, floating to the side.

 _Whoa, she's sharp._

"You have business with the King too, sir…?" The other guard asked.

"Yes, I have the business, yes! I intend to, um, bring this Ptograph Box and take one 'shelf' with my friend King!" _Ugh._

"Oh, by all means, please come in! His Highness' chambers are at the end of the hallway, and, um, if you could please avoid entering the gardens to the sides, we'd appreciate it…"

 _The tone changes when the money changes, huh._ "Thank you! I am with the gratefulness!"

Link then got in, watched as the guards went underground, and quickly dashed to the inner garden to meet with Tatl at that same corner he was before he got caught. Sure enough, the yellow fairy was there, carrying his hat.

"Ok, position yourself inside it again as you put it on, please…"

"Link, I'm not your actual servant, okay. You put it on yourself."

 _Dammit, it was way better being a millionaire._ _Wait, is that why Navi went with that oil tycoon?_ "Alright Tatl, I'm gonna need your help again this time. Hover up to that rock I couldn't see before, and keep an eye on the guard's movements so I don't get caught again."

"Okay, but do we have a signal?"

"I'll be waiting here, looking at you. When you see that both guards have their backs to me, you do that flashing thing you do with your body and I'll dash past 'em."

"You sure this will work?"

"If this plan doesn't work, I'm trapping myself into a Goron body."

"W-Well alright then, why don't I just…" Tatl trailed off, quietly floating above the wall and taking her spying drone position again. The guards kept on doing their boring rounds in the same lazy fashion, until least common multiple laws brought them to a point where both guards had their backs to Link.

Tatl quickly flashed her body, doing her best to not flash too brightly, and Link took the hint, zooming past the clueless security staff. He, then, motioned for Tatl to scout the next area while he hid behind a tall bush.

 _Operation "Castle Courtyard on Steroids" going well so far…_

"Okay," Tatl whispered, floating back to Link's side, "There's a guard across from you who's going to turn a corner and disappear for a while, that's your cue. Just rush forward and enter the door to your right."

"Uh-huh," Link nodded, "Then what?"

"As soon as you go past the door, hide behind a bush to your left. There's two rectangular structures in front of it, with two guards circling them."

"Right, and you'll signal me when they're both—"

"Nope," Tatl interrupted, "They're going opposite directions, you'll get caught."

"Well what do I do then?"

"I don't know, you're the Max Payne here."

"Ugh… okay, I'll come up with something. Get under my hat."

Following suit, Tatl entered beneath the green clothing while Link slightly put his head outside to see if the coast was clear.

 _Ok, I'm really gonna have to do this again… I'm lucky these guys are dumber than me._

As Link saw the first guard coming, he hid his face a bit more. When he passed our hero's hiding spot, Link did what probably no spy would ever do: he started tiptoeing right behind the guard.

And what do you know, the guard didn't even notice. He just kept on walking. While Link was literally behind him.

 _Man, it's like someone's deliberately making this easier for me._

As they reached the next corner, between this and the next structure, Link stopped and stuck to the wall. Sure enough, the second guard came and went past him. Moving quickly so that the first guard wouldn't catch him, Link started walking quietly behind the second guard until they were both on the other side of the wall.

 _There! The hole!_

Link made a mad dash towards the hole, which surprisingly startled the guards, but it was too late for them to see anything. Link and Tatl were already inside.

* * *

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Deku Palace – Underground**

The hole led to a small underground area of the palace, with a grassy floor, a small pond to the right and an outstretched carpet to the left, where sat a fat, bald man, furiously eating what appeared to be chips.

"Phew, we made it," Link said, letting out a breath.

"Far from it. Still have the outer garden to go," Tatl answered, then took notice of the man on the carpet. "Hey, is that guy the one who…"

"Maybe," Link interrupted, "Let's see if he has the beans or not."

They both made their way to the man, who looked at them, but still didn't stop munching on what, on closer inspections, looked like actual beans.

 _Yeah, go ahead, impulse eat your stock away. Shining business handling._ "Um, hello?" Link asked.

"Mmmmmmmmmm… *munch munch munch*…" The man barely registered Link there, but then asked through a very full mouth, "Whaddya want, pops?"

"I'd like a… magical bean, please?" _God, this sounds so stupid._

"Oh, sure, pops. *munch munch munch* 10 Rupees and it's yours."

"Oh, alright, lemme just…" Link trailed off, looking for his wallet.

"What is exactly magical about these beans?" Tatl asked, taking over the conversation.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm… they *munch munch* taste real good…"

"I-Is that all…?"

"Oh! Sorry, got distracted. These beans, ya know, they grow into plants."

"Yes… go on…" Tatl said, a little annoyed by the prospect of being part of a big prank.

"These plants, well, they fly *munch munch munch* real high, right?" The salesman said, still barely making any sense through his mouth full of beans, "They're like them magical carpets from the cartoons."

"Um… and how do we grow them?"

"Find ya some soft soil, plant the bean, water it, shazam."

"Just like that?!" Link interjected, Rupees in hand.

"Yep, guaranteed. Less 'n 3 minutes."

"SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" Link yelled, literally throwing the money at the salesman, who flinched and gave him some magical beans.

"You have a shopping issue," Tatl stated.

 _W-Why you… what about your useless photo box?!_

"So, do you know where the outer garden is?" Tatl asked.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm… yeah. Just go outside the gate, make a left along the moat *munch munch munch* and go all the way 'till ya reach the end…"

"Right, thanks." Tatl said, moving away from the munching man and to Link's side, who was filling a bottle with water from the pond.

"Where'd you get the bottle?"

"Well, someone I know had this bottle before me, she was supposed to fill it with Red Potion and bring it to a witch but failed—"

"IT WAS THAT MONKEY!" Tatl yelled.

"Right, right, blame the inferior being. Typical," Link jokingly said, closing the lid on the bottle and making his way out of the cavern, Tatl following him.

* * *

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Deku Palace**

"Okay, so the outer garden can be reached from outside the gate?" Link asked.

"Yeah, we just need to backtrack." Tatl stated.

"Backtrack and repeat all that stealthy crap? No sir," Link said, "I have a better plan."

"Which i—LINK?!" Tatl said in shock as Link started to run around and shout through the garden.

"JESUS IS RETURNING! HE IS COMING BACK TO THIS EARTH! THE SINNERS SHALL BE PUNISHED! I REPEAT, OUR SAVIOR COMET—"

"Hey! Intruder! Get back here!" The nearest Deku guard shouted, intercepting Link like a loose football and throwing him out of the palace again.

"S-Shortcut…!" Link said, half-jokingly, as he got up from the ground.

"Link, what's the big idea?! You couldn't be bothered to strafe through a bit more walls?"

"We don't really need to go inside again, do we? Enjoy life a bit more, will ya."

"T-That's not.. argh! Fine! Let's go!" She said as Link started hopping around, following another lilypad string, which stretched through the entire left half of the palace's poisoned moat.

As they finally got to the end, Link saw a patch of conveniently prepared soft soil and a sign that read, "Outer garden entrance".

 _Hmmmm, so, I just put the beans here…_

Mere seconds after Link inserted the beans in a hole in the soil, a small sprout rose from it.

"Whoa! Is this even—" Link said, shocked.

"Looks like it's not growing anymore, maybe you should water it." Tatl said, looking at the sprout.

"Right, good idea," Link agreed taking out the bottle and just dropping all the water inside at once on the sprout.

"You'll drown the poor thing! What is wrong with you?!"

"Oh shut it will you, everyone knows water is ineffective against grass in Pokémon!"

"Link, for the last time, Pokémon is not real li—" Tatl began, but was interrupted by a sound. When she looked for the source, she saw a large, round, carpet-like floating leaf where the sprout was.

"You were saying?" Link said, a smug smile on his happy-go-lucky face.

"…" A confused and defeated Tatl accompanied Link as he stepped on the leaf. It floated upwards, stopping at a small hallway up on the wooden walls of the palace. Proceeding forward, Link found himself over the inner garden, and noticed that the towers that were there had all Deku Flowers on top of them.

 _So THIS is the outer garden, huh. I guess I just have to hop, flower by flower, until I reach the cage…_

"Link, there are Mad Scrubs on the flowers!" Tatl pointed out, and right on cue, a Mad Scrub popped out, spitting Deku Nuts at Link – and missing, due to the still considerable distance between them.

"I guess we're in for some aerial action, huh," Link said, burrowing inside the flower and blasting off upwards.

 _I'm getting the hang of this flying business, at least. Just don't look at the ground…_

"Link! There! It's right below you!" Tatl stated, being Link's "eyes" and a good spying drone.

"Gotcha! Fire in the hole!" Link shouted, dropping a Deku Nut, which hit the Mad Scrub and did away with the poor beast.

"Bullseye!" Tatl cheered as Link, losing height and momentum, landed on the just-conquered flower.

"So, it's rinse and repeat from now, huh?" Link asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. This is kinda fun, actually!"

"I know, right?! It feels weird to be having actual fun in this hellhole of a journey, but…" … _But what?_

"Alright then, blast off in 3… 2…"

"1… GO!"

Link passed through both gardens via Deku Flower, bombarding every Mad Scrub along the way. Fortunately, since he couldn't look down out of fear, Link failed to notice that Tatl had pranked him – the other inner garden actually hosted a fairly large hoard of Rupees.

She laughed to herself as Link landed on a platform high up, and passed through a big door-like hole on the wall.

* * *

 **A/N:** Tatl is such a prankster. Also, I'm thinking about maybe mixing up some elements of the 3D remake into the story, but I'm still not sure which ones.

Alright, thanks to everyone who is sticking through these boring hiatuses and to any new readers! And, as always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Peace out!


	14. Chapter 14: Rinse and Repeat, 12 Times

**A/N** : And here we go with another chapter. This one was hard as balls to write, man. Southern Swamp ain't easy to describe.

Anyway, enjoy folks! And feedback is always appreciated.

 **Disclaimer:** If I'm rewriting an existing character, can I claim co-ownership of it? Watch me, Nintendo…

* * *

Chapter 14: Rinse and Repeat, 12 Times

* * *

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Deku Palace – King's Chambers**

After going through a full course meal of trouble and action, Link and Tatl finally reached their intended destination. The cage where the monkey was held in was situated in a very open and visible place of the King's Chambers, however, so the covert operation was still ongoing.

The monkey was tied up somewhat high to a white pole, but otherwise, his cage, surrounded by metal bars and with a few loose boxes and crates spread around, didn't have much else of notice.

"Well, here we are," Link said, quietly.

"Look how the poor thing tries to wrestle himself off of the ropes…" Tatl said, noticing that the monkey didn't look very happy or conformed with his situation.

"The way that other monkey put it, he must've been locked in for at least a day or two, right?"

"Probably."

 _That's some willpower._ "Well, let's get him out."

Link took his Deku Mask off, figuring that his smaller Deku figure wasn't doing him any favours, and scouted the area.

"So how do we get up there in the first place?" Tatl said, looking at the rope.

"We can't attract attention because the Deku guys are standing right next to us," Link said, "Which means we have to avoid noises and too much movement."

"Which means you're too scared to cut the rope and get caught," Tatl said.

"N-No! Of course not? W-Why would you even think that?" _Damn this fairy and her sorcery…!_

Tatl, ignoring her partner's Lake-Hylia-transparent lie, rose up towards the monkey until they were at face level.

"Hey, chill, chill," she said to the struggling primate, "We're here to rescue you."

"… **WHAT ARE YOU—** " the monkey started in a booming voice, but Tatl slapped him across the face and hid behind the pole while Link dove behind a crate.

The Dekus, of course, all looked towards the cage, but when they only saw the monkey, they assumed he was throwing a fit and carried on with their businesses.

"What is _wrong_ with you monkeys? Every time you open your damn mouths it only causes pain and suffering!" Tatl hissed in a low voice.

" **I—** I'm sorry," the monkey managed to say, finally subduing his anger.

"Now, let's start by asking you a couple of questions," Tatl started, floating left and right like a TV series detective, "First of all… is it true that you were with the victim at the time of her disappearance?"

"Yes, but—"

"And is it not also true," the fairy cut him off by making her tone of voice a little more imposing, "That you also went, with her, to the temple where she vanished, with the intention of investigating said temple's 'curse'?"

"That would b—"

"Now isn't that strange?" The monkey was already beginning to turn red in the face, but Tatl carried on, "Why would you, a monkey, an adaptable and developed creature, be so worried about matters that concern the Dekus only?"

"Well it's where I li—"

"Now, I'm led to believe th—"

" **SHUT UP FOR A GODDAMN MOMENT!** " The monkey, finally angered at Tatl's train wreck of an interrogation and constant interruptions, shouted, prompting Tatl to zoom back to Link's side behind the crate. The Dekus looked to the side again, but only saw the steaming monkey angrily cursing and trying to wrestle himself off of the ropes, so they went back to preparing the execution ceremony.

"Tatl, for fuck's sake," Link started, whispering, "You don't go to a monkey with clear anger issues and start pointing fingers in his face! I know you're no detective, so stop acting based off of Hotel Dusk!"

"But I thought…" Tatl trailed off.

"You keep pressuring him and you'll only make him go apeshit – no pun intended – and we'll get nowhere. Hell, we may even get caught. Let me handle this."

Link looked around, checking his surroundings, and then walked quietly to the pole, looking up.

"Hey. Hey, can you hear me? And please!" Link said, before the monkey could respond, "Keep your voice low, please. I'm here to get you out."

"Really? And how do you plan on doing it?" The monkey responded.

"Like this!" Link jumped to the side, in a ninja motion, then hopped to another loose crate just behind the pole and leapt towards the rope, sword in hand, ready to cut it.

Of course, he didn't.

"I-It didn't… that rope's too thick, damn it!" Link said.

"Oh, beautiful…" The monkey grumbled, looking to the side.

"Look, I'll figure something out. But can I just ask you some questions? I'm headed for the temple, so maybe if I find something there, I can bail you out…" _If you're innocent, that is._

"You're headed to the temple? Don't be foolish," The monkey said, now looking Link in the eye, "It's been badly cursed. The insides are filled by murderous creatures, poisoned water and traps, all controlled by a monster!"

"A m-monster…?"

"I didn't get to see it very well, but it was huge. Human-shaped, slim, but towering tall. He took the princess and knocked me the fuck away right to this palace's doorstep."

"All the way from the temple?!"

"Yes. The temple's on Woodfall proper, directly across from the palace."

"Hmmmm. Look, I'm going there, cursed or not, so please tell me how to reach Woodfall."

"Well, if you want to die so badly, then it's not my concern. Near the palace exit, there's a Deku Flower and a cave up on the wall. That's the shortcut to the temple."

"Sure. And I'm not going to die, you can bet your ass on that." _I survived a hand coming out of a toilet, nothing can be worse._

"Hmph… let's hope so. Anyway, the temple's submerged in the poisoned swamp, so you have to pull it out from underneath it."

 _Um, what?!_ "Pull it… out?"

"Yes, with a song. The Deku people have a song that they sing on an altar to bring the temple out from underwater – 'underpoison', in this case."

 _Oh, fuck this monkey, what a clown._ "Well okay, and you know this song?"

"Yes. I'm going to hum it to you, so listen carefully and memorize it…" The monkey said, then quietly sang the melody while Link tried his best to take it all in.

 _Hmmmm, maybe I can remix this with some cheap dubstep motif and finally kickstart my musical career…_ "Okay, I'll be going now".

"Hm. Good luck, I guess… whatever", the monkey replied, looking to the side and gritting his teeth.

 _You could try and blurt out this "Thank You" that you're saving so badly…_

Link motioned for Tatl to leave and she followed suit, both of them exiting from where they came.

* * *

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Deku Palace**

They backtracked through all of the outer garden – Link would've tried another funny gimmick to get caught and thrown out, but Tatl bumped against his head until he forgot what he was planning to do. Soon enough, they were at the path to the temple mentioned by the monkey.

"Put your Deku Mask on and get going, fairy boy", Tatl ordered.

"I swear, if you keep rushing me like that, I'm going to flip out", Link answered while putting on the mask, then burrowed deep into the flower and blasted to the exit.

* * *

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Southern Swamp**

As soon as Link stepped back into the Southern Swamp area, he noticed some enormous yellow platform-like flowers arranged in a path that reached the back of a waterfall.

 _What's with this place and strings of plants?_ "Well, what's the plan?"

"Hmmm," Tatl mused, then started, "There's a Deku Flower right in front of you, but you'll not get far enough flying… maybe we should just blast to that first flower and figure out something, no use being here."

"Right. Let's go."

As Link was approaching the center of the first platform, he noticed that another Deku Flower waited for him at the very center. Preparing to land, he lowered himself… and was hit, letting go of his support copters and falling to the ground.

"W-What was that?!" Link shouted, looking frantically around until his eyes locked on to a flying creature a few feet above him. The foe looked like a mantis, but with tiny dragon wings and an electric hook attached to the rear end, like a tail.

"That's a Dragonfly, Link! Its weak spot is the tail, but you can't hit it while it's sparking like that!"

"You could've told me that before that monster hit me!" Link angrily said, dodging another tail whip from the Dragonfly.

"I didn't see it! I was trying to download new filters for my Pictograph Box!"

"Weren't you going to throw it away?!" _And how is this thing capabl… ok, never mind, here it comes!_

Dodging again, Link set his sights on the Dragonfly's tail, while the monster bzzzz-ed his way towards him. The bubble that flew from his Deku hole – the one that's more safe to describe – hit the Dragonfly, but nothing happened.

And he took another blow to the face.

"Fuck!"

"Link!" Tatl shouted, "Try Plan B!"

"Um, which is…?"

"Burrow underground and surprise him!"

"Don't say that too loud! What if he hears u—OW!" Link was interrupted by a third blow to his face, and now was starting to feel really weak.

 _Ok… here goes nothing!_

Link burrowed underground, but didn't go all the way, leaving part of his head showing. The Dragonfly took notice of it and prepared another strike, coming very close…

And Tatl yelled.

"NOW!"

Link went deeper and blasted upwards, severely hitting the Dragonfly, who fell on the ground, lifeless.

"G-God damn these creatures surprising me…"

"Nice going, Link. Let's go, we can recover later!"

"Easy for you to say, all you do is shout and hurl abuse from afar while I do the painwork…"

"Have you ever seen a coach come onto the pitch to play?"

"Well in 1856 there was this B—"

"THE ANSWER IS NO!" Tatl yelled, "And let's get going, the sun's setting."

"Um, I think it might be a bit too late to try and tackle the temple, maybe we should give the next area a fair shake and reset time to try from Day 1."

"That… makes sense. Ok, let's go towards Woodfall!"

It turns out that all flowers had a Deku Flower on the center – and Dragonflies around – so the path was pretty much rinse and repeat until our heroes reached the back of the waterfall. In front of Link, there was a stone plate, and to the side, a passage into Woodfall. The stone plate read some musical notes, but what really caught Link's attention was standing on top of it…

"K-Kaepora?" Link said, looking above to look into the eyes of Kaepora Gaebora, a huge owl that watched over the Kokiri children in Hyrule. Wise and talkative, the bird was a respected figure, even if the conversations about him were not always pleasant.

"Alternate dimension…" Of course, Tatl thought in advance this time and avoided another fiasco by reminding Link of the obvious. This Kaepora, while as wise as the Hylian one, had no knowledge of Link, nor of Hyrule.

"Ho-ho-ho-ho-hoot! This is a rare sight. You are a fairy child, correct?" Kaepora asked.

"Y-Yes…" Link said, still weirded out over having to talk to an old acquaintance like it had amnesia or something.

"What business might you have in this poisoned swamp?" The owl proceeded.

 _Why do I feel that it's not really listening to me?_ "Um, we were going to scout Woodfall and then go back to t—"

"If you dare not venture further, I shall pass no judgment. It is better that you hurry back to town. This swamp you are in has lost its guardian deity. But it was destined to fade anyway."

"Destined to fade anyway…?" Tatl asked, a bit confused.

"If you have the courage and determination to proceed in the face of destiny, then I shall teach you something useful…" Kaepora finished, looking down to the stone plate and the notes below.

"Oh, I get it," Link said, taking his Deku pipes out and blowing the notes inscripted. That was the Song of Soaring, which the plate described as "the song with the power to warp to where the memories lay". Link scratched his head, a bit lost.

"Did you understand all of that?" Kaepora asked, with Link half-paying attention.

"Nope. U-Um, I mean, Y—"

"Ho-ho-ho-ho-hoot! This is a rare sight. You are a fairy child, correct? What business might you have in this poisoned swamp? If you dare not venture further, I shall pass no judgment. It is better that you hurry back to town. This swamp you are in has lost its guardian deity. But it was destined to fade anyway. Hoo-hoot...And that destiny is not solely limited to this swamp... If you have the courage and determination to proceed in the face of destiny, then I shall teach you something useful."

 _F-F… Nggghh… This is all too familiar…_

"Did you understand all of that?"

"Nope!" Tatl said, cheeringly.

"What the hell is wr—" Link started, but…

"Ho-ho-ho-ho-hoot! This is a rare sight. You are a fairy child, correct? What business might you have in this poisoned swamp? If you dare not venture further, I shall pass no judgment. It is better that you hurry back to town. This swamp you are in has lost its guardian deity. But it was destined to fade anyway. Hoo-hoot...And that destiny is not solely limited to this swamp... If you have the courage and determination to proceed in the face of destiny, then I shall teach you something useful."

"Tatl! What's your problem?!"

"Did you understand all of that?" Kaepora asked again, not a change in tone or expression.

"Nope!"

"I am going to k—"

"Ho-ho-ho-ho-hoot! This is a rare sight. You are a fairy child, correct? What business might you have in this poisoned swamp? If you dare not venture further, I shall pass no judgment. It is better that you hurry back to town. This swamp you are in has lost its guardian deity. But it was destined to fade anyway. Hoo-hoot...And that destiny is not solely limited to this swamp... If you have the courage and determination to proceed in the face of destiny, then I shall teach you something useful."

…

* * *

 **Day 2, Night, Southern Swamp**

"PLEASE STOP." Link said, after listening to Kaepora's speech for the 12th time.

"Hahahahahahahaha oh man, it's so good to mess with you," Tatl said between laughter.

"Did you under—"

"YES I DID!" Link shouted.

"—stand all o—"

"I UNDERSTOOD."

"—f that?"

"YES! JESUS CHRIST, YES!"

"From the first time you play this song, we shall become eternal friends, transcending time and place!" Kaepora Gaebora said, flying away.

 _Oh, fuck you._ Link shook his head and went into the passage with Tatl, finally progressing into the next area…

* * *

 **Day 2, Night, Woodfall**

Woodfall proper wasn't much but an overgrown natural basin of water, with stray lilypads, algae and islands, connected via woodplank bridges, strewn across the water.

Except all of the water was poisonous.

"Jeez, this is really the source," Tatl stated, "The stench is getting worse by the minute."

"It really is," Link agreed, "If I take my mask off, I'm afraid I'll end up actually poisoning myself from smelling it."

"Well, so this is Woodfall… no real complications or puzzles."

"I see a couple of Mad Scrubs from here," Link said, "Probably guarding Deku Flowers."

"Yup, and that central pillar over there with the carnavalesque aspect… it's some sort of shrine?"

"More like an altar, but yeah, it's probably where we have to go. The monkey told me that the temple was underwater, and the huge blank space in front of the altar makes it even more obvious."

"So, reset time?"

"Yeah. But first… what's with that song and memories?"

"I dunno Link, but if I could guess, I'd say it's a song that can warp us to places we've already known…?"

"You say that like someone else told you before."

"Um, no, but I do feel something ominous in the air now."

"Alright, enough of that. Let's reset time."

"Yup."

* * *

 **A/N:** Phew, they almost found me out…!


	15. Chapter 15: Behind Yellow Eyes

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, but we are back with more mask nonsense here at our very own Fanfiction dot net! Today we get to the final stretch of Season 1, with Woodfall and the first steps into Woodfall Temple!

As always, your feedback is appreciated, needed, maybe even vital.

Seriously, my vision is b-blurrying, I-I need… re… views…

 **Disclaimer:** This is a test. Do not try this at home. I repeat, this is a test.

* * *

Chapter 15: Behind Yellow Eyes

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Woodfall**

After resetting time and playing the recently learned Song of Soaring, Link found himself being transported to the place he had in mind when he played the melody: Woodfall, yet again. Back at the entrance of the overgrown bowl of poisoned water, our heroes cringed once more at the stench of foul substances polluting nature's tears.

Then again, tears are something Link can relate to.

This whole trip in the swamp was reeking of negative emotions. Of anger, sorrow, tears of hate and angsty bursts of rage. Though Link always wore his negativity and pessimism on his sleeve, everyone who knew him - no one in Termina, unfortunately - could tell he was acting weird. As if he was being influenced by something…

"Boom! Roasted," Link said after slaughtering another Mad Scrub. _This is way too easy. It's a bit scary, even_.

"Well, onwards we go," Tatl said while Link was transforming into Deku Link to use the flower, left behind by the Mad Scrub.

"Um, Tatl?" Link asked, looking forward to the next log-bridge across from the flower, "What is that?"

"That is a Hiploop," Tatl answered, after seeing the back of a creature which was all yellow, four-legged and with a face shaped as if it was an open cocoon, with three "leaves" pointing left, up and right. "Hiploops are angry creatures that can only see forward and will charge violently at you, so my best bet would be striking it from the back."

"From the back, huh… okay, here goes," Link said, burrowing underground, then launched himself upwards and flew to the bridge, facing the Hiploop's back.

 _Maybe I'll give him a good taste of the Deku Spin Attack… ready… set… g-_

As Link was planning on attacking the Hiploop, the critter reached the end of its forward march and turned back to the opposite direction, which means the monster, with its wide, yellow eyes, saw Link… and saw red. A couple of sharp, loud and hateful growls from the creature and it was coming towards our hero in a mad dash.

"W-WAAAAAAH!" Link yelled, releasing a bubble out of his nose out of panic reaction while stepping back.

Another growl from the beast and Link was running out of space to back up. Cornered, he could only think of one thing… striking back.

The bubble, this time carefully produced and aimed, hit the Hiploop right in the eye, one-hit-KOing it into submission. Out of annoyance, Link kicked it to the side, but he forgot that under them was a pool of poison.

"Ugh! Damn! Dammit, Link!" Tatl complained after the intensified putrid odor made its way into her nostrils.

 _M-Maybe I should keep my lid on…_

The path to the temple altar followed the same course of claiming Deku Flowers from Mad Scrubs and defeating Hiploops - this time, their corpses kept on the ground, because nostrils can only take so much - until they reached the final platform and stepped in its wooden surface. Aside from the carnavalesque decorations around the top, there was a line of four pots at the back, a Deku Flower at the front, and a circular platform at the center. But other than that, it was a very small and crammed altar.

"Link, there's something drawn in this platform here."

"Yeah, it says… 'D...e…' Wait. 'DeKuz SuCk'?"

"Not that! Here, in the middle!"

"Oh! Um… It's a Deku. And something written below it… 'Play the Sonata of Awakening'. Huh?"

"The Sonata of Awakening. Now that's something very ominous."

"Maybe it's the song that the monkey taught me? He did say it would lift the temple."

"Well, whip out your tubes then!"

 _I will spare you from the contempt of rushing me this time because "whip out your tubes" sounded awesome._ "Alright, here goes..."

Link stepped in the platform and played the melody he learned from the monkey, and though he flubbed up the notes a couple of times, eventually he caught on and the song carried far, far away.

Soon enough, everything rumbled around our heroes and the water level started to rise dangerously, with a mysterious shape in the middle of the pool. Then, from within, a very majestic building, looking like a pyramid of sorts but with a square top, rose. The top had a two-branch tree with - figures - no leaves, and near the top section, a platform and a door, welcoming people to the temple.

Waiting for all the poisoned water to roll down the temple's structure, Link and Tatl stood in awe of what just happened.

"W-Wow..." Tatl managed to say under her breath, "This was seriously amazing."

"I even forgot about the smell for a minute there..." Link replied, amazed.

"So this is the cursed temple where the Deku princess is being kept."

"Yep. Supposedly taken over by a tall humanshape monster."

"It can only get better, huh..."

"Well," Link said, burrowing under the Deku Flower, "No use staring, let's search the temple."

Then, he blasted upwards and floated towards the temple's entrance, Tatl following suit, and landed safely. Turning around to give Woodfall another quick look, he took a deep breath and…

 _Well… I guess I can't pretend I have a sudden stomachache, huh…_

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Woodfall Temple**

 _What's with the drums?_

Was Link's first thought as soon as he and Tatl stepped inside Woodfall Temple, tribal jungle sounds echoing into their ears. The entrance lobby was high up, with the floor below almost invisible due to the poor amount of sunlight going inside the temple, and a couple of trees stood tall in the room. Some platforms with Deku Flowers were scattered among the room, one at the far end containing a door.

"Sounds like we have our work cut out for us, Link," Tatl said.

"Can't these temples be simple for once? Why are they so complex and full of traps and rooms and whatnot?"

"Don't ask me."

"I mean, the Temple of Time back at Hyrule? Now THAT was a temple. You enter, there's this long hallway, an altar at the end and a single room at the back. Boom. End of. Then you hear about 'a temple' anywhere else and they're all like this, fucking mazes and deathtraps and enemies and floors and fake rooms and keys and-"

"Hey, hey!" Tatl interrupted The Hero of Time's endless rant, "Three days! No time to complain!"

"Mmrph... " Link held back the rest of his rant and burrowed under a flower to launch himself to the nearest platform. He landed, then proceeded to burrow himself again for the next three platforms. When he was about to reach the last one, the one with the door…

Well, guess what?

"Y-YEAAAAAARGHHHH!" Link yelled after being hit by a Skulltula, which was carefully hidden in the shadows above and lunged downwards at him when the opportunity arose.

"Seriously Link, it seems like no enemy will ever fight with you without bumping at you or surprising you first," Tatl stated, saying what Link himself had repeated countless times.

The hit made Link lose his balance and fall all the way down to the cold, hard floor, where he couldn't see too well due to the darkness.

"Grrrr… t-that seriously hurt… I feel like my back is going to start crying anytime soon."

"C'mon, you're better than that. Here, I'll light the waa-a-a-aa-a…..."

"What, Tatl? Tatl? Why did you stop mid-sente-ee-e-e-e-e..."

Both Link and Tatl were surprised to see a pair of yellow eyes amidst the blackness, but surprise gave space to fear after these pairs appeared in more numbers, indicating either a mob of terrifying dark-lurking creatures… or a ferocious hundred-eyed monster.

"I-Is this the temple's monster?!" Link asked, panicking, his voice cracking at the end of the sentence.

"I don't- Oh." Tatl stopped mid-sentence after seeing one of the pair of eyes coming forth, revealing to be not a monster, nor a terrifying creature, but a small, black, round thing which now looked almost kind of cute. "It's just a Black Boe..." she finished, sighing, half out of relief and half out of the thrill leaving her blood.

"That's as close of a heart attack as I'll ever get! Damn these creatures! I'll kill you all!" Angry Deku Link yelled as he started to madly spin around, cutting down all Black Boes with his spin attack to make up for the scare they gave him.

"Link, you're taking this temple a little too personally", Tatl said, after her huffing and puffing partner finished his bloody, murderous tantrum.

"Whatever, just… light the way and help me find a way back up," Link said.

And Tatl did just that. Eventually Link found his way back into the entrance platform, and a most convenient ladder was stuck there - he probably wasn't the first to get Skulltula'd from above - for him to get back up. Then, all he had to do was redo the whole thing again, only stopping at the last platform before the offending one. Deep in thought, Link started to think of ways to surpass the Skulltulas - two, one left and one right from the door, he could see now - without being thrown away.

 _Is there any room for me to prepare a bubble…? Nah, I don't think so. The platform's too small. Maybe if I shoot 'em from here…? Hmmm, nope. Not a chance. They're too high up. Wait, I could… hmm… no…_

"Link," Tatl said, snapping Link out of his fruitless trance, "I just thought of something!"

"Such as…?"

"What if you found some room to prepare a bubble?"

"..."

"Or! Or! You could shoot 'em from here instead!"

"..."

"Or maybe…. Um, Link? Are you listening?"

 _No._ "It's times like these when I miss my bow."

"Oh yeah, you said you had one before, didn't you?"

"Well, sort of," Link said, conveniently hiding the fact that in his (earlier) child years he couldn't hold the bow properly and had to use a very un-heroic slingshot until he grew older, "And it helped me a lot in situations like these."

"Oh. Well, you'll have to figure something out yourself, because I highly doubt that they have a bow just lying around here in the temple."

"Yeah, I know..." _Um… the ominous feeling is back_.

Eventually Link decided to sneak from the side, behind the field of vision of the right-side Skulltula, and managed to bubble them down like he was used to. Going through the door, he and Tatl reached a huge room, which had to be the main room of the temple.

"This is probably the main room of the temple," Tatl said, repeating what I just said, "Look how wide it is."

"Indeed," Link replied, a bit too formally, "And look, more poisoned water."

They entered in a very high position, with a ramp to their left going down to ground level. At the bottom of the room, a pool of poisonous water featured a strange platform right in the middle, looking like a half-open flower with a torch in the very center. At the far right of the room, a platform - at the same level - with a staircase going up, another door, a wheel of flames on top of a treelog (how the f… nevermind) and, at ground level, another door. And, finally, still at ground level, a very irrelevant horde of vases.

"Lots of doors around here," Tatl said. "Where do we begin?"

"Well, let's drop down first," Link said, walking towards the ramp.

"Link, what are y-"

"WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link screamed, sliding belly-down on the ramp, clearly enjoying the heck out of himself until he banged his head against a Deku Baba on the floor.

 _A-Again with the bumping! I will sue everyone!_

After cutting down the offending plant, Link entered the next room through a(nother) door behind him. It was another poison-pool room, but with a confusing mess of wooden bridges running above the pool, a door to the left and a staircase to the upper level. Standing smack dab in the meeting point of the bridges, though, was a huge grey block with the Majora's Mask logo imprinted on it.

"That trickster…!" Tatl muttered, making the connection to the Skull Kid all too instantaneously, as if he had already done this sort of thing before.

"Is that the best you can come up with? 'Trickster'?"

"Stop picking on my vocabulary and start pushing that block!"

"Don't rush me!"

Link started pushing the block forwards like he was used to do - despite the block being at least twice as heavy as him - and, in so doing, he managed to take a right and proceed. After defeating another Skulltula, they both stopped in front of a lit torch with some insects flying over it.

"What are those, fire butterflies?" Link asked, staring at the small creatures.

"I guess... I've never seen something like that", Tatl replied, genuinely intrigued at them.

 _Well, so much for my floating encyclopedia._ "Okay, never mind, let's just light this Deku Stick and-"

As soon as Link turned around with his Deku Stick lit (yeah yeah, chill out 4th graders, I meant the wooden stick), he felt three very severe bites on the back of his head and neck. Turns out, the insects were actually very protective of fire - and they would follow fire around and bite people, much like those flies that gather around lamps on summer.

There was only one way out of that mess.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Link screamed, while running towards a door in front of him - the one which was left from the entrance - and going through it.

"So brave of you, Hero of Time," Tatl teased.

"T-To hell with you!" Link snapped, then looked around the room. Two trees covered in vines, a couple of Deku Flowers strewn around and three Dragonflies decorated the place. Nothing too interesting, right?

"Dead end. Figures," Link said.

"Link! Watch out!"

As Tatl finished yelling, Link instinctively dodged to the side just in time to avoid one of the Dragonflies' electric tail whip.

"Motherf- come back here!" Link yelled, chasing after the Dragonfly, which put some distance between it and Link to prepare the next attack. Link burrowed under a nearby flower, waiting for the creature to lunge; and, luckily, another one of the Dragonflies decided to join its buddy and gang up on our hero.

 _The more the_ _merrier_ , he thought before blasting upwards and killing off both insects in one fell swoop. The remaining Dragonfly, however, wasn't intimidated, and as soon as it noticed Link, it zoomed towards him. Another swift blow of the Deku Flower liftoff and one more on the count towards Dragonfly extinction.

Suddenly, as soon as the last creature's lifeless body hit the floor, a chest appeared.

"Hm, they're still using the old 'appearing chest' thing...?" Link mused.

"What, you think it's bad?"

"Of course! In this day and age we use Wi-Fi, duh! Why not set a hotspot here and have us download the item via Dropbox or s-"

Tatl opened the chest before Link could say any more and threw the item at his face, cutting his sentence short.

"OW! What was that f- hey," he paused, looking at the item - a round, blue object with a glass face, featuring an arrow pointing north, "What's this?"

"A compass," Tatl replied while Link fumbled around with it, "It lets us see the locations of chests and items on the map."

"And where's the map?"

"... Oh."

"Ha! Guess you're not that bright yourself, fairy."

A bump to Link's head and both fairy and boy went through the door, back to the poisoned pool.


	16. Chapter 16: Temper, Temper

**A/N:** Writing temple sections is WAY harder than I thought it would be, even with my vividly fresh memory of the structure, object placement, and chain of events. It doesn't help that Woodfall Temple is more or less the same for every single room. Sigh. Just wait until I have to describe certain other temples…

 **Disclaimer:** Well it's been a while since I wrote this seriously so here goes: I do not own any of the places, characters and plot devices listed below, nor those affiliated with the Majora's Mask franchise in general; they're all Nintendo's property.

Also, I'm a horse with human legs.

* * *

Chapter 16: Temper, Temper

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Woodfall Temple**

We left our heroes at quite the juncture in the last chapter. Link and Tatl found a Compass within the temple walls, and with it, they became able to pinpoint the exact location of item chests and other important markers. However, in order to do that, they needed a map - which they lacked. So, this means that our legendary duo of monster busters are in for some more aimless wandering.

"Well, we haven't climbed the stairs yet," Tatl reminded Link, who looked forward to see the staircase leading to the upper level of the room.

"Okay then, let's get going... hey," Link stopped mid-climb, looking forward to see three platforms and an entrance sealed by what looked like a very thick web, "Is that..?"

"Skulltulas, yes. They tend to leave webs to block off entrances sometimes, as a means of protection."

"I wonder what they're trying to protect with this? It looks like Spiderman trying to hide his porn or something."

"... More importantly," Tatl said, ignoring whatever it was that Link just spitted out, "We can't go through it just by using your body's weight. We'll have to find another way to break through... Link? Hey, Link? Where'd you g-"

"Way ahead of ya," Link said, holding a lit Deku Stick and jumping from one platform to another until he reached the web, which was promptly burned off, revealing the path ahead.

"Ok, there's two Skulltulas hiding up there..." Tatl said, and Link turned into a Deku to blast them off, "And another staircase."

"Huh. If we keep climbing stairways like this, we'll be in Heaven soon enough."

"..."

"Ha! Get it? Because it's Stairway to H-"

"You're being as funny as watching ice melt today."

"S-Sorry." _I guess the ice is your very soul!_

Climbing the stairs, our heroes reached what could be called the "upper level" of the temple, where they originally came from. Ahead of them was a corridor, but…

"Tatl, it's pitch black in here! I can't see a thing," Link said, taking his Deku Mask off.

"Hrrrrrmmmm... gah, it's no use..." Tatl said, forcing her body to shine more brightly but failing to beat the blackness surrounding them both.

"Well let's keep moving, maybe there's some sort of light ahead."

"Yeah. Keep close to the wall and use it as a guide so that we won't get lost."

"OK, I'm going t- Whoa! Y-You!" Link stopped after a small pair of yellow eyes appeared in front of him. He slashed the space ahead of him with his sword, and the dying noise that was heard from the creature confirmed that, yes, it was another Black Boe.

 _These... these THINGS won't leave me alone!_

Our brave heroes continued walking forward, Link strifing alonside the walls to feel his way while Tatl shed light ahead of them. Soon, the corridor led into a wider area, and the wall curved left.

"Look!" Tatl said, flashing slightly in joy, "A torch!"

"It's only lighting around it, Tatl. I still can't see a th-" Link tried to say, but another horde of Black Boes attacked him. "OH MY GOD!" He screamed, "WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! JESUS F- I'LL- I'M GONNA- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

 _I HATE YOU ALL!_

Tatl just stood there, watching as Link, once again, lost his temper at reasonably small provocation. The mildest obstacles were setting him off ever since they came into the swamp; she, too started to feel like some sort of superior power was at play here, silently toying with his emotions. Not hers, mind you - she's just this much of an asshole normally.

"Huff... huff... huff..." Link was breathing heavily after finishing the Boes off. _T-That'll... teach them... huff…_

"Link, I hope you realize that fighting this violently will only hinder you and leave you open to any counterattacks."

"I-I... I don't know, okay?! I can't help it, these goddamn creatures keep popping up and..."

"Whatever, Link. Look, there's another torch over here, close to the wall. Light it, please."

 _You interrupt me while I'm venting only to rush me again like usual. Somehow I wish I wasn't so soft around fairies._

After lighting the other torch, Link realized there were more of them around the room, which was circular. After the last torch was lit, they heard a metallic noise; something being removed, or lifted.

"Gah! Tatl! The iron bars on that door suddenly lifted themselves!" Link said.

"Wait, we've seen like a thousand of those and you're only noticing it NOW?"

"I... I never thought too much about it."

"How?!"

 _Because my former partner wasn't so bossy and did all the thinking for me?_

"Anyway, Link," Tatl changed the subject, "Let's go through the door."

And so they did. Link and Tatl were inside a very big room, at upper level; moving platforms with Deku Flowers on them were directly ahead, while down below, the floor was unstable and many square holes were spread around. Judging by the route which our heroes took, these holes probably would be above the main room of the temple, but they were so dark that you couldn't see a thing below. Falling through was probably not the brightest idea.

"Well, shall we?" Link said, then jumped on the nearest platform and put his Deku Mask on.

"Link, beware of those Dragonflies over there," Tatl said while Link floated to the next platform, and sure enough, a couple of Dragonflies did their rounds around a nearby tree.

"We can probably avoid them, no need to go into combat in a ground like this."

"Is that _fear_ I smell?"

 _No, it's three days without taking a shower._ "I'm tired, okay? I just had a temper tantrum. You think it's easy to have temper tantrums?"

"At least you acknowledge it," Tatl said, while Link waited on the current moving platform to meet another, completing an "L" route through the room.

"There's no winning an argument against you, is there?" Link said, disembarking on the other side of the room, in a stable platform that hosted a staircase going down.

After descending, our heroes found themselves back at the main room, but higher; they could see the poisoned pool, the strange flower, the wheel of flames and everything, but more importantly…

"Hey, a switch!" Link said, a bit too excitedly, and stepped on it, hands on his hips and a winning smile on his face.

…

Two minutes passed and nothing happened.

 _Huh? Is it malfunct-_

"Yo, idiot," Tatl said, cutting his thoughts, "You're still wearing the Deku Mask."

"Oh? Oh! Oh ho ho! I, uh... was... testing your observational skills...!" _Dammit!_

After removing his Deku Mask and ridding himself of the short and very light Deku body, Link - now in his original height and weight - pressed down the button, revealing a pair of stairs leading right below, both on his standpoint and on another platform to the east, near the wheel of flames.

Behind him, Link could see a door, which he promptly opened. The next room was a fairly simple one; they entered on the upper level, which contained the door they came in, another one to the east, and one more at the west side of the room; though that one had no path leading to it. Below them, more poisoned swamp, four strange-looking lilypads arranged in a square shape, a Deku Flower smack dab in the middle, and two opposing platforms on the north and south walls, both containing doors.

"Hey... is that an eye I see right below that door over there?" Tatl asked, looking straight at the lone platform with the western door. Indeed, there was some sort of ornament onto the middle of the platform that resembled an eye.

"Strange..." Link mused.

"What's strange?"

"I know what these are - or at least I knew, back in Hyrule," he explained, "These were switches. I remember shooting arrows on the middle of the eye to trigger them."

"Huh. Well, you said you had a bow, right?"

"Right, but I don't have it with me, like I told you." _Nevermind that stupid slingshot…_

"Hmmm... maybe a Deku Bubble?"

"Nah," Link denied Tatl's logic quickly, "Those things will only open with something solid stuck inside them. Bubbles aren't en- what's with that face?"

"Hahaha... 'something solid stuck inside them'..."

 _My god. And she tells me I'M the imature one!_

Giving up on the switch for now, our heroes entered the eastern door, which was accessible. Upon entering, they came across a dead end; the room was just like the Dragonfly one, where they found the Compass, but empty.

"Gnnrh. Dead end," Link stated, mildly annoyed.

"You know, there's no need to get so miffed. We still have a lot of time to investi-"

* * *

 **Day 1, Evening, Woodfall Temple**

"...gate?" Tatl's phrase was interrputed by the loud howl of a wolf (nevermind that they're neck deep into the temple and still can hear a wolf screaming from far away) indicating that night was already making herself comfortable. Worse than that, as if waiting for the night to settle in, a surprise arrived for our temple scavenging buddies…

"DINOLFOS!"

Link's scream was overlayed by a sharp lizard screech. As our Hero of Time rolled to the side, a lizard warrior dropped to the ground, standing on its two legs and wielding a large blade with its right hand. These were the Dinolfos, a proud warrior race with amazing fighting skills strikingly similar to Link's.

"W-What in the..." Tatl stuttered, scared from the Dinolfos looking at them from above.

"T-This isn't like the Dinolfos I used to fight," Link said, "Their armor looks different, the blade is bigger, and... AAAAAAAAH!"

Link jumped backwards when he was surprised by these alternate-dimension Dinolfos' newfound power: spitting fire. The lizard exhaled a fiery breath around it and then prepared itself to attack, sidestepping closer and closer to Link, its blade close to it - apparently, it served quite well as a shield of sorts.

Link shook his body to scare the tension away and started to move similarly to the Dinolfos, trying to maintain a good angle of attack while keeping his distance at the same time. They stared at each other's eyes, trying to read their minds, find any sign of weakness...

"FUCK THE LIZARD PEOPLE!"

Tatl screamed some random conspiracy profanity, startling the Dinolfos and making it look to her. As soon as his enemy turned, Link struck, stabbing its shoulder.

 _Nice one._ He thought to himself, giving Tatl a thumbs-up, but then jumping to the side by pure reflex; the foe was already on its feet again, and spat some more fire towards Link. He lunged forward to strike, but the lizard seemed more awake than ever; it blocked the hit with its blade, then blocked again when Link tried a second strike. Then, it jumped over Link and tried to slash at his back, but Link caught up to its plan and rolled forward, slashing its ankle in the process.

"W-Wow!" Tatl reacted, glued to the action. Link may piss her off 99% of the time, but like was previously stated, if there's one thing Link's good at... it's battling. The already debilitated Dinolfos was red in the face now, leaving defense behind and going at it, jump-slashing Link, who kept dodging and blocking with his shield.

 _D-Damn, that lizard's the one having a tantrum! Hold on, Link, you can do this, don't let it slash you... yes, I just need an opening... keep dodging and it'll tire out event- NOW!_

Just as Link thought, the Dinolfos eventually felt the fatigue from his unfruitful barrage of slashes, as well as its two very serious wounds. Its latest attack came out much slower and with less impetus, leaving Link with room to parry its blade with his much smaller sword and deliver the final blow:

A kick to the groin.

"... Seriously?" Tatl said, like she had seen a great movie with the most stupid ending ever.

As the Dinolfos lay on the ground with both its health and dignity gone, a huge chest appeared in the middle of the room.

 _Again?_

"Well, let's open it! Maybe it's the map!" Tatl cheered up.

"I hope so. It's too hard to explore things without knowing where to go."

"Open it then!"

"Don't rush me, damn it," Link said, opening the chest. After seeing what was inside, his expression changed.

 _Oh... T-This…_

"What, Link? Is it the map?"

"No..."

"No?! It's not?!"

"Nope."

"W-What the... Well, what is then?!"

Link turned to her partner's direction and showed the item to her. "... It's the Hero's Bow!"

 _I am going to be kicking some serious ass in this temple._

* * *

 **A/N:** Wheeeeew, took me long enough! We're at halfway point, I guess. Hopefully the temple's boss is my writer's block and Link is going to beat the living crap out of it.

Don't let me down, Hero of Time.


	17. Chapter 17: You Spin Me Right Round

**A/N:** If only I had vacations forever. And was rich. And didn't have to sleep. I'd be able to write without this silly "Life" thing getting in the way! I know I keep reviving this near-dead fic time and time again pretending it was updated yesterday, but in the end, we're all just Hylians, man.

Anyway, we're getting closer to the end of the temple, people. Fasten your seatbelts and equip your tunics!

 **Disclaimer:** Nothing in this fic but my twisted mind and sense of humor belong to me.

* * *

Chapter 17: You Spin Me Right Round

* * *

 **Day 1, Evening, Woodfall Temple**

Have you ever heard the expression, "to shoot for the stars"?

Because that's what Link and the Hero's Bow love to do. With his legendary ranged weapon in hand, our Hero of Time could bullseye anything in his field of view, be it an enemy, a target or even the goddamn _sun_. The necessity of arrows had been on our protagonists' minds for quite a while now, so of course they were ecstatic about it, but Link much moreso than Tatl.

The reason goes way back.

 _Now... I can finally... show them all...!_

Link readied an arrow and shot towards Tatl, purposely missing by an inch or two.

"GAAAAAAAAAH! Ah! Link?! What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?!" Tatl panicked, still feeling the sharp wind that hit her when the arrow passed close by.

"As I thought," Link stated, "My aim's just as good as it was before! I knew it, I was right, I never needed that slingshot in the first place! I'm-"

"Wait, a slingshot?" Tatl asked, then started laughing, "You had a _SLINGSHOT_?"

"Gah! I- um- s-shut up! I'll shoot you again!"

"Gah! Alright, jeez!" Tatl quickly retracted her teasing, then murmured, "… can't take a damn joke..."

 _One of these days, I'll put an apple on top of your head._

After leaving the room and going back to the previous one, Link remembered about something that they had almost forgotten.

"Oh! The switch!"

"Oh! What about it?" Tatl asked.

Link slapped his face and answered the obvious: "Tatl. The switch. Arrows."

"What do you mean?"

"What do YOU mean, 'what do I mean'? I mean we shoot arrows inside it!"

"But why?"

 _Oh, fuck me._ Link groaned. " _BECAUSE_ , _STUPID_ , we need to stick something firmly inside the hole in the middle to open it- oh. Oh no."

Tatl was dying of laughter again.

 _I hate this stupid Russian fairy. I really do._

"Oh my god... I knew that if I asked enough you'd say that again... whew... haha... okay. Go ahead."

Grumbling, Link shot an arrow into the hole. After hitting the mark, the eye closed and the Deku Flower platform in the middle of the poison pool shook, then started to move upwards, until it reached upper level height; then, after a few seconds, it went down again.

"Seems like we activated some sort of elevator," Link said.

"Well, I'd say we cross it to the other side, but..."

"... But?"

"Look at the door," Tatl said, looking at the western door, now opposite to them, "It has, like, lit torches on each side and all that... kinda screams 'important', no?"

"Um... I don't follow you, but I do feel like we need to take a break from any more 'surprises'. Let's take the platform to the lower level and check out those doors, then."

"Um, that one leads back to the main room, I'm pretty sure."

"Right, so let's see the other one," Link finished, jumping onto the platform and putting on his Deku Mask.

Now at "ground" level, Link went east and opened the door to the unexplored room, only to find himself on the same situation from the Compass room; three scattered Deku Flowers adorned the ground, while three enemies roamed the perimeter. In this case, however, the enemies were Snappers.

"... It's like they _want_ us to save the temple," Link said while burrowing underground to take out the first Snapper.

"I don't know," Tatl said, almost at the same time as the scream of agony from the second Snapper dying, "Maybe it's on purpose? Like, to make _someone here_ a bit overconfident and such?"

"I'm not-" Link stopped mid-sentence to slaughter the final Snapper, then continued, "I'm not overconfident, I just know an easy temple when I see one."

"You sure do know a lot about these temples..."

"Hero of Time, baby".

A few moments after beating the Snappers to a pulp, a chest appeared in the middle of the room, just like on the previous occasion.

 _Let's see... what's inside, what's insIIIAIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

"Link! Oh my god, you stupid... Take the mask off before jumping onto a chest!"

"Mmmf!" Link managed to say, in a very awkward posture, after falling inside the chest.

"Here, let me help your stupid ass..."

"Whew, thanks. Um," Link finally looked at what he found inside, and then lit up. "It's the map!"

"About time!" Tatl beamed. "It's usually normal procedure to find the map first before exploring a temple, but this one took us a damn century."

 _*mumble* *mumble* "You sure do know a lot about temples"..._ "Well, now we've hit the mother lode here. Shall w-"

* * *

 **Day 2, Morning, Woodfall Temple**

 _How does that Cuckoo manage to be so loud?_

"Link!" Tatl bumped against the daydreaming hero, then continued to read the map. "Well, now we can go two ways. We're going up, first of all, back to the first floor. Then, we can either go to that torch-lit door with the switch..."

"... Or we can go to the door to the right of that one, which leads back into the main room, but on a new platform."

"So, which is it?"

"Hmmm... Let's go to the torch-lit door. We did plan on checking that room out."

And, as they planned, Link and Tatl rose to the first floor with the elevator and went through the suspicious door. Inside, the room looked just like the other ones - like a contained ecosystem, but bigger, with one or two more trees and Deku Flowers. In the back of the room, metal bars and a locked door concealed a yellow-and-blue chest that looked much larger than any other chest in the temple.

"Tatl, you think this is...?"

"Yep," Tatl answered before Link could finish, "That's the Big Key right there. Opens up the boss' lair in this temple."

"Huh. And the door's locked. I wonder what we'll have to dooooOoOoOoo..."

"Link?!"

" **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!** "

Surprising both Link and Tatl, a small, red, frog-like monster emerged with a sharp cry. Link pulled his sword out, but struggled to keep up with the frog, who was using the environment to its advantage by jumping and skipping very fast.

 _Damn it, you...! Get back here!_

"Hey! Idiot!" Tatl gently called. "You have a _bow_! How about you _use it!_ "

 _Oh!_ "You're right! Take... THIS!"

The first arrow hit true, making the frog stop on its tracks and flinch. Before it could recover, the second arrow hit even truer, and while it was on the ground, the third arrow hit with more truth than the fact that your mom called me last night to take care of her "Nayru's Love".

"Ok, now why don't you come here and have a nice little sword meal... huh?"

" **YAAA..AAAAAA! HYAAAAA!** "

"Why does it have to scream so loud?!"

"Tatl, behind you!"

"AAAAAAAH!"

Dodging at the last moment, Tatl turned around to see a Snapper that came dashing from behind the walls. It ran to the aid of its amphibious comrade, which promptly climbed on top of his shell.

"Oh no..." Tatl said.

"Oh crap..."

"Are they going to..."

"... use a..."

" **YYYY...HYAAAAAAA!** _ **GEODUDE!**_ "

 _G-Geodude? Of all t- GAH!_ "... COMBO ATTAAAAAAAAACK?!" Link and Tatl said in unison.

The spinning noise of a raging frog-Snapper combo almost rendered Link deaf, but he jumped to the side in time to see the enemy crash loudly and strongly into the wall.

 _Whew... nothing like turning your opponent's strength and momentum against th- oh fuck no._

Before Link could celebrate, the two creatures spun away from the wall like it was no big deal and started charging their second strike on Link.

" **YYYY...HYAAAAAAA!** _ **GEODUDE!**_ "

"Stop calling Geodude!" Link screamed, while running to take cover. _But wait a minute... Geodude... Geodude's a Rock/Ground type of Pokémon... and it's... weak to…_

"Link... oh my god! Link! Dodge it!"

 _... PLANTS!_

As the Snapper took off, Link put on his Deku Mask as fast as lightning and burrowed under the first Deku Flower he could see. Since the attack relied mostly on momentum, the frog had to aim the Snapper very carefully before attacking, because if it missed, then it wouldn't be able to stop, turn or change directions during the attack.

Which is why, at that precise moment, both creatures had their eyes widened up in horror.

After hiding himself, Link had only to wait for the spinning noise to indicate their position above him, and as soon as the inevitable chance presented itself, he launched upwards with might.

 _C-c-c-c-c-combobreaker!_

The Snapper somehow didn't instantly die, but was severely crippled and turned on its shell.

"Wow..." Tatl managed to utter, speechless. Yet again, the stupid boy who uses Pokémon as factual logic manages to hatch an ingenious battle plan, on the spot, based only on his fighting instincts. And, yet again, the fairy started to realize how much her opinion of him has been changing after realizing what is this little kid's place in the world.

"And where do _you_ think you're going?!" Link said, removing the Deku Mask and readying his bow after seeing the frog scramble away. It started to climb the wall, doing its best to put distance between it and Link, but our hero wasn't taking any of that today.

A sling, a zoom and a pow later, the final arrow pierced the frog, who let out one last anguished scream before shrinking onto the water and... turning into a normal frog. Because that's logical.

 _What the... isn't that one of those frogs I saw in Clock Town?_

"Link, if you're quite done with the Animal Planet segment!" Tatl sighed, annoyed, floating beside the now unlocked door to the Big Key.

"Um, sorry. Ok, let's see... There you go!"

Now with the Big Key in tow, our friends left the room and made for the only unexplored area thus far; the upper platform of the main room.

"Hey... Link?"

"Huh? What is it, Tatl?"

"I've been meaning to tell you... I think you've changed a bit, y'know, as a person."

"Um... what?"

"I mean," Tatl stuttered a bit, but carried on, "Don't get me wrong, you're still dumb as hell, but... these past few days, you've acted a little more... hero-like, especially when you battle. You've been taking the lead in some parts of the exploration, and even coming up with coherent plans..."

 _Now that's got to be the most backhanded piece of..._ "Tatl, are you going somewhere with this?"

"I just feel a little proud, that's all."

"Proud?" Link asked, thinking this was all a bit strange. "Um… well, if you say so... Oh, the door's open. Let's go!"

Tatl was feeling much more nervous after saying what she said, but that's because, while in the middle of her praising, she came to realize something.

The boy she's been calling dumb, stupid, incapable, and also the boy who's doing all of the actual work in the temple, pushing every obstacle aside and slaughtering all enemies... who's been afflicted by some sort of anger issue ever since he stepped into Woodfall and shows no sign of handling his emotions all that well...

... He is only a child.

And he bears the responsibility of a thousand warriors squarely upon his shoulders with a smile on his face - well, most of the time, anyway. He fights for people like it's playtime for him, he enters gargantuan dungeons and faces ugly monsters and crack jokes at them instead of running in fear, he deals with things that he shouldn't be dealing with until he was well over sixteen years old…

Just a child, and he's trying his hardest to be an adult for this unknown parallel dimension who doesn't even know who exactly he is.

 _Link... I... I'll watch over you, Link. I promise._

* * *

 **A/N:** Whooooa, what's with all the emotion, right?

I had some trouble writing Gekko in a way that would make it an actual, talking character, so I ended up deciding to turn it into a nameless screeching enemy and went with that. Also, for whoever's wondering (everyone, I think) about the whole "Geodude" thing: this temple, and I don't think I'm the only one who noticed it, has two enemies that cry something "akin" to a Pokémon name. Gekko, right before spinning towards you, cries something that I've always heard as "Geodude" (YES, I KNOW IT'S NOT ACTUALLY GEODUDE GUYS. I'M NOT _THAT_ STUPID). And the temple's boss has quite a bit of cries, but I'll be damned if the first one doesn't sound at least a bit like "Quila-va... Quila-va..."

Anyway, let me know your thoughts, if you agree, disagree, think I'm a fucking nutcase, or whatever. See y'all next chapter, when we end this temple once and for all! (about damn time too. I hate writing temples)


	18. Chapter 18: The Legendary Super Fairy

**A/N:** Ladies and gentleman, at long last, the final chapter of Woodfall Temple! We are on a roll here and I'm really looking forward to writing some funny between-chapters filler action after having to describe this temple. Before we begin, mad props to the people sticking with me through hiatuses and writer's blocks. We'll finish this guys, even if it takes a century! Here's to a good season finale for all of us!

Disclaimer: I may not actually take a whole century to finish this fic, as the male life expectancy ratings in my country contradict said affirmation

* * *

Chapter 18: The Legendary Super Fairy

* * *

 **Day 2, Afternoon, Woodfall Temple**

Standing in the newfound upper level platform, the first thing that Link noticed was the presence of a familiar setup - at least to him. From his vantage point, he could see the entirety of the main area, pool and flowers included, and the big wooden flower with the unlit torch. But, more importantly…

"Hey, Tatl, there's a torch in front of us."

"Yes, and?"

"It's very conveniently lined up with the unlit torch down below there, in that big platform."

"Huh, what do you know."

"So..."

"So...?"

 _Geez, fairy._ "So I say we shoot an arrow right through the flame and light up that torch down there!"

"Link, that's a bad idea. First of all, you don't know if the arrow's gonna be still on fire by the time it reaches the goal. Second, if you miss by even an inch, you hit the platform, and guess what, it's made from wood, which means you'll fuck everything up. Thirdly, I don't th-"

Tatl's monologue was interrupted by the sound of an arrow being shot, right through the first torch, into the second, and hitting the mark almost impeccably.

"But... h-how...?!" Tatl gaped, flabbergasted.

"You can talk the talk, but you can't... shoot the... y'know... the arrow..." _That sounded WAY better in my head._

"What's happening now?"

Seconds after lighting the torch up, the structure started to move upwards, its "petals" now wide open, reaching Link and Tatl's height. As soon as it reached maximum height, it started spinning in place, and the purple water that infested the entire temple was now being dissipated, pure water spreading from within. Soon enough, no poison was seen, no foul stench smelled in the air. The temple was clean.

"Hey!" Link noticed the change, and was the first to speak up. "We cleared the water! Look!"

"We sure did! Do you think it's also clear outside?"

"We should check on it after we're done here."

"There's more?"

"Did you forget our promise to the monkey already? To find the Deku princess before his cousin's fried to death?"

"Damn... I was so sure you'd forgotten that by now..."

"I am the Hero of Time. I never forget to help people." _Except if they ask me for money. Get a job, losers!_

"Right..." Tatl interjected. "Well, looking at the map, there's still one room we haven't checked out yet. It's across from us, and there are no stairs or ramps leading to it."

"Way ahead of ya," Link said, jumping to the spinning platform.

Noticing the door ahead, Link could see it was closed off. He lied down, to avoid getting dizzy or losing his balance, and started checking out the surrounding area for any switches or gadgets that could remove the bars.

"Hey, Link, you know what would be very crazy?" Tatl asked.

 _An alternate dimension with people I know._ "What?"

"If you had to do the same puzzle twice, but the second time was stupider."

"What are you talking about?"

"This." She floated, flashing green, to yet another unlit torch in the room, this time on a wooden branch off to the side.

"Oh, come on."

"Yep."

"And that other torch I shot from is too far, right?"

"Right."

"So I'll have to shoot an arrow from this spinning platform."

"That's right."

"Standing up."

"Ayyyyyup."

"And I have to time it just right or I set many things on fire."

"You sure do."

 _... What is this temple for, anyway? Do I have to shoot 10 arrows into a torch every time I want to pray for a B+ in my next test, or to wish for the cute girl to go with me to prom?_

After taking around 10 minutes to make sure he had the angle, distance and all other accounts factored in just right, Link shot an arrow straight through the flames of the central torch and lit the other one, opening the door with a satisfactory smile in his face.

"Ok, Tatl, let's go."

"Zzzzz-whuh? Huh? Mom?"

Link bumped Tatl in the head and went through the door, thinking to himself.

 _God, this feels amazing. Now I know why she does it._

Our heroes, then, finally reached the last unexplored portion of Woodfall Temple. It was a sort of majestic altar, it felt like - or something of an audience chamber. Right to each side of our heroes as the entered, there were ten alcoves - five to each side, all going up the wall - that looked a lot like a seating gallery. To the front, two large platforms, one with a Deku Flower and one with a crystal. More to the center, two totems with their top on fire, one featuring a Deku Flower amidst the flames (go figure). Much farther, and higher, ahead, was a huge door with an equally huge lock and chains through it.

"The princess has to be around here," Tatl said. "And we'll find her."

"I see a crystal up there," Link noted, "But if I shoot it from here I won't reach the Deku Flower in time."

"Huh? What are you babbling about?"

"You don't know? Geez, you're supposed to be my flying Wikipedia here. It's a timer crystal. You hit it, it lights up, a clock starts ticking - don't ask me from where, I lost too many nights of sleep thinking about it - and you have until it stops to do whatever the crystal has allowed you to do. In this case, it probably stops the flames up there."

"... I hate you."

"Yeah, yeah, haters gonna h-OW!"

"You don't get to say overused memey lines around here." Tatl said, bumping Link in the head and trying to figure out a route to get closer to the crystal. After looking around enough, she found that the fifth alcove to the left had a Deku Flower, and was also high enough to ensure that Link would land onto the left platform, right across from the crystal one.

Link did just that, putting on his Deku Mask after getting to the alcove. He landed safely onto the left platform and, standing on a vantage point, shot an arrow into the crystal. It lit up, clock ticking and all, while the flames on the totems died out. After that, it was a simple matter of flying up to the big door.

"This... is the monster's lair, isn't it?" Link asked, facing the enormous golden lock.

"Yep. And to be fair, it figures. We searched the entire temple, found no princess, and the only place left is this one. Of course she was gonna be with the monster. We should've realized it sooner."

"I... was kinda hoping she'd be somewhere else and we could hightail it outta here."

"You scared?!"

"Hey! N-no! I mean, it's j-just..."

* * *

 **FLASHBACK**

 _"A m-monster?"_

 _"I didn't get to see it very well, but it was huge. Human-shaped, slim, but very tall. He took the princess and knocked me the fuck away right to this palace's doorstep."_

 **FLASHBACK**

* * *

"... Okay, yeah, I might be a little scared," Link admitted.

"So much for always helping people, huh, Mr. Hero of Time?"

"Right. Let's... just... do this, then."

With a clunk and a thump, Link opened the door by using the Big Key, and the last room of the temple was visible at last. Just a huge, empty chamber, with its wooden walls adorned by beautiful drawings and patterns. The floor, a nice assortion of colors, with a yellow Deku Flower in the middle, just like that one in Clock Town with the Deku abuser. Along the circular walls, some Bomb Flowers could be found, which are pretty self-explanatory; bombs that grow on plants. Why not?

"Princess? Are you in there?" Tatl asked, going inside.

"Tatl, don't just enter like that, I was getting ready t-"

Link's line was cut short by the sharp sound of bars coming down, closing off the door they just went through in.

"Oh, great."

"Link, do you hear that?"

"I think I do, are these drums?"

"I don't know, they're a bit quiet... now they're getting louder..."

"Yep, definitely drums, I can hear them now... and it's... OH MY GOD!"

As the jungle drums got more and more clear to our heroes' ears, a towering figure fell from the skies, landing squarely on its feet. Human-shaped, like the monkey described, the temple's monster had its nearly naked body covered in tattoos and war-like paintings, resembling primal combat. It also was armed with a huge, diamond-shaped green shield and an equally huge, sharp-looking broadsword. Its face was hidden, covered by a scary mask, with black, hollow eye sockets, a pointed smile and feathers protruding from the top part.

This, ladies and gentlemen, was…

 **MASKED JUNGLE WARRIOR**

 **ODOLWA**

And it was _pissed off_.

"Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" Link yelled, running for dear life, only to be grabbed by the collar.

"YOU, Hero of Time, are going to battle this thing. Okay? No running!"

 _Easy for you to say, you yellow Pokédex!_

Odolwa started chanting in the middle of the room, squatting a bit, slowly waving its sword about as it stared down at our quarreling heroes. Its voice came out of the mask a bit robotic, like it was coming from a radio speaker, but the echo in the chamber made it very chilling nonetheless. Combine that with a freakish mask staring down at you, and it was like Odolwa didn't even have to attack to win this battle.

As he looked around to try and find something, Link decided to go to the monster, since it would do nothing but chant and intimidate. He readied his bow and arrow and was about to shoot…

... When Odolwa just jumped up and vanished.

And landed right behind Link.

"GAH! WHY-" Link screamed his lungs out in fear, but Odolwa used its right leg to sweep Link and kicked him away with the other leg, knocking him into the wall.

"Link! Are you okay?!"

"The hell do you think?!" was the Kokiri's response. "He just... ow... he knocked me across the room! This guy's the real deal!"

"Use the flower, Link!"

"You're right!" He realized, and, after putting the Deku Mask, ran towards the yellow Deku Flower. Odolwa just kept doing its thing, though now it had changed the chanting and pose; it looked like it was performing some sort of rain dance, but it actually made five creepy bugs fall from the ceiling.

 _Great, it can summon minions too?_ Link thought as he spin dashed between the bugs, trying to avoid confrontation; the problem was those bugs could jump and reach him very quickly, forcing him to engage them in combat while listening to Odolwa's chants.

 _This is fucking maddening!_ "Hey, Tatl?"

"Yeah?"

"I could use a little help here!"

"Link, I don't know what is this monster's weak point! It's fast, strong and has a shield that's almost its size, there's no opening!"

"Well make it stop singing then!"

"How?!"

"I don't know, just-" _Hey... I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA!_ "Tatl, go near it!"

"Um, what?!"

"GO. NEAR. THE BEAST!"

"Okay, then..." Tatl said, confused, but complying nonetheless, "Now what?"

"Greet him!"

"U-Um... H-Hey!"

"Louder!"

"HEY!"

"Now ask him to listen to you!"

"LISTEN TO ME!"

"Shorter!"

"LISTEN!"

"NOW KEEP DOING IT!"

"HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN!" Tatl kept going, and Odolwa tried to chant louder than Tatl but was clearly being overpowered in voice. Taking advantage of the confusion, Link slaughtered the bugs, ears bleeding in agony, got to the Deku Flower, and stared a bit at the scene he helped make.

 _Navi... this is for you, pal._

"LISTEN! HEY- L-Link?" Tatl said, stopping suddenly.

"What's he doing?!"

Odolwa had stopped chanting and now was just plain old bellowing from the top of its lungs, while striking a pose that made it seem like it was trying to externalize something through its stomach. A few seconds later, a huge, monstrous, fuckbucket of moths came out of... of... I'm not really sure where exactly, but out _of it_ , and they all came for Tatl.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Tatl could only scream as she frantically dashed around the room to avoid the plague like it was, well, the plague. Link, on the other hand, had just burrowed underground and launched himself into the air, Odolwa looking at him and preparing to reach for the hero.

"Take this!" Link screamed as he dropped 10 Deku Nuts in a row, but Odolwa blocked the marjority of them with its shield and jumped up, meeting Link's eyes with its own. Time stopped for a second there as Link felt nothing but sorrow and horror, and before he could scream, the monster hit him hard with the side of its weapon, making Link fall unconscious onto the ground below, mask falling off of his face and returning him to Hylian Link.

"LINK!" Tatl yelled, noticing her fallen comrade, and dashed to him. On Odolwa's command, the moths all stopped pursuing Tatl and gathered around it as it chanted some sort of mockery of Link, dancing along with the moths, creating a grotesque scene.

"Link, dammit, wake up! Please! LINK!" Tatl desperately tried to reanimate her friend, but Link didn't move an inch. She felt relief after taking his pulse and feeling quite a lot of blood pumping, but she still felt a lot of anger. Suddenly, she found herself rising slowly and turning to her mocking enemies.

" _Hey, you_!" She screamed, anger seeping through her words. The creatures all stopped and looked at her while she had her moment.

"Listen here, you bunch of ugly monsters! You think you can just waltz in here, poison everyone's water, go around kidnapping princesses and wrecking shit with no good reason other than just being evil?! Just who the hell do you all think you are? Not better than us, that's who! You're all ugly as fuck, for starters! Look at those tattoos, they make you seem like some sort of Solid Snake wannabe who just happened to be too much of a Jumanji fan to break out from it, and it ended up becoming the worst costume ever, and you got rejected 30 times in a row by all the girls at your graduation prom because of this, and-"

 _Ugh... fuck... where am I...?_

Link came to during Tatl's enraged speech, and opened his eyes despite the dull pain in his head. For a while he couldn't see anything, and all he listened to was gibberish, but soon his senses started to sharpen up and he was trying his best to stand up - to no avail, though.

 _It's just like Tatl to be this loud and talkative, Jesus Christ…_

"- but you know what the worst part is?!" Tatl was still going in, "The worst part of all this is that you came in here and you hurt. my. FRIEND!"

 _Hurt my... f-friend?_

"And you know what?! **NO ONE. NO ONE HURTS MY FRIENDS! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!** " Tatl screamed as her aura burst around her, sending everything around her flying while her yellow glow got bigger and bigger.

"I AM TATL, AND I AM THE LEGENDARY SUPER FAIRY! **HEAR! ME! WRECK! YOU!** "

The completely enraged fairy went all out against Odolwa and the moths, and she kept banging against it, the monster doing its best to defend with its shield. One by one, the moths all fell, either from taking hits of even from being exposed to Tatl's burning aura of hatred. Odolwa tried to cut her in half with a fast broadsword slash, but Tatl moved even faster and tried striking it from behind. Odolwa promptly dodged the attack by jumping up.

 _T-Tatl... wow...!_

Beyond words, Link's lips quivered as some sort of emotion took over him. Seeing Tatl go all out against Odolwa, never stopping for even a split second, making it dodge and block all the time was something he'd never expected to see - after all, he did spend most of the Woodfall trip resenting her or doubting her intentions with him. But after hearing her words, he felt stronger.

On the other hand, Tatl's aura began to shrink, fatigue taking over her as Odolwa refused to let itself be hit, even if the warrior itself was beginning to feel very tired. The fairy slipped up one moment, which was more than enough for Odolwa to pin her down and raise its weapon, maniacal laughter coming from within the mask as the blade came down crashing and split the ground in half.

Only Tatl wasn't there at all.

"You know... there's something I learned in this temple," a familiar voice said, carrying Tatl on his arms.

"L-Link...!"

"I was fighting this Dinolfos a couple rooms back, and boy did it fight well. But it made one mistake," Link turned to Tatl, "It let its rage consume it, and started to strike mercilessly and madly. This almost never works out, because you tire out rather quickly, which I took to my advantage. One of its movements came out tired and sloppy, so I parried its weapon and kicked it in the nuts."

Odolwa just stared at Link, defensive, both literally and figuratively.

"But you seem to think you're immune to it, right?" Link was talking to Odolwa now, "You've been doing nothing but chant and dance this whole time. This is just one big joke to you, because you seem to think you can't get angry. You're the master troll, you. Well you know what?"

"?" Odolwa made a questioning noise.

"I want to see you angry. You're gonna be very mad."

"...?"

"Show me your anger!" Link yelled, moving as fast as lightning, and shot an arrow right into Odolwa's mask.

A cracking noise could be heard, and a chunk of its solid, wood-made mask fell down. Silence engulfed the room for a few seconds, setting the mood for what was about to come.

Odolwa was pissed before, but now, it was _super_ pissed.

A cry of hatred and revenge came out of its lungs as roaring flames surrounded the battlefield, the stench of fried moths filling the air now. Odolwa started spinning madly in place, its broadsword sticking out, essentialy turning itself into a moving, bladed flame wheel.

"Gah! It's too fast!" Tatl said, moving backwards.

"Yeah, we need to find that opening soon, we need to tire this monster out!" Link replied, blocking with his shield.

"He'll do it himself, we just have to dodge it enough!"

"I guess!" Link said, but Odolwa wasn't giving up just yet. The flames were burning its skin, clothes and even shield as it spun madly, but it was only interested in slaughtering Link. Our hero could do nothing but block, jump and dodge as best as his body would let him, adrenaline kicking in to ignore the pain of before. As the monster got Link closer and closer to a dead end, time froze again for another second.

Odolwa's shield had burned away a lot, and its broadsword wasn't covering much space.

The flames burned its body badly, leaving it very exposed, boiling hot and sensitive.

And right beside Link was…

 _... A Bomb Flower!_

The catching and throwing of the bomb was done in a split-second, and for Odolwa, time had stopped again, or at least slowed down as it stared at the bomb coming down onto its skin.

Boom.

An enormous flame engulfed Odolwa's body, leaving it in huge pain, but more importantly, open to attacks. Now free to do whatever, Link got his sword out and slashed away at Odolwa until it was no more. The flames died down along with it as it let out one last scream, body stopped in a final pose - of course it would die posing - before completely falling down and disappearing, leaving only the mask behind.

"It's over..." Tatl said.

"Sure is... friend." Link replied, smirking.

"Oh shit, you... heard that..."

"C'mon, let's go."

"D-Don't..."

"... Huh?"

"Don't rush me."

 _... Attagirl, Tatl._

* * *

 **A/N:** And that, as they say, is that! Lots of emotion, a Dragon Ball Z reference, some laughs, dying insects... everything I love in a season finale. Hope you liked this first part of The Abridged Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and stay tuned for the post-Woodfall stuff and the next season!

That being said, something that hit me just now: as you probably know, Majora's Mask 3D included some changes to bosses (like Odolwa having a dad belly or Gyorg's fight having a second half) and added that stupid eye as the bosses' weak point or whatever. I, for one, do not like this eye addition at all and will discard it completely, but I might incorporate some of these other changes into the story. We shall see.

Alright, thank you all for reading and see ya!

* * *

 **Ladies and gentlemen, this is present day insertnamehere13 speaking.**

Alright, that was the last of the remade chapters. Hope you enjoyed this little trip through the revised version of The Abridged Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask ™ . From now on, expect all-new content right in this fic from ya boy here and I'll see you in Season 2!


	19. Chapter 19: Royal Pain

**A/N:** Aaaaand we're back for the first post-Woodfall chapter! I hope y'all are ready, because nothing is more abridged than a no-temple break between chapters. Here we go!

Also, Happy New Year, you guys!

 **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction. The characters associated with this publication are property of Nintendo, Nintendo of America and all affiliates. Please support the official release, along with the newest installment, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which is **fucking amazing** and-

* * *

Chapter 19: Royal Pain

* * *

 **Day 2, Evening, Woodfall Temple**

After burning down the whole room, many variants of the smell of smoke entered Link and Tatl's nostrils. The fight with Odowla left both of them exhausted, especially Tatl, after unlocking her true powers. This was something that Link would've never imagined - his former partner, Navi, was also a fairy, but all she ever did in his battles was offer moral support, intel and the more-than-occasional "Hey! Listen!". Seeing the spitting, yellowish image of Navi bursting in aura and going all-out on a monster twenty times her size was, indeed, very inspirational.

 _She basically went Super Saiyan after seeing me get nearly Krillin'd,_ he thought, making the obvious reference even more obvious. _I wonder if this is something she can train and use to her advantage? I don't wanna be close to dying every time I need her powers._

"Link," Tatl said, interrupting his train of thought. "There's a portal here."

Indeed, as Link was used to seeing, a blue pillar of light appeared a few yards away from him - this was a teleport out of the dungeon, usually leading to the entrance or to a safer place. Before going, though, something else caught Link's attention.

"Huh, Odolwa's mask is still here."

"You picking it up?"

"Well, everything about this damn dimension seems to be about masks," the hero said, reaching for the remnants of the monster, "Might as well go ahead and p- GAH!"

As soon as Link touched the jungle warrior's mask, it gave him a light shock and started to slowly float up.

"... _every_..." A voice could be heard faintly, along with eerie echoes.

"Shit, shit shit shit!" Tatl said, moving closer to Link, who readied his shield and sword.

"You're kidding me!"

"Do we even have any spirit left for this?!"

"... _time_ ... _still_ ... _flows_ ..."

"What is this... babbling?" Tatl asked.

"... _return_ ... _for round two_ ..."

"R-Round _two_?!" Link echoed the mask's line, eyes wide.

"... _take_ ... _remnants_... _war_ ... _wages on_..." The mask finished speaking, and fell down with a sound thud onto the rubble.

"I-Is it...?" Link said, looking cautiously at the fallen mask.

"Yeah, it's gone. What the hell was that all about?" Tatl asked, checking the mask and giving it to Link.

"I wonder what it meant by 'Round Two'. Oh well, let's press on."

Link and Tatl went for the teleport, and let themselves be engulfed by the magic, closing their eyes and focusing their attention on the blinding white light taking over their consciences. After the whole ritual, they opened their eyes to realize their destination wasn't exactly the Southern Swamp, as expected.

Instead, they stood on top of a hill, with a vast amount of nothingness around them, a thick fog below and greenish skies above, with only the sound of random cries on the distance.

"Great, now what is _this_ place?!" Link asked, scared.

"W-wow, this is... overwhelming... and very spiritual," Tatl said, looking around.

"What? 'Spiritual'?"

"Y-Yeah, you know! It feels like... y'know... spirits... gah, fuck it, I'm tired, okay?"

 _She's becoming increasingly Goku._ "Anyway, do you hear this crying and moaning? Sounds like someone stepped on a nail or something."

"Yeah, I hear it, sounds like someone - something - is calling out for us, but where? The echoes point me to a thousand direct- oh."

"Why did you stop mid-sent- oh."

The reason why both our heroes stopped their sentences halfway through was bec- oh.

* * *

 **Day: ?, Time: ?, Place: ?**

... damn it, it's contagious. Anyway, it was because, after looking around themselves, their eyes met with a giant, tall, taller-than-Odolwa figure towering over them, with enormous and lanky arms, also with very tall and skinny legs, all meeting on what seemed to be a head and a body at the same time; its huge eyes, shooting a look of pleading below.

"... The fuck is that?" Link said, taking the words off of everyone's mouths.

"It's a giant... trying to say something to us... in Terminian!"

"There's a language for Termina?"

"Well, duh."

"Then why everyone else was talking in English?!"

"That's b... um... hey, look! It's talking again!"

The giant screamed a bunch of very incoherent sounds that anyone would mistake as your drunk neighbor trying to sing along The Strokes' "Reptilia" while playing it on Guitar Hero, but Tatl, who was well-versed in this weird language, started to translate to Link.

"It says... it's one of the Four Giants of Termina."

"Four Giants?"

"Why are you..." Tatl started to ask in Terminian, but realized the Giant couldn't hear her, only speak, and continued to listen carefully. "... it's also saying the other three were trapped, and we saved him from... what? Oh, from Odolwa's spell".

"So there's more temples to visit?"

"Hang on- it also says it can help us stop 'the destruction', whatever it is."

"The destruction... is it talking about the moon?"

"Could be. Does it know the Skull Kid's the one doing it? Um..."

"Yeah?"

"It's... leaving? Wait!"

The figure started to retreat into the mist, and while white lights started to fill our protagonists' vision once more, it let out a few last words of wisdom.

"Find... us... forgive... friend..."

* * *

 **Day 3, Morning, Woodfall Temple**

"He... said that?" Link asked Tatl, after the fairy told him the Giant's last words.

"Yeah... I have no idea what he meant, but I guess he asked to find the remaining Giants?"

"That should go without saying," Link said, "But I dunno how we go about saving them now, not when we have so much to worry ab-"

 _RRRUMBLE_

Yes, that was me making a rumbling sound with my mouth, anyway. Link was interrupted by the sound of the very ground beneath him shaking, and realized what exactly he should be worrying about:

"It's Day 3! Damn it!"

The main problem was that, after being transported out of the weird Giant lair, Link and Tatl were shoved into an unknown portion of the temple with nothing else but a door going out to Woodfall, and a small cave with a bunch of vines covering its entrance.

"Let's make a run for it, Link!" Tatl exclaimed, still very preoccupied, but Link had other plans. He slashed the vines off of the small cave's entrance and went inside, walking briskly but remaining straight-faced as one more rumbling reminded them of the incoming doom.

"Link! Hey, Link! Why aren't we resetting time already?!"

"We haven't found the princess! If we go back in time, we'll have to go through this all over again, and I don't wanna see any jungle freaks for a looooong time, thanks!"

"Well, make it snappy, the earth's shaking if you haven't noticed!"

"I have, and don't rush m- hey, is that...?!" Link stopped after seeing a Deku at the back of the cave. The Deku wore a dress, had leafy pigtails for hair and had a bit of makeup on, as if trying to yell "Look at me, I am girl, opposite gender of boy" or something. Of course, there's only so many people this girl could be.

"Wh-wh-wh-who are you?!" The girl said.

"Look, no time to explain, we need to get you the hell outta h-" Link started, but was cut off.

"I _DEMAND_ you tell me _THIS INSTANT_ who in _BLAZES_ are you, peasant!"

"You... you're the Deku Princess!" Tatl exclaimed, finally getting the memo.

"And you _ARE?!_ " The princess said, liftin her chin and looking at Tatl with that trademark princess arrogance.

"I am Tatl, a fairy specifically chosen by the Great Fairy to bless the execution of the monkey."

 _Oh, not this shit again!_

"I have spoken to your f-" Tatl was speaking, but was interrupted with a sharp slap on the face.

"You have _SOME NERVE_ , you _PEASANT_!" The Deku Princess interjected, red in her wooden face, "That you would _DARE_ side with my _IDIOTIC FATHER_ on this issue!"

"Look, can we just get a mov-" Link tried to interrupt the tense moment, but was interrupted himself by yet another earthquake.

"The monkey _HELPED_ me! He did _NOTHING_ wrong! And I know all about you, you're that _FAIRY_ that's been so mean to the monkeys of Woodfall!"

"Me?! It's not my fault they're all so obn-"

" _SILENCE!_ " Another slap, "I am the _PRINCESS_ and I _WILL_ be talked to with proper etiquette!"

"Link, can you believe thi... Link?" Tatl turned to her left to talk to her companion, only to notice he had left long ago.

 _Fuck all this, I'm not up for another boss fight!_

* * *

 **Day 3, Morning, Woodfall**

Leaving through the one door out, Link noticed he exited through a "back exit" of sorts, at water level. Lilypads strewn around provided flooring for Link in case he wanted to go Deku, but with the clean waters, one could also swim by completely unharmed.

 _Wow... the water's all clean and sparkly! This place really feels cleansed. I feel waaaaay less stressed out just by looking at all this..._

"Can you just SHUT UP?!"

As if on cue, the concentrated sources of stress came down from the back exit bickering like siblings and split up, going either side of Link and avoiding any and all eye contact.

"Look, are we gonna be cool here, or do I have to play Fergielicious on my Ocarina to punish you girls until you decide to behave?!"

"It's HER fault!" Tatl shouted, but was quickly replied by the princess:

"I don't _APPRECIATE_ being _ORDERED_ around by you _LOW-LEVEL_ mouth-breathers! I am _ROYALTY_! If I don't even listen to my own _FATHER_ , what makes you think I'll listen to _YOU_?!"

"The fact that I'm also a Deku." Link said, now wearing the Deku Mask.

"Wha- how?!" The princess replied, dumbstruck.

"Magic. Now can we pl-"

Another sharp rumbling of tectonic plates prompted the three amigos to shut the hell up and make a dash for the Deku Palace, now easier to reach with all the poison gone. Still, with all this apocalypse going on, it was very hard to appreciate the beauty of the renewed Woodfall region. All that purple water, the stench of death, the smoke of despair, dissipated - to give way to the clear waters of peace and the hopeful green of all the prospering flora of the swamp...

... All being shaken by the very scary moon glaring from above.

* * *

 **Day 3, Afternoon, Deku Palace**

"Stop running so _FAST!_ " The princess yelled at Link, who, along with Tatl, was a couple miles ahead of her.

"Tatl, she just won't shut up..."

"I told you, she's the worst."

"Do you think she'll fuck something up by running her mouth like that?"

"Yeah, I don't imagine the king'll be thrilled to stop the execution if her daughter comes in yelling at everything..."

"Hey!" said princess interjected, " _STOP!_ "

"WHAT." Link stopped and turned on the spot, not hiding at all his annoyance.

"I am tired, and I _DEMAND_ to be carried!"

"But we're like three feet away from the..."

"Are you _QUESTIONING_ me, riff-raff?!"

"... Look, you wanna be carried?"

" _YES_! How many times do I have tmmfmmfffffmff"

"Done," Link said after shoving the princess inside one of his empty bottles.

"Link, how did you..."

"What? I just opened the bottle and shoved her in, not hard at all."

"But... I... you... alright, whatever..."

* * *

 **Day 3, Afternoon, Deku King's Chambers**

"We stand here today," the Deku King pronounced loudly, to the entirety of the Deku royalty present at the chamber, "United as brethren, to call upon the swift, absolute, and resonating power of justice. Our culprit, one monkey from the Woods of Mystery..."

"Alright," Link said, hiding behind a pot, his small Deku figure increasing his stealth, "We strike on three. One... two..."

"Link- Link, no!" Tatl interrupted. "We need a better plan, there are too many witnesses here, nobody's gonna listen to us if we come in with both guns blazing."

"Do we have any other options?"

"Yes, we do. Just take off your hat and follow my lead."

"Take off my... oh! I get it!"

"... As such," the king was still talking, "It can only mean one thing: this primate had his sights set on us from the very beginning! Yes, a premeditated crime... hold. Who comes forth?!"

"I- ahem- I am very sorry, yes? I'm afraid I come with the lateness," Link said, his blonde hair messily arranged into a tuft, forcing his rich-foreign-millionaire accent again. "The gardens, I have been lost inside them."

"Who the hell are you?" One Deku asked.

"What? I-" _Shit, I forgot, I went back in time... grrrr, let's try this again. Lady Luck, Don't fail me now..._ "I am rich foreign businessman! My wife Tatline and I, we were, how do you say it, we went inside, but got lost in the beautiful gardens!"

"You spent... two days lost in there?" Another one of the locals asked.

"Do not concern your shelf! I am arriving with the message, yes? Tatline?"

"Yes, dear..." Tatl said, her voice faintly cracking from disgust.

"Oh! A fairy! How... how gracious!" The Deku King exclaimed, not remembering his previous encounter with Tatl because of the time rewinding.

"We... we came here to..." Tatl was trying her hardest not to start yelling at someone, but kept her meek-and-shy-girl voice in check, "Um... we received word that the Princess is safe!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" was the collective response in the room.

"You! Fairy! W-Where is she?! Where is my baby?!" The king asked, sweating bullets.

"Hah! I told you! Nothing happ-owwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWW!" the monkey started to celebrate, but nobody took him seriously and a guard just quickly dipped his behind in the boiling water.

"She is... um... L-Lin-" Tatl was trying to tell Link to release the princess, but realized that 1) she ALMOST slipped up and revealed Link's name, and 2) the princess was stuck inside a bottle and likely very, very angry. The fairy, then, froze on the spot.

Link also did.

 _Um... w-we... we're fucked-owski?_

Everyone stared at them, eventually starting to squint a little harder, think a little louder, until...

"GUARDS! TAKE THE IMPOSTOR AND PREPARE A SECOND CAULDRON!" the king yelled as the whole room moved to restrain Link and Tatl.

"Damn it!" Link yelled, removing his Deku mask while Tatl hid inside his hat. The boy tried jumping sideways, dodging and even backflipping, but there was no way - no non-violent way, at least - to rid himself from the mob overwhelming him. Eventually, they caught our hero and pinned him to the ground, violently slamming his back in the process. A breaking noise was heard then, like glass shattering.

 _No! They broke my Ocarina! Sons of..._

"M-my word..." one of the Dekus said.

"What... what is..." another one also uttered.

"... were you _PLANNING_ on _SUFFOCATING_ me?!"

* * *

 **A/N** : Wow, talk about a crowning moment! Ha...! Well, anyway.


	20. Chapter 20: Identity Theft

**A/N:** I swear to you guys, this is the last we'll see of Woodfall for a long time. I know you're all cruising for some Clock Town action again, so we'll be on our way now to solve this regal issue and go back in time. As always, a good ol' reviewing of this chapter - or any other! - is appreciated.

 **Disclaimer:** I am now the king of Dekus

* * *

Chapter 20: Identity Theft

* * *

 **Day 3, Afternoon, Deku King's Chambers**

 _I... think I'd like it better if it really was my Ocarina that broke..._

Link's thoughts, of course, referred to the scene before his very eyes. While being overwhelmed by a mob of angry Dekus, the bottle containing their princess broke, and now the shining beauty stood surrounded by glass shards. The whole room was silent, only the crackling of fire and bubbling of boiling waters near the relieved monkey.

"Well?! What was _THAT_ all about?!" The princess asked Link, one hand on her hip.

"Grrr... you just wouldn't shut up, so I-"

"How _DARE_ you talk to me like that? You and your _STUPID_ fairy, you think that just because you _CLEANSED_ the swamp and _RESCUED_ me from that cave, you can now start talking _SMACK_ to me and _SHOVE ME IN A BOTTLE_?!"

"Look-" Tatl started, but was cut off by a bellowing voice.

"You saved my princess and cleansed the temple?!" The Deku King now said to Link, "You did it all?! You... you saved us!"

"Aheheh, well now, I..."

"You're our hero! Not only you brought back my baby, but you also saved the entire region! I should bow before you! I have literally no words to describe my feelings right now, I might just give you a magnificent hug!"

"Aw, shucks, I didn't do it alone, she helped a lot too..." Link said, pointing to Tatl.

"And you helped? The fairy? I knew it. Fairies are such awe-inspiring creatures! I'd like to sit and have a chat with you both right now, but as you can see, we're in the middle of something..."

 _Fuck! That's right! The monk-_

"That's where I _STOP_ you, father."

"D-darling?"

"Listen here," The non-yellow girl in the room started talking, "That monkey there did _ABSOLUTELY NOTHING_ wrong. I went to the temple _MYSELF_ , wanting to investigate the reason as to why the swamp was _FILTHY_ like that."

 _I should be proud of her for taking charge and all that, but I just hate the way she talks so much..._

"The monkey tried to _STOP_ me. I convinced him to come with me, since he's been living in the _WOODS_ for so long; he'd have much more knowledge of Woodfall than me, sitting in my _IVORY TOWER_ all day, like a spoiled _BABY_. I just wanted to see the _DAMN WORLD_!"

"B-but, my angel..." The King tried to interrupt, but was cut short by Tatl.

"Hush. Your girl's growing up. Try not to get in the way."

"... I _KNOW_ of my limitations, Daddy. But while a _MONSTER_ was turning our homeland into a _WASTE DISPOSAL_ , you stood there, as King, and did what? _NOTHING_ , that's what. All you did was walk around being angry at everything, even at _ME_ , but not once did you try to be angry enough to do _SOMETHING_ about it. You just looked at that moon and told me, 'What can we do about it?'"

 _What a lazy King my half-race has..._

"I'll tell you what _we CAN_ do, _FATHER:_ we can take charge. You're always _RAMBLING_ about 'this generation this', 'this generation that', but I actually _WENT_ there and tried to save our people!"

"Huge help that was! You got yourself kidnapp-" Again, the King didn't manage to finish his sentence.

" _HOW_ was I supposed to know that a ten-foot tall _ABOMINATION_ was the reason for all this?! Neither me _OR_ the monkey could've found out without looking! And by _RISKING_ ourselves, we managed to call this _ALSO YOUNG_ boy's attention, and he _SAVED_ us!"

"Ha! We Dekus have been all safe in here, except for y-" Third time's the charm, King.

"She means 'us' as in 'me and her', old fart," The monkey now said, startling everyone in the room. "The boy over there saved her from the monster... and I know what comes next. Heh."

"He _SAVED_ the monkey from your _MISDIRECTED, WRONGFUL and CHILDISH fit of anger_!"

Silence filled the room.

"You thought you were being a hero of justice all this time, but... _You're the villain here, FATHER_. Release the monkey now before you embarass yourself even further."

"I..."

 _... That's one brave little girl._

"Link... I hope you understand now." Tatl said, softly, while everyone else left them to prepare for the monkey's release.

"Understand what?"

"Remember how you said, back at the swamp, that you didn't ask for any of this temple-saving business, and that you weren't an adult anymore?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Also, remember your little speech to Odolwa about anger causing sloppiness?"

"I do..."

"Anger brings sloppiness outside of battle too. That little bit of anger might be our motivation: you finding your fairy friend, me turning into a legendary warrior, etc. But too much anger... more often than not, it's an indicator of two things: one, low self-esteem, and two, unwillingness to cope with things."

 _... I..._

"Like I said before... this is your burden, like it or not. You're charged with saving this land from total destruction. You can be like the King, and get angry at it, flail about, blame this or that and do nothing... Or you can be like the Princess, also a child like you, and take charge. Take risks. Face the problems head-on, and see it all come together in the end."

"..." Link was still processing it all, unable to speak.

"You're right. You're not an adult. But you know what you're also not? You're not alone. The Princess knew that she couldn't just charge in alone, so she recruited the monkey. I know," Tatl stopped, then continued, "I've spent most of this trip here resenting monkeys and the Princess herself, but... there's something about hatred of others that reflects our own flaws, I think. I'm just now realizing this."

"You're realizing a lot of things. I don't even know if it's still you in there-OW!"

A bump to Link's head answered his doubts. "Yeah, it's still me. But you know what, Link? You're not alone. Not anymore. I know I joined you in a dicey situation, and that you still resent me a bit for what happened in the Lost Woods, but... I don't care. If this is your burden, to be a hero, then I'll share that burden with you."

 _... Don't cry, Link. Don't cry. She'll never let you hear the end of it_.

"Alright, yellow Russian," Link said, switching moods quickly, "If you're with me on this, then how about we reset t-"

 _RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUMBLEEEEEEEE_

* * *

 **Day 3, Night, Deku King's Chambers**

"Final night! Final night! Reset time now!" Link shouted after feeling the latest tremor.

"Shit! Um, are we forgetting something?!" Tatl asked, franctic.

"What are you _BLABBERING,_ about now, you _KIDNAPPER_?!" The Deku Princess interrupted, wanting to join the conversation.

 _Oh no, Your Emphasisness. This ain't for your royal ears._ "Um, we're just, in a rush to go home... You know, Subway closes in like an hour, so-"

"I am not _STUPID_. Let's _HEAR_ it. What's got your _PANTIES_ in a _BUNCH_?!"

"Do you seriously need to talk like that all the time?!" Tatl asked, angirly, and before the Princess could retort, another Deku approached them. This one had a neat moustache, like those you see on butlers, chefs and overly gentlemanly stereotype characters.

"Please. Allow me a moment of your time."

"Who are you, and why are you in a suit?" Tatl asked.

"I am the Deku Royal Family's butler, madam. Please, I need but a moment with this young man."

"M-Me?" Link asked.

"Exactly. I wish to speak to you about something regarding that mask of yours."

"Oh, so you noticed..."

"That I did. Do not worry - I simply wish to make a couple of inquiries. Nothing harmful."

"Alright then..." _At least Tatl stays with the nuisance there._

"It will not take much. I felt the seismic mishap just now."

"Do you _have_ to be so formal?"

* * *

 **Day 3, Night, Deku Palace**

Link and the butler now stood right in front of the palace's moat, waters clear and pristine from post-temple saving cleaning. Silently, the butler approach said moat and looked at the water, prompting Link to do the same.

"I had feared... those waters might never be clean ever again. 'Twas only a week or so with the poison stench defiling the swamp, but it felt like an eternity." The butler started, his voice calm and soft.

"So... you like it now?"

"I do, my boy, I do. It's just..."

"... Yeah, I know. The moon's still falling."

"It's not only that. Your mask... can you put it on?"

"W-What?"

"There's something I'd like to confirm. Please. Only for a mere second."

 _What is this guy trying to do?_ "Okay then..."

As soon as Deku Link emerged, the butler's expression changed slightly; always prim, proper and in perfect posture, he remained with the same stoic and impassive expression, but his eyebrows shot upwards.

"I see..."

"See what?"

"You're just like my... my son. You look exactly like him..."

"Your... son?"

"He was just like you. I've barely seen you, yet I feel in you... spunk, energy, playfulness, but also care, warmth and bravery."

 _And money. Don't forget the money_. "So where's this supposed copy of mine? I don't remember seeing him around."

"Oh, I'm afraid that'll be quite difficult at the moment. He hasn't returned home yet."

"Huh... you don't say. What happened?"

"After the swamp turned angry and purple, I'd say one or two days after, he decided to solve the troubles of the land by his lonesome. I was opposed to it, of course - we had a heated dispute over it. I did not want to see my boy risk himself. I had heard tales of the monster inside Woodfall Temple, and... I, much like the King, decided to try and stand in his way. We parted ways sourly, and I've yet to hear from him..."

"... Well, shit. That's heavy. Did you call the, er, the cops... the... Defense Unit?"

"Hah hah hah," the butler laughed very sophisticatedly, then continued, "You tell a good joke, son. No, I'd have been more fortunate had I gone to my own doormat for help. All I remember is him saying he had 'contacts' of some sort, on a place called... 'Hirule', or was it 'Harule', I forget..."

 _Oh..._ "... Hyrule?"

"That would be the one."

"Strange..." _I didn't see any Dekus on my way from Hyrule to here, not that I can rem-_

* * *

 **FLASHBACK**

 _"Look, this tree looks sort of like you... so full of pain, suffering… lost, without friends or familiar places to rely on..._ _and with a dumb face!"_

 **FLASHBACK**

* * *

 _Oh- oh no- oh my GOD!_

"What is it, young one? Your face, it has gone white!"

"I... uhh... no, it's just... nerves..." _shit shit shit! His kid is dead and... I saw his... his... corpse! And I have his body, somehow!_

"Are you sure? Something about Hyrule has set you off, maybe?"

"No, I... just caught a glimpse of the moon's reflection on the water," Link lied, but effectively, because the moon could be seen in almost its entirety, "And it just makes me feel sick."

"Oh ho ho. It does look rather frightening, no?"

"Y-Yeah..."

"... Alas, I must be taking too much of your time. I shall retreat, and perform my duties professionally until the very end."

"N-No, wait!" Link called to the butler, who was already leaving. His silhouette contrasted with the light coming from the hallway, piercing the nightfall darkness around them. Still with his back facing Link, the butler turned his head around.

"Yes?"

"... I... your son must be proud of you."

"Pardon...?"

"And... and he's happy. Yeah, wherever he is, he's happy because the swamp is safe. Even if the moon falls, at least Woodfall stands... with dignity."

"... Hoh hoh hoh," The butler now couldn't stop his tears from falling, "You really might just be him in spirit. Good one."

 _You have no idea..._

"Here. I want you to have this," The butler produced a mask from his coat's inside pocket, and gave it to Link, "It's a mask my son used to wear to search for food in the woods. It is the Mask of Scents. Hold on to it, and it just might help you too."

"The... Mask of Scents. Huh. Alright." _Another mask!_

"Now, I must go. My kingdom needs me."

"D-Did you just-"

"Ohohoho. What, can't an old man crack a joke too?" The butler laughed a bit more, wiped his left eye, and marched towards the chambers once more, leaving Link to his own thoughts.

 _... Okay, leaving aside the fact that this mask has the face of a Disney evil pig looking like he's 30 minutes late to work... I can't believe I'm somehow with his kid's spirit in this freaking mask. How did I get it again? Wait... that salesman! He turned my curse into this mask with that song! He must know someth- I gotta run!_

* * *

 **Day 3, Night, Deku King's Chambers**

"TATL!" Link yelled, running inside the chamber, just in time to see Tatl chatting it up with the now innocent monkey.

"Link, I want to apologize for doubting you when you offered me your aid," The monkey said.

"No biggie, man. I just really had to get inside that temple, is all."

"Heh. Alright, then. If you're ever in the area, you're more than welcome to stop by and enjoy the woods with us."

"Hey," Tatl chimed in, "I know we're cool and all, and I've changed my opinion on your race as a whole... But you _really_ should do something about that cousin of yours."

"Oh, him... yeah, I know. Sorry you had to deal with that. He's a bit out there."

 _"A bit"? He's so out there, he's gonna need a jacket because it's cold in space! And speaking of being out of places..._ "Tatl, hey, Tatl! We have to go!"

"OH! Damn it, I almost forgot! Ah, er- bye everybody!"

Saying their goodbyes, Tatl and Link went back outside, concealed themselves, and went back to the first day with a lot of problems in the timeline fixed.

* * *

 **A/N** : Phew! Writer's block is kicking my ass comedy-wise, so I went for a more emotion-packed episode this time (since we're officially ending the Woodfall segment and all). Some of y'all have probably started to realize this story's underlying motif.

Next chapter, we'll have some Clock Town filler coming up, and a whole lotta room for comedy! Also character development. And fun. And words. Words are fun.


	21. Chapter 21: Smell Ya Later

**A/N:** Loyal readers, before we start, a small meta rant:

As a writer, allow me to ask you something: if you've read this fic, and you think I should listen to some harsh or even just normal criticism at all, _please_ let me have it. I've spent the last few days morbidly-curiously reading a very bad work in here ( _which shall remain anonymous, to avoid brigading_ ) which was kept relevant (and at the top, no less) mostly because of the echo chamber created in the reviews, where you could just tell that there was a little clique of people doing happy dances around each other while boosting the author, all too happy to dedicate 10-12 paragraphs each chapter for chitchatting with reviewers. The select few that offered constructive criticism were attacked in some way or another, accused of being "haters" or whatever.

That's why I ask you: **if** you have something to say, please don't leave me to me own devices like that, and just lay it on me. I want my work to be better and I don't want any sort of brown-nosing or whatever. I accept compliments and critics alike, as they help me be better than I was yesterday, and I'm always focused on leaving something fulfilling to me and you on this site instead of something artificial that's just "pleasant" to a few who like it for who wrote it instead of what it is.

That is all. Thank you, as always, for sticking around. Back to our Abridginations.

 **Disclaimer:** My stories are the best, fuck all of you

* * *

Chapter 21: Smell Ya Later

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Clock Town - South**

The same familiar scenery presented itself to our heroes once more. Day One Clock Town was as bustling as ever, its citizens carrying on with their lives without ever looking up to the sky.

"Same old denial," Link said, breaking the silence.

Tatl's retort was calm. "You shouldn't be judging so much, not everyone's obligated to be a Hero of Time."

 _Well, neither was I..._ "Anyway, I wanna talk to Mask Creep before we do whatever we're supposed to do."

"What for?"

"Oh, right, you weren't there. Well, long story short, I'm pretty sure that the Deku I turn into with this mask," Link proceeded to put the mask on, "Is actually that butler's son, whose corpse we've already found."

"C-Corpse?!"

"Yeah. Remember? You made fun of it, told me it had a silly face or something. Anyway, since that salesman made the mask, he probably knows something."

"Um... c-can we go now?"

"Sure," Link said, taking the mask off.

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Clock Tower - Machine Room**

"So... have you found my item?" The salesman said, not even greeting our heroes, but still wearing the same old large grin.

"Can't you just say 'hi' first?" Tatl said.

"Actually, creep-"

"Hmmm?" The salesman interrupted Link, raising his eyebrows.

"Gah! Um, mister... er..."

"If you put your foot any further in it, it'll turn into a new shoe," the salesman retorted, and Link composed himself.

"Anyway, I wanted to ask you something."

"What's that?"

"This mask. I met someone who recognized the Deku I turned into."

"Hmmmmm, did you now?"

"Also, I saw a Deku corpse on my way here from Hyrule. What's up with that?"

"Allow me to explain." The older man paused for a moment, considering his words, and then started. "The Song of Healing I just taught you is a magical melody. It concentrates the sorrows of the dead, and inserts them into tangible vessels - namely, these masks."

"Just like that dancer- pppffftthhh..." Tatl made a valid observation, but couldn't help laughing at the memory.

"Hey, wise girl, how about I put that mask on you?!" Link answered, angry.

"Come at me bro!"

"CAN I CONTINUE?!" Yet again, another unexpected mood swing from the salesman shut the bickering friends' mouths. He returned his expression to normal without effort, and continued. "So, it seems that the Deku Mask wasn't the only one you gathered with the Song of Healing. Yes, should you find yourself faced with ethereal anguish, playing the Song of Healing gives you the ability to take on that person's legacy and inherit it to your own."

 _So, kinda like identity theft._ "And...?"

"The Skull Kid must have similar abilities. I suspect he, himself, is the one who killed that Deku, probably because he planned on turning you into one beforehand."

"He DID have a head start on me when he stole my horse..."

"He probably turned that Deku's anguish on you, making you assume the form, but without a vessel to switch out from it at will. Playing the Song of Healing fixed the process so that this part wasn't skipped."

"So, what you're saying is I'm wearing a dead guy's soul."

"Don't be so apocalyptic, now."

 _Don't be so nonchalant about being Leatherface, now._

"At any rate," the salesman said, switching the subject, "Is there anything else you'd like to ask?"

"Nah, we're good," Tatl replied.

"So... about my mask?"

"Oh, uh..." _Shit... he doesn't know we went back in time..._

"Huh? Speak up man, I can't quite hear you..."

"Your, um, mask..."

"... yEsSs? WhAt AbOuT iT...?!" The fixed smile on the salesman's face started to twitch madly, and Link and Tatl already knew what was coming.

"It's... behind you!"

"H-Huh?!"

"NOW!" Link and Tatl made a dash for it, hearing the anguished screams of the wretched vendor echoing within the tower as they winked at each other.

* * *

 **Day 1, Morning, Clock Town - East**

Our heroes' mad sprint for glory left them in front of the Stock Pot Inn, where they stood, pensive.

"Well..." Tatl mused, looking upon their trusty old map, "Next stop should be the mountains, according to what Tael said."

"How do you know it's exactly supposed to be in that order? Are you on GameFAQs?"

"First of all, lame namedrop."

 _Says you! Mad props to all the guys doing walkthroughs on GameFAQs!_

"Second, it's the only one we've been to besides the swamp. You remember, right? How you passed through the canyon area of Termina Field and ended up in the snow area? Rolling forward, white as a sh-"

"ALRIIIIIIGHT, please, let's just go!"

"What's the rush, Link? We should get some information first. You know what lies ahead?"

"Nah. What?"

"I can't say for sure, since I've mostly been around the swamp area, but I hear Gorons live up in the mountain."

"Oh..."

"... You don't seem too thrilled."

"Ah, no, it's just, um..."

"Just...?"

"... Their leader was a bit too much to handle back in Hyrule."

"What, was he mean to you?"

"No, he loved me like a brother."

"So what's th-"

"He showed that by slapping me around."

"Oh. Oh, uhhh, let's... go inside! How's that sound?"

"Yeah, sure." _Awkward..._

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Stock Pot Inn**

Already inside, Link and Tatl barely managed two steps without stumbling upon a familiar sight. Red hat, red backpack, white clothes... there he was, Mr. Postman himself, delivering a letter to Anju at the front desk."

"Is that...?" Anju asked.

"YAH" came the reply.

"Um, excuse m-"

"YAH"

"I don't understand y-"

"YAH" said the mailman, turning around and slowly jogging towards the door.

"... You get a lot of that around here?" Tatl said to Anju, now approaching the front desk.

"Only all the time. All he does is 'YAH' this and 'YAH' that, it's a wonder how this nutcase manages to keep his job. I hear he's intensely punctual and never misses a delivery, so I guess..."

 _Why is it that every time we decide we want information, we stumble upon this mailman and learn absolutely nothing?_

"So, um, you got any rooms?" Tatl asked.

"I'm sorry, we're all booked up."

 _She's... surprisingly well-behaved today._

"Oh well, let's go, Link."

"Wait!" Anju interrupted, "Your name is Link?"

"Yeah," Link replied, "Why do you... _oh shit_!"

"For fuck's sake... wait here, please." Anju said, retreating to the back hallway, and started running towards the stairs.

 _No no no no! She's going to kick the Goron out again unless I do something!_

"Why am I hearing Looney Tunes chase music in my head?!" Tatl asked herself while Link sprinted towards the stairs, trying to reach Anju before she reached the Knife Chamber.

"Hey, stop!" Link yelled, startling Anju, who was wearing a scowl full of disdain for what she figured was a scammer among her customers.

"What? You?" Anju asked, confused.

"I, uhhh, think there's a misunderstanding here."

"A... misunderstanding?"

"Uh huh," Link said, holding back his nervousness, "I think you're mixing me up with another Link, because I never made a reservation."

"You mean there's two people named Link on my building? The hell's going on with you people?!"

"I, uh, it's quite the coinkidink, right?!" _Damn it Link, why can't you act?!_

"... Look, I don't like the sound of this. I'll talk to the manager. You stay right the hell here."

"M-Manager?! Isn't that her mother?" Tatl said, then turned to her friend and saw him going into another room. "Hey! Where are you going?! Wait!"

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Guest Room**

Link entered the room with the musician and the dancers, sat on one of the beds, and said, "If I'm gonna wait, might as well wait sitting down, right?"

"Wait for what? Do you really want Temper and Temper Jr. to chew you out for what I'm pretty sure they think is you and me being a pair of scammers?"

"C'mon, I'm sure she's just confused that there's two guys named Link. Believe me, I found it hard to buy it the first time too..."

"Hey, you said you had Goron friends back home, didn't you?"

 _Oh yeah, sure, major friends._ "Uh huh."

"What if this 'Link' fella is someone named after you, coming from Hyrule as well?"

"Tatl, come on, there's no wa-aa-a..."

"... Link? Liiink? Hey, I was joking, c'mon!"

 _... No, Link, shake if off, it can't be him. You're in Termina. Alternate dimensions. No one here is from Hyrule besides you, the creep, Tatl, her brother and the Skull Kid._

"Anyway," Link changed the subject, "I wonder what this mask does? The pig one that the butler gave me?"

"What, he didn't tell you?"

"He called it the 'Mask of Scents' and told me that his son wore it when searching for food, but that's all. Lemme put it o-ooooo _ **OOOINC!**_ "

"Link?!"

" _ **OOOOOINK!**_ " Link was now in complete possession, growling like a pig, hunched over, smelling everything nearby. Much like with Kamaro's Mask, the Mask of Scents overcame him completely.

"Oh man, not again! Hahahahahahaha! Dammit Link, I don't know if I should stop you... or stop laughing!" Tatl said as she watched every guest in the room scream and cower following the mad pig's attack.

" _ **O-OINK!**_ " Link could only answer that, while his nostrils searched every nook and cranny of the room for delicious smells.

"Link, where are you- LINK?!"

" _ **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOINK!**_ " Link bellowed as his fine-tuned nose finally smelled something. His body moved on its own, quickly going towards one of the beds, more specifically one of the dancer's beds. There, Link smelled something that the naked eye couldn't see, but his nose could smell... and his brain quickly recognized. It was a Blue Mushroom, of all things - something he was looking for during this entire trip. Blue Mushrooms could be used to make Blue Potions, which replenished your health - or so they claim, because it's more like an alcoholic beverage way out of Link's league.

However, the problem here was far greater than a minor wanting to drink alcohol; for you see, when Link found the mushroom...

"Link! What are you doing smelling the-"

"- _ **why are you smelling my PANTIES?!**_ " One of the dancers yelled, cutting off Tatl and shoving Mad Pig Link a good distance away. Link hit his head, the mask fell off, and he fell unconscious.

"What is _wrong_ with your boyfriend there?!" The angry dancer now stared daggers at Tatl, shifting her anger onto the fairy.

"Look, lady, I get that your privacy is sacred, but he's possessed-"

"Oh, sure! 'Possessed'! Every single guy I meet says that! Every single time they pull the same shit, and then they send me a message the next day - ' _Look, babe, I'm sorry, something came over me, I'm a nice guy, really_ ' - where does it end with you?!"

"Hey..." Link woke up, groggy, and said, "... where did this mushroom come from..."

"You son of a-" the dancer interjected, red in the face. " _ **I have a fungal infection!**_ "

"Link, MOVE!" Tatl said, dashing towards Link and turning Super Fairy to sprint out of the building carrying him.

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - East**

"... So, you remember?" Tatl asked Link.

"Yeah, I... just couldn't take off the mask, but I could see it all..."

"Oh boy..."

"Tatl, I'm going to Kotake's and I am going to get _hammered_ to forget this. You go ahead and gather information yourself."

"Link, you shouldn't be drinking-"

"Gah, just fucking let me bleach my brain here, jeez! I _smelled a girl's panties_ today! _AND THEY HAD FUNGUS_! I don't wanna be sober for the next three hours, or so help me-"

"Okay... but take care of yourself."

"I'll be back in a couple."

Tatl left the boy to his woes, trusting his survival skills and weapon mastery to protect himself. Now alone, Tatl decided to do a little bit of investigating in her own way.

 _Not having Link around sucks because he does all the heavy lifting and fighting, but at least I can do things a little more quickly now that I don't have to walk him through everything._

* * *

 **Day 1, Afternoon, Mayor's Residence**

Tatl's wandering through the east sector of Clock Town brought her into the Town Hall. There she sat, waiting for a gruff man with frilly clothing to finish his business with the secretary, so that she could ask some questions about the town.

 _This whole denial thing worries me to hell and back. It's inconceivable that no one's doing any actual effort to evacuate people, or engaging scientists on finding some sort of way to deflect the moon, or... I dunno, ANYTHING at all to keep that from happening. If even the mayor is in denial, then I guess we should wash our hands of this place before long-_

Our fairy fatale's musings were interrupted by a voice. "Next!", the secretary said. "Ooh, a fairy! I love your color! May I help you?"

"Thanks! I'd like to speak to the mayor..."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Uh, no?"

"You have to schedule a meeting if you want to speak to Mayor Dotour. As you can imagine, his time is very limited, especially for individual meetings with the public, but I guess I can squeeze you in... next Thursday?"

 _Lady, there's no Thursday to look forward to!_ "Uh, that's a bit far, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess, but he's busy for the entire week."

"Can you tell me why?"

"Um, I don't think I should be leaking the mayor's activities like that... but I can tell you it's important, because he's been with Mutoh and Viscen in there for quite some time."

"Who?" Tatl asked, unsure of who the two gentlemen were.

"Mutoh, the head of the carpenters, and Captain Viscen of the Defense Unit." the secretary answered, indicating that she wasn't willing to divulge any more than that.

"I see... oh," Tatl said, noticing that the office had two doors opposite to each other, "What's behind the doors there?"

"Oh, the left one is where the mayor is talking with them. It's his office, so you can't enter without an appointment," the secretary said, then pointed to the door to the right. "That one leads to the lounge, and to the Mayor's chambers. Madame Aroma is probably there, if you want to try your luck with her..."

"I'm guessing Madame Aroma is the mayor's wife or something?"

"Yes... are you new here?"

 _If only you knew._ "Um, yes. I think I'm going to the lounge, then..."

"Suit yourself. The lounge is free to the public," she answered matter-of-factly, then looked down at her notebook, promptly hinting at Tatl that she had to get back to it.

Tatl entered the lounge, instantly feeling at least thirty times smaller than she was. This first room might not be physically big, but it had so much grandeur and luxury to it that it felt separate from the rickety old town it was situated in. On one of the various couches sat a very small creature, wearing a blue open vest with no shirt, an even-smaller tophat and the ugliest moustache-goatee combo ever seen. Said creature was fish-like, and had a walking cane near it. On another couch, completing an L-shape along the walls, sat a very motherly woman wearing a fancy yellow dress, covered in jewelry, and with her red hair in a weird bridge-like topknot.

 _She reminds me a bit of the Great Fairy in a way. They even have a mole just under the corner of their mouths, and that hairdo... hmmmm..._

As Tatl approached the small fellow and the woman, who, she assumed, must've been Madame Aroma, she caught a bit of their conversation:

"... and I must say we can't perform at the Carnival of Time," he said, looking sadly to the ground, and then met the woman's gaze. "It's a shame, truly, but it simply isn't feasible for us."

 _Carnival of... Time..._ Tatl thought.

"Dear me... that is quite the pickle, shall we say, isn't it, Tutu?" the woman answered.

"Toto," the creature corrected, but wasn't listened to.

"I find it most displeasing not to have _THE_ Indigo-Go's traditional Carnival of Time performance this time around, not to mention disheartening..." she said, looking up and down, "But I suppose it really can't be helped if your vocalist is in trouble. I shall let Dotour know as soon as possible..."

"My lady, I am truly sorry. It is not my wish to cause any disturbances, but things... happen, and have been happening for some time now. The oceans really could use some backing from Clock Town whenever you're willing to..."

 _Hey... something smells here, and it sure ain't fish!_

"... Hush, Tutu."

"Toto."

"We have company..." she said, looking at Tatl.

"H-Huh?! Oh, uh, hi!" Tatl said, a bit flustered to be caught distracted in the middle of the room like that.

"And who are _you_ , beautiful fairy? I must say, I love your choice of hue!"

 _Why is everyone brown-nosing me lately? Especially people in higher positions?_ "My name is Tatl. I'm sorry to interrupt, I didn't realize you were already talking to someone..."

"Please, do not concern yourself," the creature said in a serene tone, "I was about to excuse myself, so it's no problem at all."

 _You were- do you think I'm deaf or stupid?_

"I must be headed back to the oceans now. It's not easy being manager of the Indigo-go's, I tell you! Would you help me down, please?"

"Oh, sure, wait..." Tatl said, helping the small man jump down from the sofa to the ground, and getting his cane.

"These legs of mine aren't what they used to be... they say Zoras are slow on ground, but even this is a bit too much!" the creature said light-heartedly, chuckling.

 _Oh, he's a Zora... I should've known,_ Tatl thought to herself after realization struck her. The Zoras, a kind that was also present in Hyrule, were essentially fish-people. While some were warriors, and other pacifists, all Zoras shared common traits: they all had blue skin, lived and breathed underwater, could glide through the seas as if they were flying, and had one member amongst them who took ages to move. Zoras came in all sorts of sizes, genders and personalities, but their love for the sea made them a race close to all things beautiful and serene, be it in nature or art.

"If anything changes, do call me, Tutu-"

"Toto."

"-and I'll change it up on the spot, all right? You and your troupe are still our priority pick," the woman said.

"Thank you, Madame Aroma," Toto the Zora said, confirming the woman's identity, "I shall be in touch, and do update me if you have _that_ talk with your husband."

"No promises, Tutu..."

"Toto."

"... but yes, I shall."

Excusing himself, Toto left the room to Tatl and Madame Aroma as the fairy started to put her ducks in a row before talking to the First Lady of Clock Town.

 _Okay, so... things to talk about... one, the population in denial of the moon threat; two, what the Mayor and those two guys are talking about; three, what did the Zora meant by trouble at the ocean; and four, the Carnival of Time issue. Yeah, that's about it, I guess... Now to pick a topic. Why does it feel like I'm in some sort of graphic novel game? Anyway, I think I'll start from the beginning..._

Tatl sighed.

 _I really should've let Link know about the Carnival of Time sooner... and the full story, too. I guess I was just scared of losing the Skull Kid in that battle on top of the tower... it sucks, but even now, a part of me still believes that I can save him without beating the living shit outta him. Even though I have these powers now... and speaking of them... do I even have what it takes to manage this...? This newfound, enormous strength of mine... can I master it?_

 _Oh, what the hell am I doing?! Focus, Tatl! It's go time!_

* * *

 **A/N:** I feel like, since Tatl is getting more protagonist spotlight since her transformation on Season 1, we've been in need of a few moments alone with her, to understand her mind a bit more and not just Link snarking at everything around him. Don't worry, though, Kotake's place has a limit on Blue Potion consumption and Link will be back sooner than you realize! Alright, see y'all next chapter, mad lads. Peace!


End file.
